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Daisybo NC Diary
(461 posts) (49 voices)-
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Posted 5 months ago -
daisybo
offlineMemberwell we will see....to be honest i have had another great weekend and feeling quite resigned to the fact that if he doesn't pull his finger out of his ass and make some effort he is simply not worth it! I would prefer him in my life obviously as i am here, but i am perfectly fine without him too thankyou!
Posted 5 months ago # -
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daisybo
offlineMemberhe has told his parents. i feel sick. The source is reliable. He has thrown himself into something new and poured all his love for me straight into somebody else. I half expected it but still hurts.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberIt is so understandable that it hurts~ and I bet it hurts like hell. My heart goes out to you.
But you say it in you post - he has thrown himself into somebody else. These things rarely last. It more often than not is just a distraction technique. And to fall 'in love' is easy, and men tend to fall more quickly than women, but equally they 'fall out' just as quickly. Being 'in love' is nice in the short term but being able to maintain that love is very different!
So does this change anything for you?
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberi was thinking og emailing him the following.......good or bad plan???
We need to talk about the house. I have no way of contacting you.
I am not trying to be difficult about the house but am in a difficult situation. I had no choice but to sever the joint tenancy as you said you were thinking of going bankrupt. I have tried to conduct myself as maturely as possible but I have to protect my interests. If you prefer we can do it all through Solicitors. Or perhaps i could speak to your dad instead.
I hoped we could meet up for a chat and catch up but it seems you are not interested. I don't know if you got my email, or if you will receive this one but I wish you luck. I loved you very much and am not trying to hurt you, I want you to be happy. You were my best mate and partner in crime and I am not bitter, nor wish to be. I have no interest in battling over the house and money.
Breaking up was the best thing for us, we were both fed up at the end. I do think it is a shame that it has come to this as we had so much going for us but at the same time I am really enjoying my life now. Loads of exciting stuff has been happening this end and it is strange not being able to tell you about it all, hope everything is good with you.
ARRRGHH i dont know what to do i was so sure he would not be able to just switch off his feelings for me, but he has.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Heidi
offlineMemberShit indeed!
You say you are struggling to think straight but to me you seem quite composed and looking at it from one-step removed, which is a good thing. So give yourself a bit of credit girl.
I think the important thing now is to give yourself a bit of time to re-focus after this piece of information before trying to initiate any kind of contact. You have been really strong Daisy.
If you have been keeping a journal re-visit where you have written down the positives and the negatives of your old relationship. That may make the decision for you.
Just hold in there hunny - the show isn't over yet.
Hx
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberNo, no, no - no email yet. At least for a couple of days. Let the hurt die down a bit. You'll see that you are too emotional in what you have written. I *know* you feel the emotion, but you don't need you ex to know how things are affecting you at the moment.
Can you hold off? You will feel better, stronger if you do. I promise!
Hx
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
Heidi
offlineMemberDo you *owe* him any explanation? How do you know he thinks that?
I really do get where you are coming from. Especially the use of the word 'won'. I have found myself thinking that a lot over the last couple of years. I only feel that way when I am in moments of that desperate emotional low. When I feel stronger and on top of my emotions I actually consider what this O/W has won - and then I refer back to my list of things I didn't like about my ex.
It's also puts our exes in a passive position using the word 'won'. It suggests they had no part in what happened, and I think we do that because it makes it easier for us to deal with what has happened, and allows us to entertain the notion that we wont have compromised OUR integrity if we were to take them back.
Just my take on it - from the experiences with my ex.
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago # -
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sunflower
offlineMemberHang on Daisy. I'm so sorry about what you heard, that must be really tough and it seems that you are remaining strong. I would hold off on an email just yet-emotions are still raw and I think that when those settle, you don't want to regret it. How many times have I wanted to send an email and I was so glad later that I did not. I heard a rumor that my ex has been dating someone else 2 weeks after my break up--by someone who thought we were still together and thought she was breaking cheating news to me. I called him and expressed my anger, he denied it and said nothing happened, but i started crying as I was really hurt by it. While I know I needed to ask him and hear an admission or denial (though I have given up trying to determine whether I believe it), I regret doing the call when I heard the news and I was super emotional. I can't take that back, so I guess I'm simply trying to prevent you from having to go through that. Truth is, I don't know if my ex is with this woman. He may be. Your ex may have his parents' saying that, but honestly, second and third hand info isn't always the truth. If the love you two had together was meant to be and real, he will be thinking about that email you sent him and wondering. I think men do that sometimes. But please, you have come so far in emotional control and moving forward with your life to let this information (that may or may not be true) make you lose focus or send an email that you may regret later. Keep us updated. So sorry you are having a hard time.
Posted 5 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberThanks sunflower. What i am worried about is that he has convinced himself and by the sounds of it his parents as well, that I am a monster because of the financial stuff. I feel like i need to explain to him the situation from my point of view so he can look past that. Whilst he is convincng himself i am a cow i dont think i have a chance. does that make sense? i am wondering about taking all the emotional stuff out of the email and sending it anyway.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberEven if you *try* to convince him, he may just take it that you are trying to manipulate the situation and it may push you both further apart. He wont see it from you point of view because he *feels* it from his point of view.
Don't send it Daisy - please. Just give yourself 24 hours.
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
AJAF11
offlineMemberIm real sorry to hear that, but be confident in the fact that nearly all rebound relationships dont work out. and if your relationship was a great one, he is going to see you in everything that he does. he might be watching a movie or something, and something will trigger in his mind that you would of though it was funny etc. dunno if any of this helps, but i hope it does
Posted 5 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberwhat do you think about me emailing his dad instead? i had thought it may be a good idea and was considering it yesterday. he relies on his parents alot even tho he is pushing 30! i drafted this....
Dear XXXX
I am unable to contact XXX and am at a loss as to what to do. I have emailed him, but although he said he emailed me when I last saw him, I have not received anything.I could conduct everything through solicitors if that is best. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to come across as agressive as I certainly do not want to be. I am not bitter about what has happened, nor do I wish to be. I don't wish to battle over the house and money, and I am not interested in trying to punish XXXXXXX, I want him to be happy. I don't know how he is feeling as I have not spoken to him but I got that impression last time I saw him as he was so angry.
I don't know if you know that I severed the joint tenancy on the house. I had no choice, XXXXXXX has said that he is in financial difficulty and may go bankrupt. I have to try to protect myself as much as I can from that and possible implications. The bank states that the property is now in negative equity which makes the whole thing more complicated. I wish there was money in the house so that the mortgage and house could just be transferred and XXXXX could just have his money back.
I hope you do not mind me emailing you. As I said I really don't know what to do. I loved XXXXXX dearly, and it is very strange not being able to speak to him. I am sad that it has come to this. He was my best mate as well as my partner, and I have been very shocked at how he has reacted to everything. I am trying my best to find a way of sorting the house out and am trying to be as mature as I can be about things.
I hope this email finds you and XXXXX well. Obviously I hope that XXXXX is doing well too, and that he is happy.
Regards,
XXXXXPosted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberOkkkaaay..
If I were your exes parent reading this I would be thinking (especially as my son had already probably said how things had been going) that you were trying to involve them in the emotional side of things, and trying to manipulate the situation.
I can understand that you want to get the message over regarding the house ie. "I am trying to sort it the way that I am as I do not want to be implicated in the coming bankrupcy". I particularly know this as I am going through selling my house with my ex. But Daisy this email is still way too emotional, and your pain is so apparent in it.
I know you are really hurting, I mean it - I really do know it. When my ex said he was in love with his gf it was one of the hardest days I have ever had to live through.But however hard it is would you be able to distract yourself for the reast of the day and try to focus on something else?
His parents may have loved you, but they are HIS parents and they will come down on his side, moreso if they feel they are being pulled into something that is not truly their concern.
If I could remotely disconnect your computer I would because I can sense you are feeling compelled to reach out and make some contact at the moment, but it will be driven by the wrong reasons Daisy.
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
amira
offlineMemberHang in there Daisy !
A lot of times I found myself in the same situation : am I contacting my ex for the real reason or was the contact merely an excuse for me to actually talk to him?
Hence, I refrain from any contact at all.
Every time I have the urge to contact, I will immediately come to this forum, or call a friend or start doing crazy things till the feeling subsided.
Like every one here, I also do not want to regret doing something I can prevent in the first place.
(with loads of positive thoughts to you)
Posted 5 months ago # -
Heidi
offlineMemberDoes it matter more what YOU think of you, or what THEY think of you?
I know what you mean about being left to deal with everything. My ex wanted the divorce but did nothing so I had to initiate it. My ex wants to get a place so we have to sell the house but he did nothing to get it on the market, so I had to do that. Ad infinitum. I know how if feels when you are left to juggle everything.
But we will end up stronger for it!
You are welcome to run any letters by me (blanking out sensitive bits obviously) and I will turn my aggress-o-metre on!
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago # -
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daisybo said:
what do you think about me emailing his dad instead?Since you're worried about your financial affairs why don't you seek legal advice on what to do next.
Let the lawyer guide you, and this way your emotions never get involved.
As far as you feeling that you have lost...I would say you are giving up way too soon.
Protect yourself financially first, and then keep evolving and let this (new) relationship run it's course.
Another woman doesn't mean the end of things...ask Scarlett...she kept her head and the other woman lost hers.
Posted 5 months ago # -
optimist
offlineMemberYes you should make a plan about finances and be confident about it. Making as little contact with your ex in the meantime.
Dont worry about the girl. She is a rebound and it wont last. No matter how serious it seems. Just give it time.
My ex is in a rebound relationship, too, so I know the feeling. She was chasing him for a long time but they got close when I started NC the 1st time.
Forget about it for the time and focus on yourself. What is another week or month? Nothing if you can make the best of it.
MinaPosted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago optimist said:
My ex is in a rebound relationship, too, so I know the feeling. She was chasing him for a long time but they got close when I started NC the 1st time.Part of her plan is that you will react badly, and then drive him even deeper into her arms...turn the tables on that bitch, and keep your cool...that throws them off every time.
It was proven in Scarlett's story.
Posted 5 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberthanks guys, been riding and calmed myself down in the english countryside. I will not contact him again. Regarding the house, I am a lawyer, and just about managing to keep the rottweiler at bay-this is my job and i know exactly what my rights are-he unfortunately does not and is tantruming like a baby cos he cant get his way. thanks again you have all really helped me today xx
Posted 5 months ago # -
Heidi
offlineMemberDaisy - well done you!
There is nothing quite as ..erm..refreshing as the wet English countryside!
I am NOT a lawyer and I am finding the house stuff a minefield. It must be very nice for you to be in a position of knowledge and power with regards to your ex.
Let him have his tantrum - his problem, not yours!
Very proud of you.
HxWhen did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago -
optimist
offlineMemberadmin said:
Part of her plan is that you will react badly, and then drive him even deeper into her arms...turn the tables on that bitch, and keep your cool...that throws them off every time.It was proven in Scarlett's story.
Thanks for reassurance, it helps getting my mind of the situation.
MinaPosted 5 months ago #
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