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BEAUTY's NC Diary
(113 posts) (21 voices)-
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Posted 2 months ago -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberI started my NC on 29Dec'09 and its New Year today,dis is my 2nd NC after my too eager reconnection earlier and dis time my boyfrnd called me like 15 times and smsed me twice for wishing New Year but i didnt respond him by not taking his calls and not even smsing him bak happy new year, hope i am doing dis rite as I didnt even reply him bak to his sms to wish him happy new year
Also i believe in d power of NC and i am gonna stick to it and again eveolve myself personally as i had started doing it in Nov by joining Salsa dance classes and losing wt, i am gonna work more on being less emotional and redefining my piorities and get back my life
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010 TO ME
Posted 2 months ago # -
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SW: am i supposed to sms him bak and say happy new year to him?That is a personal choice.
You can just to be polite just a short message saying "Happy New Year", but after that ignore all the rest.
He will just be trying to get you to break NC.
Hopefully you sent the recommended NC message without any changes.
Stay Strong!
Posted 2 months ago #-
BEAUTY
offlineMemberSo i finally smsed my ex Happy New year, but i think coz of network problems wen i resend it, it wud have been like 4or 6 times he wud hav got d same happy new year message, as i was not getting delivery reports, anyways, its 4th day of NC as i didnt contact him and didnt take any of his calls yesterday, i hav to be strong and hope dat even though he must hav got my sms like 6 times, i didnt break my NC
Posted 2 months ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberI am being strong and hav not contacted my ex and no facebook also as he had himself barred me from it almost 3 months ago and i cant even search his profile as i am blocked by him but we hav orkut and i hav not scrapped him for a long time and he had visited my profile but i visit his after i hide my profile visits, ha ha ha ha.and den he will never know.
So dats it
Posted 2 months ago # -
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offlineMembertoday i felt like calling up my bf, but didnt do so, even though i cried thinking why did i hurt him, anyways i hav lot of things to evolve in me, i hav to be strong, (even though my bf gets drunkand calls me in d nite and says dat he loves me but we cant be together now as he is afriad we will mess up and things will be worse then and wants me to move ahead as he has moved and wants me to be happy and says its best for both of us for our future , this he said to me last month on 26Dec'09 after my ist reconnection attempt wid him and he also mentioned it will take him sometime to forget me but he will do soand that he tried for 1.5yrs wid me to change but now he cant do it any longer as i had hurt him and i know i did and i had asked sorry from him)
I will stick to NC as i love him and want him to be back wid me and to be happy and i want to be happy myselfPosted 2 months ago #-
BEAUTY said:
he tried for 1.5yrs wid me to change but now he cant do it any longer as i had hurt him and i know i did and i had asked sorry from himYou are not making him drink.
No one knows what they want when they live out of a bottle.
He needs to evolve too.
As far as the past goes you can't change it so why worry about it?
Learn from it and use that knowledge to stick with your personal evolution, OK?
When you get to be 49 years old you would have made so many mistakes you lose count...who fucking cares?
Who cares what you did, it's what you're doing now that matters the most.
Everyday is a clean slate, a fresh start, use it to write yourself a happy ending.
Don't fill it up with old news that you can't change.
Stay Strong!
Posted 2 months ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberI was just reading others NC diary and i realised that we all are going thru d same, i have been crying for d last 1 week, was on bed for 3 days, cudnt go to office, but den i had to get up and move myself emotionsally and hav to take control of my life bak even though my heart knows dat he loves me and i hav hurt him a lot and i want him to come bak to me, as i hav decided to be spend my life wid him only, but then i am only thinking abt him all d times and missing him as my sister is getting married and we were to get married after her as this is is India where i live and here if an elder sister is not married and younger gets married, people find fault wid d elder sibling (i.e. me). I am missing him but hav not called him as i want to stay strong.
Posted 2 months ago # -
Purek
offlineMemberKeep it up Beauty! Everything is really hard in the beginning. I have tha same probs as u. I am the eldest and my younger bro and younger sis both have kids. I am almost 30...but not sure if i want kids so idk. I was crying all the time, couldn't sleep or eat for 2 months after the break up. You can get thru this...we all will!
Posted 2 months ago # -
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offlineMemberTried diverting my mind in endless shopping for my sister's trousseau, weeding is after 3days now, many things to be done, wanna hav some fun, even though occassionally my mind is drifting, but goona control it.
Been eating too many sweets & paraanthas coz of d function at home, but goona be on detox for next 3 days as i wanna luk gud, got my dress and designed my dupatta also.
Now need to start my morning walks after d marriage function.
Many things to be done in life, hav to pick my strings and carry on and the best will be wen i will again join my salsa dance classes in Feb.
It is difficult being a girl but hav to stay strong.Posted 2 months ago #-
BEAUTY
offlineMemberhav been on NC since 29Dec'09, my ex has not contacted me since then,also I have been too busy in my sister's wedding which went great, am tired now coz of all the sleepless nites spent in d preparation and all d dancing done!!
Now i feel like giving up on him as he is not showing any signs of contacting, dont know wat to do, sticking to my NC and doing things for myself,but my heart seems without any strong emotions for him now!!!
Maybe he didnt contact me on purpose as he knew abt my sister's wedding ,so many questions in my mind but all without any strong emotions, still trying to follow the plan !!!!!!!Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberwud his parents hav approved me wen they wanted me to convert to their religious faith as in being baptised as a protestant christianwhen i am a sikh? wud they hav accepted me then? and wen my boyfrienad used to ask me daiy to convert to marry him,and if i had done all that, where wud i hav been today? just becoz i am of a different religion meant that i was a lesser person(i was someone like an untouchable lesser mortal for his parents for his parents even though his parents used to show humanity to street dogs but i didnt deserve it as i was of a different religion, a sinner for them)and he also used to say that he will leave me if i dont convert as he cannot get married to me?is religion such a big thing while getting married? cant two persons of different faith marry and raise their kids? i was reading Scott's post in one of d NC dairy(maybe KCs) he said find people of similar interests, so does it mean it is not rite to love someone from different faith? also my boyfriend and i were like opposites, so where do i stand? he used to make me feel inferior by remarking i was not looking ud or my dressing style was bad, etc,etc, but now i think it was his problem as he had some complex and he used to check out my every movements by calling me so often and he used to spy on me online also , hmmmmmmm dont know but today its just like why? i hav to love myself and am doing a decent job of it and dont hav to worry abt wat he is doing, even though he has not contacted me since i initaited NC 2nd time.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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offlineMemberand then when i think about all our fights as my boyfriend used to say it was all my faults or i wud blame PMS or work/home stress forit, dint know but why we used to fight so much when he used to care for me but at timed i used to feel he didnt actually ask me wat i required but used to do his own version of trying to keep me happy and we wud do wat he wanted except for d part wen he used to go shopping wid me to d malls for hours and he used to complain dat we never used to sit and talk, so mant questions but not strong emotions now, it seems ok to let him goaway now or do i still fight for him? and then his family and his parents?
Posted 1 month ago #-
BEAUTY
offlineMemberbeen so many days of NC now, my ex had blocked me from his FB account in oct only and den i opened another fictitious account and saw his wall posts today, on last sunday he wrote he is happy finally, wat does this means? he looks so happy, he has not even contacted me once during NC, he is enjoying his life, and i am sulking for him,d emotions come bak wenever i see his fb and his latest photos there, i cant help falling in love wid him again and again, but wat do i do? i am trying to move on, he has lready moved on, i am still stuck, feel like calling him, but den i stop myself,
Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberhave been on d net today after 10 days and i saw dat my ex had removed all my photo comments from his fb albums, he also removed my b'day card album.
am feeling really low and dejected and no hope is left today, he even deleted me from his orkut accoutn also.Posted 1 month ago # -
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offlineMemberhav been on d net d whole day, hav got cervical spondolysis pain now, but read so many members dairy today,and thot abt all i wanted to do wid my life, i wanted to travel around d world, go to US to study further for my hypnotherapy course(am a hypnotherapist&past life regression therapist)and do so much which i just settled for wen i settled into a relationship wid my ex,he seemed understanding initially den we started arguing over wat i wantd to do, etc, blah blah blah,and now i realise i hav my dreams to follow, i just wanna travel around d world,learn new things,make lots of money and i wanna be happy in d nutshell!
been like a puppy for my ex and hav to stop it now.
Hav been so busy d previous 2 weeks for my youger sister's wedding which went gr8, now she is married,is gone on to her honeymoon,will be visiting us on friday,need to do so much in the home, still so much of responsibilities to take care,i need some time to get bak to my routine, for own self.
Jan has been such a busy month!!!
And today being my country's Republic Day, i made most of d holiday today to laze around and think!!!1Posted 1 month ago #-
BEAUTY said:
d emotions come bak wenever i see his fb and his latest photos there, i cant help falling in love wid him again and again, but wat do i do?Yes you can help yourself.
BEAUTY said:
i opened another fictitious account and saw his wall posts todayInstead of "spying" on your ex...focus on the plan, and getting your life back.
Follow your dreams.
Once you are true to yourself the right man will appear...follow your dreams.
BEAUTY said:
i wanted to travel around d worldDon't give up on your dreams...find someone who shares them with you...never settle.
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberhmm, after thinking hard yesterday, i realised dat my ex is doing these things to see my reaction and i am not reacting to him,let him delete our snaps and himself as friend from orkut, i dont care!!!
I care for my happiness only and i will find it soon thru little steps i take each day.
And obsessing over my ex makes me sick and dis has happned twice in my NC now, i plan to do NC till end of Feb even though it will be valentine, i will not call him,i will wait and c his reactions but he willnot get mine, ha ha ha ha
Managed to go to office today even though i had fever and cold, will push myself harder and now i need to start my morning walks as d winter chill is going to end soon.Posted 1 month ago # -
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offlineMemberwill anyone let me know wat r their viewpoints abt my earlier post posted a day ago, i am quoting it again "
BEAUTY said:
wud his parents hav approved me wen they wanted me to convert to their religious faith as in being baptised as a protestant christianwhen i am a sikh? wud they hav accepted me then? and wen my boyfrienad used to ask me daiy to convert to marry him,and if i had done all that, where wud i hav been today? just becoz i am of a different religion meant that i was a lesser person(i was someone like an untouchable lesser mortal for his parents for his parents even though his parents used to show humanity to street dogs but i didnt deserve it as i was of a different religion, a sinner for them)and he also used to say that he will leave me if i dont convert as he cannot get married to me?is religion such a big thing while getting married? cant two persons of different faith marry and raise their kids? i was reading Scott's post in one of d NC dairy(maybe KCs) he said find people of similar interests, so does it mean it is not rite to love someone from different faith? also my boyfriend and i were like opposites, so where do i stand? he used to make me feel inferior by remarking i was not looking ud or my dressing style was bad, etc,etc, but now i think it was his problem as he had some complex and he used to check out my every movements by calling me so often and he used to spy on me online also , hmmmmmmm dont know but today its just like why? i hav to love myself and am doing a decent job of it and dont hav to worry abt wat he is doing, even though he has not contacted me since i initaited NC 2nd time.does religion play such a big role in love and marriage?
wat do u guys think? i never thot dat religion cud divide us, let me know ur viepointsPosted 1 month ago #-
Wringo
offlineMemberHey Beauty,
I'll start with your question about religion.
First of all, do you mind me asking if your ex is an only child? If yes, his relationship with his parents will be very influential on him unless he starts to use this time to grow up and become a man. That's why you need to stick to NC.
If he's not an only child, then here's what I have to say:
Religion is a big issue for many people. That doesn't mean it cannot be overcome. In truth, it's what you make of it. I don't know the laws of every religion and it would be wrong for anyone to say what is right or wrong for you to do. From what I understand, you were willing to convert. But is that something that you REALLY wanted to do or felt in the deepest parts of your heart was the right thing to do?
Again, the role of religion is what you make it out to be in your relationships. This is something that you need to answer for yourself. All we can do, is point you in the right directions to help you find the answer in yourself.
Now let's talk about your ex's behavior:
Removing your pictures and comments doesn't mean anything bad. In fact, it's a good thing! He's reacting to the breakup which means he cares. If he's doing it because he's pissed and he's being a child, then it's because he cares about you and the NC is driving him up the wall.
No matter what, he's trying to get a reaction from you. Especially with his comments on FB. So let him get flustered and continue acting that way. Show him what you are made of and don't react! It might not be easy, and there will be times where you'll feel like calling and breaking down, but that's cool. It's part of the process. Let it happen, just don't break NC!
Which brings me to another topic! YOU.
DELETE HIM FROM EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA SITE YOU USE AND STOP OBSESSING OVER HIM. It's ruining your progress. You must delete him from your FB and stop looking at his profile. Delete him from any messenger program you use. Get rid of any emails that you have from him. Gather anything you have of his, including pictures, presents, or anything that reminds you of him. Then put it in a box and give it to a friend to hold on to. You need to DELETE him from your life right now.
It's the only way you'll really start moving forward. You've already initiated NC. GOOD THINKING! Now keep going.
You have so many dreams. In fact, don't call them dreams anymore. Call them plans. Make them definite. No matter how much money you need for them. BELIEVE that it's already happening and that you're on your way to accomplishing it.
What have you been doing in order to accomplish these GOALS? Do you have them written down anywhere?
I decided to buy a cheap white board, write out all my goals. Cut out pictures of each of my goals (like I already accomplished them) and hung it up in my apartment so I have a constant reminder of where I'm heading. This is so powerful you have no idea. Go ahead and Google "Vision Boards". It'll give you a great idea of how to make your own. It doesn't cost any money (or very little) but will change you life.
Perhaps go read some books by very successful people who've accomplished what you want to accomplish. I can recommend a couple:
Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss
Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
Two great books. And let me tell you, you're no different than anyone else. If they've accomplished the things they have, there's no reason you can't either.
Start focusing on YOURSELF.
And one last thing. It seems like your ex was a control freak. Spying on you, telling you that you don't dress well or what not. Is that something you want to experience again? Or do you want to find a guy who appreciates you for what you are?
If you feel he was right to a certain extent, then go out and start changing the things YOU want to change. Don't change because someone else wants you to change. I made that mistake before (both in wanting others to change, and changing for others) it never works. If anything, it makes things worse in the end.
Change is good when you want to do it for yourself.
Okay okay, one last thing!
Go ahead and start keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. I have a ton lying on my shelves. It's a good way to get all those confusing thoughts out of your head and putting them in perspective.
Start with writing all the NEGATIVE qualities your ex had. Only the NEGATIVE. Focus on those negative qualities on a daily basis and together with deleting him from your life, it will help you further understand things.
Next, write down the qualities that you are looking for in the perfect man you want to share your life with. Include anything and be as specific as possible.
Afterward, see how many of those qualities your ex has. You might be surprised to see the results. Heck, you might burst out laughing when you see them.
You have plenty of work cut out for you. Including your sisters wedding. Go start doing it all NOW. Don't wait until tomorrow.
Good luck to you and remember to Rock and Roll All Night And Day!
Cheers!
M
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago BEAUTY said:
does religion play such a big role in love and marriage?
wat do u guys think?This is exactly why I am NOT religious.
From what I have seen through out history it has caused more harm (death and misery) than good...but it is still a personal choice.
A personal choice, that's right...your choice, not your boyfriends family or church.
You should not have to change what you believe or who you are to be loved in return.
Because once they start chipping away at you, they won't stop until they turn you into one of them, and then what happened to beauty?
If you want "true" love you have to stay "true" to yourself.
Never Settle.
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago #-
BEAUTY
offlineMemberSW, i agree wid wat u say, coz i used to feel dat if i love someone even if they r of different religion,nothing should matter coz God is one and we worship him in different forms and wen i thought about conversion it was out of desperation to get him bak to me and not becoz i believed dat he and his family was right, it was to get their acceptance and not wat my heart said to me!!I was always going to his place of worship and worshipping like him coz i studied in convent schools all my life but i hav never been so orthodox like him and his family and if i cud accept him the way he was, he too shud hav accepted me d way i am, and as i just posted on someone's dairy just now, we hav to be true to ourselves and we all r equal and we shud love everyone equally the way they r and i hav started loving myself d way i am, going for my salsa dance classes for almost 3 months now(which i was not able to do since last1.5yrs as my bf said he cud not see me dancing wid someone else)loosing weight which i had gained by eating all d sweet chocolaty stuff wif him and yes changing my looks and being more confident about myself!!!
I will not allow anyone to chip me for they hav to accept me d way i am as i accept them!!!
Thnaks to all for posting your thoughts and for keeping ur dairies!!!
And today i took leave and had rest d whole day coz i am down wid cold and fever but my thinking is getting clearer now!!!Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberi am still down with severe cough and cold, went for my salsa class yesterday, and had fun with my salsa mates, we went shopping and had coffee which is so regular for us to do on our Salsa Sundays and gifted our instructor a beautiful pair of salsa shoes, she loved it as went to her home and cut her b'day cake.
Am in office now, d day started gloomy wid me not feeling well and all my trainings for d day alsogot cancelled so i used dis opportunity to read others NC posts and i found that they all never had such bad fights and disagreements with their ex d way i had and that is why they were able to reconnect and hav them bak.
I had lot of fights wid him and after d break up i did alld begging and pleading wid him even so dat wen he called me to meet him after our break up, i went to see him(it was in oct around14) and we fought again wen he told me very specifically dat d words which i had said ( i had said very very bad and horrible words to hav hurt any man's sensibilties) had hurt him, he has forgiven me but cannot forget those words and they hurt him a and it is best for us to be apart for we fight so much, there is no future in our relationship. And d arguements from my side so irritated him dat he just threw my purse out of his car and dragged me out of his car right in front of d market and people watching, and i was so shocked dat i asked him if he will do dis wid his mon or sister d way he did wid me ? and he said he wanted to get rid of me!!
All i hav been thinking is dat will he come bak? i am eveolving, hav learned from my mistakes hav apologised to him but he has not contacted me since i initiated NC and he had already asked me earlier dat he will give time till march2010 for dis relationship to work and wen i had reconnected wid him in dec after initial nc of 30 days, he had asked dat if i had stayed without him since oct(2 months)d next 3 months(jan,feb, march will also pass) and i will be happy without him and it will be d best for our future, dont know wat he meant by dis coz he had himself said we cud wirk out till march and den he said dat we can be apart till march and den see if we still want to be together?
I dont want to connect him even if it is now Feb, d valentine's month(coz on last valentine,our ist valentine, he had given me our engagement ring and we had planned to be married by this march), i am feeling so confused today!!!
My situation is so different from other people who had reconneted and got bak!!![[/b]b]I had planned to be in NC till mid march, but if i do so, den am i reinforcing his words about another 3 months from jan too wud pas without me seeing him and it will be gud for us?
HELP me as i am confused and i am still sticking to my NC and and am working on improving myself a lot.Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberhave completed my 1 month of NC and gone through a myriad of feelings and empotions, came to term with my own self, realised what a great eprson i am, what i want in my life, will not settle for less and will not settle for a man who in the name of love will keep on chipping away at me, my self confidence,my emotions and my self respect!!
My man will not make me feel inferior in any way and if he does so he does not love me truly for true lovers are like friends and help each other grow better and fabulouse and dont criticise and degrade their lover.
My man will understand my need for fullfilling my own dreams and will help me in it and will always support me.
He will not be a mama's boy who does not have his won stand but will be a mature understanding adult who will respect and have his own viewpoints.
He will not degrade other persons and other religions and will not be someone who is obsessed with his own grandiosity and will want to get things done his own way always and will never compare anything in terms of monetary value the gifts i give to him with the value of gifts he has given or given to him by his family. It sucks to know that my love is all a price, a monetary compensation ,an expensive reward to make him happy with me. No way will i tolerate such an individual!!!My man will be thye one who will understand me emotionally and even when i am pmsing and will share his life with me anf not keep anything mysterious only being interested in knowing all about me and my routine every minute and checking on me every hour.No i will not want this kind of guy in my life. As i share my joys and sorrows with him so will he share and he should be confident in me and my feelings for him the way i am confident in his love for me.
My man will not compare me with his family and his other friends especially his friends who are girls and will not play any games with me in trying to make me jealous or insecure by dropping their names and flirting with them. Such a man does not have any back bone and his friends are sluts who paly along with him and my feelings.I dont want a man with this kind of character trait.
My man will be honest, loving, kind, fun loving person with whom i can connect mentally i.e. intellectually and on spirit and soul level also. I would like to go around the world with my man and see new places, do adventure sports and to be at home in the evening to open the door for him sometimes and hug him.
We will enjoy all the ups and downs of life together and create our cozy little world being comfortable in each others arms and having two kids to complete our family.
My man would also understand the concept of spirituality and the concept that God is one and we all worship him in different forms and all of us are God's children trying to fullfill our roles here as best as we can and we make mistakes sometimes but we also learn from them and intrinsically no one is a bad human being but may be a victime of his circumstances or other karmas and we can forgive and forget and live our own lives happily.
GOD BLESS US ALL
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago BEAUTY
offlineMemberToday i forgive my guy for what he did to me as he did what he was aware of in his circumstances to be the best and i also ask forgiveness from him too for what i did. The universe will send my apology and my forgiveness to him right now. I am a truly wonderfiull and lovable person who is loved and appreciated by all and i love and approve of myslef.
I no longer cling on to stuff that has completed its lifetime and any emotions also.
I dont carry any baggage which is not required and my life is a beautiful charming life making me happy.I let go of all the things i dont require and i am happy to let go of all the things including grief, resentment, worry, sickness, pains,aches and negative thoughts and stress.
I am God's loving creation and God loves me. I am open to universal love and happiness and all good things in life.
I am me and i love myself for being me.
I am great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)
Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberBeauty from what I see you have a lot of bitterness towards your ex. I would suggest get out the anger. It wont help. Being bitter never helps anyone. So try to work on that. Remember more than people doing things to you, its your reaction to them that harms you. Take care and stay strong. Stick to the forgiving that you have done.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberI was initially angry at my ex about how he cud do this to me when we had planned to get married in march2010 and how &whyhe could do this to me, now i realise that he wanted me to change so that he cud make me a part of his life completely in his own way and he loves me.
I have forgiven him and hav forgiven myself and hav asked forgiveness from him and the universe will respond by sending my intentions to him.
Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberLife is keeping me busy and i had made wonderfull frnds wid my salsa dance group!!!
I never had frnds before, can any of u believe it!!! I was always d lonely sort who wud be to herself and was shy of people and even though i wanted to be like other people wid frnds, i never had any!!!But now i hav frnds wid whom i share things, break up had done me good as i was dependent on my guy for everything and he used to tell me to go out and hav frnds especially during d break up, so i hav done it now.
Many things i hav to do to eveolve, i hav frnds on facebook also!!!
The break up does us good when we realise it gives us an opportunity to work on ourselves and be our best!!!
Two important things which this break up had done was:
1. I hav come to vallue the relationship a lot more and never to take anyone for granted in life and not just take but give back also and to understand my boyfriend a lot better.2.I hav been doing salsa since nov'09 and it has given me happiness and new friends and new outlook on life. Also an opportunity to not to wait for my guy to take me out but i can hang out wid my frnds also and understand a lot more about human emotions and their play in interactions wid others.
Aalso my work life has improved and i hav come to accept my colleagues wid their ways even if they are very political and try to harm me but i know how to take care of myself.
And since Valentine Day is coming and on last valentine day my boyfriend gave me our engagement ring, i am still gonna be in NC and not contact him as i need to evolve a lot and i want him to eveolve also and to forgive me for all d things i did and hurt him as i had hurt him really bad.
I am waiting for him to call me and praying to God for the same and in the meantime i am learning about his religion and trying to read bible as i hav made a friend from his community, a girl who is also his frnd on orkut, and she is into ministry work and will help me to know more about their religion!!!Thats my NC post for today, i dont count my NC days now!!!
And one more thing , i was feeling a little emotionless for my ex, and i felt that i dont care what he does now, but since yesterday i was near his place, i quiclky drove down to his home and checked whether his car was there or not and as usual i find it outside his home which means he is just like a little lazy guy who was bunking his office in d afternoon and was home at 4pm. So he has not changed still!! And the way i quiclky drove away in d afternoon , no one will ever know if i was there, as people are normally sleeping in their homes at this time!!! And it gave me a realisation that i still love him a lot and want him back, so i am following my plan and evolving.No NC even if 14Feb is coming.I pray to God that he misses me and calls me as he has not called me since i had send him NC.
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago BEAUTY
offlineMemberbeen feeling so sad and depressed again lately, especially after my this sunday's salsa class and party!!!
I was happy initially as for the first time in 3 months i was asked to dance by 2 guys in my salsa dance class and i was happy to be dancing wid them and we also did bachata dance together,and i was so happy driving back home later in d night!!! But then i missed my bf so much yesterday , the whole day that i got so depressed, maybe it was monday morning blues? office blues? dunno, but again i felt like killing myself, going to his home and telling his mom (espceially) and dad and his sisters that i really love him and telling him also that i love him and i am sorry that i had hurt him so much, and then killing myself there, so that i could die in his arms and then maybe he would be really convinced that i love him!!!and his family would also accpet me then!!!
Oh God, help me, i just dont know why such thoughts and the whole details of me dying for him comes to mind suddenly like that!!
Dont know if i may do it, but i love him and this hurts the most that he doesnot care and is indifferent to me now as he has not even once called me during NC and then it had been raining here and the weather was so romantic that i missed my ex boyfriend so much that i wanted to die for him.
Aam i again going into depression?dont know, am so confused, but still woke up today and am in office, doing my work and trying to be happy, i hav to go a long way.Posted 1 month ago #-
BEAUTY
offlineMemberi need some one to love me, to hold me close, i am feeling so depressed and dis rain and romantic weather is making me feel like calling my bf and telling to hi that i love him and cant live without him or just going to his place and then killing myself there at least i will be free from the pain of my heart, i need someone to cheer me up again!!!
i am so lonely today, dunno, but i am not calling him for sure.Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberyes been having ups&downs, hav done things for myself like i went shopping, went for a party, am doing salsa but still i miss my ex so much.
dunno why i am getting these horrible thoughts of killing myself for him and doing it in front of him just to let him know that i love him and care for him.I just wanna tell his parents that i am a human even if i am of a different religion, the clour of my blood is also red and it hurts me to even think that i dont respect them and it hurts more to know that my boyfriend seems to hav become indifferent to me and all that he did hurts me a lot. It is hurting a lot, hav been crying since yesterday and trying to rationalize my emotions, but it hurts.I know suicide is not the end, but the emotional pain becomes so much big to handle especailly when the parents dont understand it and seem happy at our nreak up.
Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberNeed advice guys:
Here is what i hav been thinking for last 3 days,i am thinking of just calling up my ex and asking him to meet me and if he doesnt agree then striaghtway going to his office and asking him to come out(which will be like i am forcing him to see me) and then just giving him back the ring and his watch and saying gud bye forever!
I feel like going to his home also and to meet his parents and tell them all that comes to my mind and to also let them know that i came to their house when they were away last year in 2008 oct and their son has some of my stuff which i want back, i really feel like doing this and giving them my own piece of mind(but not too much that i become mindless) and telling them that if they call me all sorts of dirty things then their son is to be blamed also and yes i want to challenge my bf to do what he wants to do as i dont care what he will do in my office even if he knows everyone there.
I am so angry and hurt as i am missing him and he is enjoying his life.
Tell me what to do, as i am posting this here before doing anything,
PM me too, as i am so confused, i also want to go to his friend's house and tell him and his wife that i am not a bad person as they think and they hav also poisoned my bf's mind and to beg and plead with them to ask my bf to take me back.I know this sounds desperate but this is how i am feeling right now to be honest!!
Need a lot of advice and counselling right now, i am still sticking to my NC.
And one more thing, if my bf hav blocked me from his FB, and we are friends on orkut, he had two profiles on orkut, one in his real name and another wid a different name, he has deleted me from one profile where he had real name,and is still frnds wid me on the other profile and we hav scraps from our relationship saying ilove you kinds and also his last scraps are from me where i had said sorry and pleaded wid him and he has not removed them, also he had said that we should see after march if we still want to be together, i am so confused now!!
I want him back but sometimes i feel that i should finish everything between us!!
Help needed guys!!
Posted 1 month ago #
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