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Allee's NC Diary
(86 posts) (21 voices)-
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Posted 1 month ago allee
offlineMemberMy ex broke up with me over the phone on in the very beginning of this month. After that we talked two three times over the phone only as friends but then I gathered the courage to send my ex a NC note. I did it last Wednesday.
MY NC NOTE: Hi, I agree with you about the decision to break up, i really believe its the best thing for both of us. I have some big decisions I need to make and I need some time to think them over. So I would really appreciate if you didn't contact me during this time. I will be in touch with you when I m ready.
Now the thing is I got a call from my ex today (4 days later after the NC note).. I didn't answer. Now its killing me to know why he called me? What should i do? call him back??
Posted 1 month ago #-
Wringo
offlineMemberDon't call back. You need this time for yourself and to let him brew for a bit. You both need to evolve. Especially if he is stupid and immature enough to break up with someone over the phone. IF this is a LDR, then I take that back. But, if not, then it's one of the most cowardly things anyone can do.
Start working on yourself now. This a a great time to grow. Keep a journal. Go work out. Do something you've always wanted to do.
Go take a look at other people's NC diaries here. Also, check out BEAUTY's NC diary, I gave a very basic outline of this that she can be doing right now.
Good luck to you, kiddo. Stay strong, the good times are about to start!
M
Posted 1 month ago # -
allee
offlineMemberThank you so much for the response Wringo! So here is what happened now.. and i dont know what to do!
He texted me now at 10:00 pm saying "I called because i have been remembering you a lot recently... Like missing you... I just feel really confused..."
I didn't reply. Then he texted again at 10:50 "No response to that? Or you dont think about me anymore?"
I still haven't replied. I am just confused now as to what should i do?Here is my timeline:
Jan 4: He called me and told me he is not head over heals in love with me anymore and its not gonna work out between us anymore. I cried over the phone .... (We went out for 2 and a half yrs)
Jan 6: we talked as friends only.. did't taLK about the breakup..
Jan 10: chatted on facebook for 1 min and i got off
Jan 21: talked on phone, i asked him again if there is ever chance of us ever getting back together in future.. he said "No!!!!"
Jan 27th: I sent him the NC Note.
Jan 30: he called at 11 am, texted at 10 twice.My concern is that how can he tell me a week earlier that there is NEVER a chance of us getting back together and now he is texting me telling me he misses me and that he is confused???? I am afraid if i dont reply to the text, he might consider it rude and stop missing me :(??
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago peacelove
offlineMemberStick with your plan. Mine is working. Hes holding onto you and contacting you again and again because hes himself not so sure about the breakup. YOU need to show him the consequences of what he said and make him regret his words and actions by sticking with your NC. Start dating thats what I did...and I just found out that my ex has been contacting my BEST FRIEND about me. She hasnt replied to any of his messages though .....guys like girls that have their own life apart from them.
Posted 1 month ago #-
allee said:
I am afraid if i dont reply to the text, he might consider it rude and stop missing me :(??And breaking up with you that wasn't harsh?
Stop trying to make an excuse to break NC...you will regret it.
Plus if he can stop missing you that quickly, he wasn't very much in love with you to begin with, right?
Read the free plan on my Blog, and all the articles about NC.
You have to understand what we are doing, and why you are here.
If you're going to get rattled by a few weak-ass texts to make you feel sorry for him...you're screwed.
If he wants a friend, tell him to get a dog, because you're off the leash.
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago # -
allee
offlineMemberThank you so much everyone for responding..
He called me around 11, I didn't answer.. he left a voice mail saying "Hey, its me.. I know you told me not to call you but I really kinda wanted to talk to you. alright, just gimme a call back..you know.. if you want to, i appreciate it... thank you"I didn't feel the regret or sincerity in his voice, so I am thinking he is confused himself and I shouldn't call him back to clear his confusion.. iam just glad that he is feeling the pain that i felt!!!
Posted 1 month ago # -
MrEnte
offlineMemberHey,it seems you are getting better. And If not contacting him back makes you feel good. Keep doing it until you feel you are fully ready to get back together. Do not rush things, it seems to early and you really have to realize if you want him back or not.
Best wishes!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago Wringo
offlineMemberYeah, don't jump the gun here. He's obviously confused. Let him chase you. For the time being, just focus on yourself.
You need to get to the point where you understand that you need no one else in your life but yourself. You'll know when you get there. Hopefully, your ex will evolve as well and you'll be able to figure things out. And even if he doesn't, you come out happier and a winner.
Look at this as a time to truly grow, something most people never do! Reflect on yourself, what might have gone wrong in the relationship, learn your lesson, and keep moving forward. It's the only way to do this.
Have fun evolving!
M
Posted 1 month ago #-
allee
offlineMemberHi.. first I would like to say thank you so much everyone REALLY!!!.. the support that I have been getting from here is amazing!!!!
He texted me again this morning saying "you can't give me one minute?" Ofcourse I am NOT replying back..
I am afraid that if I ignore him too much, when it comes time to breaking the NC note after one month, he may hold back because of animosity he may hold towards me because i ignored his calls and texts now. (because as it is, he has called me three times and texted me like 5 times in 1 day.. which to me seems excessive because I wasn't really expecting this.. i am happy that he is feeling it but also scared at the same time)
Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberI have to agree with MrEnte and Wringo. Ignore his attempts to contact you at the moment. It seems he's not sure of what he wants and you're not ready to reconnect. He's acting out of fear as he's starting to feel that you're serious about NC and he's losing control over you and the situation. That's why he's calling 5 times in a short period! You hold the leash now and he's hating that
My ex is behaving the same way and on top of that he's with another woman! lolThe fact that you feel that you are ignoring him only shows that you're not focusing on yourself, you're focusing on him. Understand that you're not ignoring him at all. He's hurt you, he was the one that broke up with you, the one who told you "I don't want you in my life". You're giving him and yourself space to breathe after the relationship and gain some control over both the situation and yourself. And for that to happen the only way is doing NC.
Listen to this. Me and my Bf were on and off for like 3 months. And each time we got back together, our relationship lasted less and less time. Why? Because we were afraid to lose each other and we were on each other's faces even when we were separated. We weren't ready to reconnect after any of the time we've broken up so we kept going back to the same old failed relationship. I know this by experience. I lived that the last 3 months of our relationship. I can't tell you how emotionally draining that is. With each breakup our hearts were breaking as well. Breaking time after time after time after time... you get my drift.
Don't make the same mistakes as I did if you want him back. Right now you shouldn't even be concentrating on that. Easier said than done, but that's the truth. The more you want him back the less he will be back. If you reply, he'll know that he has you under his influence and control and off he goes again! You are afraid and that's perfectly natural. So am I. Actually I'm terrified. I wish there was another way, but there isn't. Don't contact him before YOU are ready and feel confident that you can start a NEW relationship with him. I'm going through the exact same thing, you're not alone. It's one of the hardest things we have to through at an emotional level. Stand your ground and be strong Allee!
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberadmin said:
If he wants a friend, tell him to get a dog, because you're off the leash.
I so want to break my NC and throw this sentence on his face! That's what I should've told him and he said he could still be friends. I won't of course... but I can think it
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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offlineMemberThankyou for responding Rox. Yeah, I haven't called him back.. He called like every hour on sunday and a couple times today.. i aint picking up though.. i am staying strong!
Now the thing is, I am starting rotations at the same hospital where he is rotating net week. He will hear thru friends that i am there too. And i know he will try n find me to talk about this stuff.. But this is the NC period and I am working on myself right now, and am not where i exactly wanna be (trying to get back in shape and stuff). So would this give a bad impact on the current situation? Also how do I avoid him if he wants to meet up to talk and stuff? Just say I am busy?
Posted 1 month ago #-
allee
offlineMemberDay 6 of NC note: I was doing fine the first few days.. then he started calling me the 4th and 5th day of the NC note.. i din't cal back.. but today he called only once... and i spent the rest of the day wondering why hasn't he called more times today ... so all those feelings of despair and hurt came back.. It really felt like that I was over him the first few days of NC.. but today I guess its just a terrible day for me.. To avoid plaguing my mind with the thoughts of why he hasn't called today, i tried takin a nap for half an hour and woke up angry.. no feelings of despair though, well maybe a little. It is just so emotionally draining.. I read ur diary Rox.. it gives me hope
Posted 1 month ago # -
riegs000
offlineMemberwell done allee for staying strong. I completely understand how you are feeling 100%. I hadnt had any contact with my ex for 3 weeks, now she is starting msg and ring, twice 2day and tell me she is missing me. I ignored all her attempts. It throws you off doesnt it. Keep sticking to your guns. It might be time to block the number. when you feel terrible do something active or hang with your friends. It really helps. Everytime i think of picking the fone i think of me handing her back the leash to control me.
good luckPosted 1 month ago # -
allee
offlineMemberhi dear ppl.. i try to keep my posts very short so its easy for you all to read and reply to.. I dont know why I am writing here today.. maybe cuz i am just feeling hopeless again.. i am definitely not breaking my NC note .. i guess i have nothing to do right now.. i am waiting to move to NY for my school .. hopefully next week.. it just seems a long time .. each and every second is so hard to pass by!!!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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allee
offlineMemberI know my ex's password to his email. He sent his pictures to his sister to meet potential girls :(:(.. its tearing me apart cuz he called me non stop for the past 5 days 3 days into my NC.. i didn't answer.. He sent those pics yesterday and he hasn't called me in two days.. what does this mean? anyone plz help me.. :(:( its eating me alive :(:(
Posted 1 month ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberLet him send all the pictures he wants Sweetie......Let him go! Because that's all those other girls have is potential!!
You have more than they do...You have a HEART! And maybe one day in the future he will see that, if he doesn't then you didn't need him.I know this is hard to read and hard to put into action but you must control your emotions.....I was in the same emotional state you were in a few weeks ago. It gets better, it really does!
I don't know what it means as to why he hasn't called you since he sent the pictures. Maybe it means he is finally getting the "hint"...."You will contact him when you are ready". And you are not ready so don't answer that phone girl.....it will only hurt you worse, I promise you that!
The only way out is NC, this plan, this forum, MOMU, and support from people on this site! If you don't get the answer you are looking for in your post.....read other post. That's what I did.....I read till I couldn't read anymore...and learned A LOT!
Get a hold of our emotions and calm down.......
And why is he calling after you sent the NC message???? Is that respect in your book after you asked him not to call? He is disrespecting you, you don't NEED him! Respect yourself more Allee!
The NC message has flipped his switch....let it keep flipping! You carry on with yourself.....easier said than done I know but you won't regret it....I haven't yet:)! It's been the best thing I have done for myself in a long long long time!
You can do it Allee.....You can do it! Stay Positive :)!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago allee
offlineMemberfinallyfedup said:
Let him send all the pictures he wants Sweetie......Let him go! Because that's all those other girls have is potential!!
You have more than they do...You have a HEART! And maybe one day in the future he will see that, if he doesn't then you didn't need him.Reading this brought tears to my eyes FINALLYFEDUP.. thank u so much.. i feel better reading this.. ur right, those grls only have potential but i have a heart .. OMG.. this statement really touched me.. i can't thank u enough..
Posted 1 month ago #-
MrEnte
offlineMemberHi Allee, thanks for your message.
After my NC e-mail (which I wrote from my heart as I didn't knew this site), I followed a 6 weeks of NC. She only contacted me once in a while, as she needed all the stuff she left at my place. That's over now but she still receives her mail here. I asked her to change the address at the local comunity service and bank. She didn't do it yet...
We respected their decision to break up, they should respect our decision of NC. No matter what they think. A meeting should only be arranged once both parts are ready.
Please, try not to worry about what he does. Focus on yourself, is the only way you can evolve. Do things that will make you happy, but not for him.
Stop checking his inbox, as it's also not fair to him. I know it's hard. Once you are not in a relationship the other person is free to date and move on if they want. Without giving many explanations. It's hard for us to understand, but that's the way it is.
Unfortunately this world is full of liars so you truly won't be able to recognize if his personal e-mails are real or just a transitory feeling.My ex was telling me she loved me one week before the break up... so if they don't know what they trully feel, we shouldn't go crazy trying to analyze them.
Take care of yourself, go out, smile, flirt. Replace bad thoughts with good ones. Move on with your life and soon you'll have the power to decide what to do.
You are gonna make it
Posted 1 month ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberohhhhhh Im Sorry....didn't mean to bring tears :(! I have been where you are now (only a few weeks ago, and still there now in some ways)......it hurts I know but you can take that hurt and redirect it to positive thinking. He will come back to you in the end....they always do!
But by then....You will have yourself back and you prob wont' need him. That will have to be your choice then. In the meantime...find yourself :)! It's a GREAT JOY when you do!
Posted 1 month ago # -
allee
offlineMember -
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offlineMemberHi.. this thing has been bugging me so any comments will be greately appreciated!!!
1. IF he is the kinda guy who thinks you are ignoring him, the NC note still stands until I have evolved? Bcuz he called me like crazy for 5 days in a row (the 3rd day of my NC) teling me that he missed me and was confused. So should I nicely tell him again that I need time so he doesn't feel ignored hence killing any possibility of us getting back together in future? I am only wondering bcuz he hasn't called me after those five days at all!! And I also know he is looking for other chicks now. (i am just afraid that by not answering his phone calls I might have sent him the msg that I am not interested in him anymore at all)
2. SHould I delete the pics from my phone? Cuz aren't they meaningless now since if we get back together in future, it will be like dating someone new, a NEW relationship..?
Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMember1. YES! It stands till you feel in total control of your emotions and in a stage that you won't be totally desperate if you never get back together. That is the point of NC, you're doing this for you, not to get him to call you. By calling he's testing you and trying to find out if you were really serious about NC and if he still has you. DO NOT pick up his phone calls Allee! Now it's the time for you to work on yourself and get some power back. Of course he's confused, you've just rejected him
You need to realise you're not ignoring him. You have some important decisions to make in your life, you asked specifically that he wouldn't contact you. He's the one ingoring your request. And by not responding you're not killing any possibility of reconciliation, you're just improving that chance! By remaining in NC you'll both find out if you really love each other, you'll have the time to be in control of your emotions, you'll giving him the opportunity to miss you! If you're available whenever he calls, he'll know he still has you and off he goes! Don't give in Allee, be strong and ignore his attempts for now. Give time a chance to work it's magic. I too was worried that I would come across as rude if I didn't reply to my ex's mail and I can tell you the best thing I did was not replying at all. Why? Because they realise you're the one in control of the situation and it's a position they hate to be in. Make him work for you!
2. I would say yes, delete them. But that's really up to you whether or not to keep them. If you're the type that feels easily tempted to look at them and remember the past, don't think twice - delete them. It will only stall the whole process, that's like a ball and chain attached to you. I know that cause the hardest fight I had with myself was stop checking his facebook. Once I let that go, I felt so much better.
Be strong Allee! You can do this and we're here to help you.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
First off Rox's advice was right on the money.
Great Job Rox! (Thumbs High)
allee said:
So should I nicely tell him again that I need time so he doesn't feel ignored hence killing any possibility of us getting back together in future?You didn't say anything about "ignoring" him in the NC message...you asked for some time...that's it.
If he's too fucking stupid to understand what "do not contact me " means, that's not your fault.
allee said:
And I also know he is looking for other chicks now. (i am just afraid that by not answering his phone calls I might have sent him the msg that I am not interested in him anymore at all)Hello!
He broke up with you, and you're worried about the message you're sending him?
Time to pull your head out of your ass allee, OK?
If he is off chasing chicks after hounding you for 5 days, it's only to make you jealous...and it's working isn't it?
You're in control...stay there...listen to Rox.
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago # -
allee
offlineMemberRox said:
By remaining in NC you'll both find out if you really love each other, you'll have the time to be in control of your emotions, you'll giving him the opportunity to miss you!Rox.. i know it will sound stupid but i guess that's my fear-- fear if the end result is that my ex really DID NOT love me for the 2 and a 1/2 yrs that i was with him. I mean i guess i am just too afraid to accept that, but i know i have to let things go.. otherwise i ll never be able to move on.
Rox said:
If you're the type that feels easily tempted to look at them and remember the past, don't think twice - delete them. It will only stall the whole process, that's like a ball and chain attached to you.Yes..I get very upset and depressed whenever i look at the pictures. Most likely i will be deleting them.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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allee
offlineMemberOMG.. so i am back. I didn't have a computer for 2 wks and then from my school, i couldnt access this website. I have bad news. I broke the NC but it was inevitable.. I won't bore you guys with the details.
I talked with him over the phone for a lil bit about random stuff. I could tell he didn't wanna get off the phone but I did get off though. Now I have to start a second NC.
In one text my ex told me that "i have though about it a 100 times if I made a mistake and every time i wanted to talk to you about it, you didn't wanna talk.. i still don't know. I just know that I miss you so much and we got along really well".
So i guess its a good sign that he is realizing that this was a mistake... but then also, he is doubtful about it. So i definitely need to give it more time, and i am also not ready yet.
I am gonna look at other ppl's pages right now to see if We are supposed to send the same NC note again or its sometihng different this time. Plz feel free to comment about wat you guys think.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
allee
offlineMemberalso I have one more concern.. he was literally begging me to talk to him about the feelings he still had for me but i kept saying no. I just hope that when I want to reconnect with him in a couple of months, I dont know if he ll hold that against me and not wanna see me.
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
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offlineMemberAllee, stop worrying about what he feels ~ you should be focusing on yourself for now. I messed up with my early reconnection, and it may hurt your chance of reconnecting later. So, start your own personal evolution and start writing your journal to see the pros and cons of the relationship.
Go out and have a bit of fun at least, start enjoy your life.
We are all here to support you!!
Posted 3 weeks ago #-
MrEnte
offlineMemberLove is not pulling from a rope to see who wins
As I told you on PM, you are doing great... You are just asking him for your espaces and time.
You must be proud of yourself 'cause you totally switched the situation and you are on control now.
Keep it up and keep evolving!
Good evening everyone, dinner time
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 weeks ago allee said:
one more mistake i made is that I confronted him about the grl he is trying to go out with :(.. now i feel like the biggest idiot that i shoudlnt have done that..Don't worry about it, start over again.
Mistakes are all part of your personal evolution, go read my NC diary.
I fucked up plenty before I got it right...how did I finally get it right?
I NEVER gave up!
Until I started kicking ass like
allee said:
yes rabbit.. u r right.. i just sent him the NC note again. Lets see wat happens nowPerfect recovery, now just learn from your mistake, OK?
Great Job Allee!
Stay Strong!
Posted 3 weeks ago #-
AlysaC
offlineInactiveAllee, he is being very disrespectful to you - constantly contacting you when you said you needed time. Just keep on ignoring him, it's driving him completely crazy. Remember, people always want most what they cannot have - make sure he knows he can't have you (for now anyway!)
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
allee said:
However i didn't find MY NC Diary. Is that YOUR nc diary? can you please give me the link there?It is called SWs NC (no cocktails) Diary
allee said:
Also.. one question: does breaking the NC NOTE hurt my chances of reconciliation??No, but it doesn't help your time line, every time you have to start over, the longer it takes to succeed.
Stay focused, and stay strong!
Posted 3 weeks ago # -
Rabbit
offlineMemberAllee, do not worry about the reconciliation at this point ~ I know you want your ex back instantly but I would not happen that way. You got to have patient ~ I have learnt to be be patient here. What you should be doing now is get yourself back, it will get a lot easier in times.
I still want my ex back, but I do not need him to make me happy anymore. I can have my own control back, it is my life. I can do it so can you!! We all here to support each other out!!
I still have a long way to go, but I am more confident and comfortable in my own skin. And I am happy to start enjoying myself. Start your journey now ~
Posted 3 weeks ago #
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