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Daisybo NC Diary
(459 posts) (49 voices)-
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Posted 5 months ago Pegasus
offlineMemberTo be honest....I am not sure either Daisybo.
I probably would be inclined to do nothing at the moment. Sit back and let him show himself for the man he is.DO you need to NC again in this case??
SW is in a better position to answer as a male as well as the Guru.
Posted 5 months ago #-
Heidi
offlineMemberMorning Daisy. Well done for getting though yesterday ~ just goes to show just how strong you are really. Big (virtual) gold star comig your way!
I don't think you need to re-send the NC letter. You just need to get on with being your fabulous self for a week or two. Then if you genuinely feel ready you can try to re-connect again.
Is there anyway around the not having his phone number issue (as mentioned earlier - without being a stalker)?
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberThanks H. I think you are right, i just feel he has control again and I don't like it! Nope I cannot get his number without being a stalker, think he would get mad if he had not given it to me also. Actually feeling positive again today because I had a good think last night and at the moment, until he evolves himself, he just does not deserve me. I would never go back to my old relationship now and even though I really want him to be part of my life, I don't want the selfish little swine he is being at the moment! That is NOT the person i fell in love with and spent 5 great years with, and frankly I am not willing to settle for it.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberI like your thinking Daisy!! No-one should settle for second best. He has to step up to the mark to win your heart... simple as that.
He doesn't have control - YOU have control. Did you send the email yesterday because you heard something unsettling? No. Why? Because you are in control of you! Don't under-estimate how well you did.
Shame about the phone number.
So have you got anything exciting planned for you over the next couple of weeks?
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberThanks! well i have a job interview on friday,and my social calendar is packed thank goodness! Plus my animals to tend to and some overtime, and a big haloween party....so there is plenty. I have really used my time since the split to have an active and exciting life, something I had lost as I spent all my spare time with the ex at the end. Partly cos I could see him slipping away and partly cos he was a financial drain....and because I loved him. Now i see it was unhealthy and would NEVER make that mistake again!
Posted 5 months ago # -
Heidi
offlineMemberDaisy - you and I are living parallel lives.
Since ex has gone I go out more - when it suits me. Ex never would get a 'proper' job and would only work when he felt like it so I was the one always worried about making enough money to pay bills. I never went out because I thought it was frivolous. Now I have to budget REALLY carefully but I do go out and do more things. He still has to pay under a third of the running costs of the house until it is sold. But for too long I really pandered to him. We even went to Relate and the counsellor said I 'indulged' him too much. Lol. Thought when I was doing it I was being nice, but was ultimately making a rod for my own back, and it dis-empowered my ex (his fault, not mine).
Soo now I like going out - and I too have a Hallowe'en Ball to go to. Just need to sort out the costume!
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberI was soooooo guilty of over-indulging him. It still makes me feel a little angry that i did so much for him and he is turning everything round so that the break-up and the aftermath are my fault. I spoiled him and think became too motherly. It is biting me in the ass now as he tantrums away. He is not used to me standing up to him and is not dealing with it well. Yes i certainly disempowered my ex as well. All good in hindsight, just wish I had realised earlier and then would probably not be in this situation at all......
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberErmmm... you didn't dis-empower him without some help from him! He was equally as complicit in the process.
I sometimes wonder all the 'real' men have gone.I slipped into the 'mother' role too. I did stupid things like whenever I went shopping I would get him a little 'treat'. I look back and think 'For F*cks sake, he was a grown man'. It's a really hard pattern to break because we behave the way we do because we care. I guess the evolution process gives us chance to address that.
Don't beat yourself up about what he is doing to make himself feel better (ie trying to blame break-up etc on you). You know the truth. It's more important you continue to re-discover the strength you clearly have, and to enjoy yourself!
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
Pegasus
offlineMemberREAL men?? Is someone offering REAL men???? Can I go on the waiting list?? LOL!
Them real men are probably on this forum....nursing their broken hearts. They are a fine lot on here!
Daisy....I can just feel it in your posts....with each knock down, you get back up. Stronger. Credit to you girl!
And that letter yesterday was just a reflection of all that anger and what you don't get to say to him....sometimes I have these little conversations (monologues, sometimes soliloquay's (sp?) depending on how dramatic I am) and boy does it feel good just to have the words come out, even if they are just bouncing off the bathroom walls in the shower!!
The psychic in me is saying....there will come a time when he calls you....and you will say ...."what the F*@K do you want"?? Well maybe not....but ain't the thought just grand?? Never say never!
Posted 5 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberThanks Peg, I think I am getting stronger and I didn't think I had it in me! You sound very strong now as well.
haha I think that is what I am most scared of.....moving on too much. Does that make sense? I know that if more time passes and he does not step up that is exactly what i will do......
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Heidi
offlineMemberPhewww - glad I am not alone with the treat thing! Will think twice or three times before going down that road again!
I find I feel better if I actually say things out loud - it is like they are no longer bouncing round in my head!As for real men... well why can't we pick them up in the supermarket??
When did life get so complicated??Posted 5 months ago #-
Pegasus
offlineMemberYeah it makes sense....cause then we have no choice but to open ourselves up to love again. Life begs to be lived.
I have seen enough in my time to know that life can throw some shit at you.....and I am glad I have been able to flick it off so it doesn't stick too long...
although I must admit some of it took some mad jumping around like a raving lunatic to make it unstick.
You know I still miss him....just today I was thinking how nice it would be to have someone just cuddle me. But that's okay, we are human afterall. We are meant to be paired and we are meant to have emotional and physical bonds.
I just need to chose a REAL man next time. Haven't looked in the frozen section of the supermarket....maybe they are there?? LOL! Present company excluded of course. x
Posted 5 months ago # -
Todd
offlineMemberdaisybo said:
thanks peggy. I don't really know what to do now, sent the reconnection email last week, heard nothing....do I slam NC again or give it more time???I think the book says to give it a week or two and try the reconnect message again. (I don't have it on this computer so I can't check)
I'd wait at least the two weeks... Don't let him think you're about to start chasing him now. Make sure he knows that you're still the one in power.Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago optimist
offlineMemberI like the supermarket idea:)
Maybe they could offer discount for buying 2? Ah, who am I kidding...at this moment one would be to much to handle...Heidi, maybe you should send another NC...for your sake...so you can stop stressing about all this stuff bc it is obvius it is still affecting you. Isnt that the plan...letting go of the old relationship?
MinaPosted 5 months ago #-
Pegasus said:
DO you need to NC again in this case??SW is in a better position to answer as a male as well as the Guru.
I wouldn't worry about sending another NC message right now.
I have a feeling that since he knows you're reaching out to him, he wants to take advantage of that, and get his way with your financial affairs.
I would sit tight and wrap up your financial affairs, and then continue with the plan from there.
Maybe once the deal is done, and the dust has settled he will pull his head out of his ass, and start thinking about the future.
Sure he will be pissed he didn't get his way, but later on he will respect you for not being his door mat.
Right now it just seems he is hung up on your financial affairs more than anything else.
Most things get worst before they get better, right?
daisybo said:
haha I think that is what I am most scared of.....moving on too much. Does that make sense? I know that if more time passes and he does not step up that is exactly what i will do......Don't be afraid of the future...bigger and better things wait those who are brave enough to forge ahead...I know this for a fact from personal experience.
I also know how things get worst before they get better...believe me.
Posted 5 months ago # -
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offlineMemberHeidi said:
Ermmm...optimist I don't need to send another NC as I am not stressing. Not sure what gave you that idea.OOps, sorry, my mistake and it is great that you are not:)
I am still at the beginning so I know I am stressing...not strong as you yet...step by step, right?MinaPosted 5 months ago #-
Pegasus
offlineMemberHi Daisy. Hope you continue to bloom!
Really, you are doing amazingly. You have been thru the mill. If I could make balloon animals I would give you one! Help put a smile on your dial !
Have you dared to go on any one on one dates yet? You thinking about it?
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago daisybo
offlineMemberhaha can i have a tiger please, or a lioness?? that is honestly how i am feeling!
Dates? mmmm....well problem is I don't really find anyone attractive yet. But I have been flirting away on nights out and that is building my confidence. Had a couple of romantic encounters (both with people I know) but feels strange kissing someone else! It is strange, since we split up a few people have come out of the woodwork and complimented me greatly, as well as encouraging me that I deserve more.
Posted 5 months ago #-
Pegasus
offlineMemberWow Daisy....it is nice to know people have been admiring you from afar....makes you think that maybe you do have alot of great things to give...that you don't notice in yourself, coz you are just you.
You can't force the attractiveness thing....but it will happen....someone will make you blush soon....
Posted 5 months ago # -
Scorchio2211
offlineMemberAfter this morning, i'm admiring Daisy from afar too, lol. She's a tough little cookie and i really think she'll get her fella back. I'm rooting for you all the way, Daisy. Get in there, girl!!!!!
Give a man a match, and he'll be a little warm for a minute. But set him on fire, and he'll be red hot for the rest of his life.Posted 5 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberThanks guys, honestly I'm not that tough! My friends were mortified at how distraught I was after the break-up. One of them instantly booked me a holiday and took me away for sun, drinking and dancing for a week! If I can manage to do this, everyone on here can. I thought I was actually going to die from the pain and panic attacks I was suffering. Now I can't believe I felt that bad. Whatever the outcome, ex back or not, following this plan helps you rebuild your confidence and your life, but you have to make yourself embrace it and change. I still want my ex to come home, I don't know if he will, but at least I have a plan and can make myself a better catch on the way.....
Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago Scorchio2211
offlineMemberdaisybo said:
I don't know if he will, but at least I have a plan and can make myself a better catch on the way.....That does it! Where do you live? I'm coming round!!!!!!!
Give a man a match, and he'll be a little warm for a minute. But set him on fire, and he'll be red hot for the rest of his life.Posted 5 months ago #-
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago daisybo
offlineMemberIt is good to see them both chipper!! So I have been thinking....until I initiated NC with my ex we were managing to get on fine. I was being mature about everything, he even took me out for a drink and we had fun. It was only when he said he wanted to talk to me about everything and didn't have the balls to follow through and talk about what had happened that I slammed NC on him. I would have probably been stuck in the friends zone otherwise.
It clearly had an effect...since then he has fought me all the way, been really angry with me and thrown himself into a new relationship with his ex from 6 years ago who has been trying to split us up for 5 years.
I have tried to reconnect but he has not replied. Anybody got any takes on this? I think he is angry cos i stood my ground, but I need to find a way to be in touch with him again if this is to recover. I know it really is just a waiting game now. Just wish I knew what he was thinking, and if he really has moved on and no longer thinks/loves/wants anything to do with me.
Posted 5 months ago #-
Scorchio2211
offlineMemberI'm just trying to smile through the pain and hopefully, make some one else feel better.
With regards your ex Daisy, the thing that really hits me is that you've already won his affections over this other girl once before so there must be something you did or didn't do that turned him off. Can you think what that was?
The other thing that springs to mind is a line in MOMU. He's on the rebound and rebound relationships never last. I hope this at least makes you feel a little better.
Give a man a match, and he'll be a little warm for a minute. But set him on fire, and he'll be red hot for the rest of his life.Posted 5 months ago # -
Scorchio2211
offlineMemberdaisybo said:
cheers scorchio, it does.....and i know what turned him off! it's just whether i get the chance to show him!Please tell me it wasn't a problem with flatulance
Give a man a match, and he'll be a little warm for a minute. But set him on fire, and he'll be red hot for the rest of his life.Posted 5 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 5 months ago -
daisybo
offlineMemberwell I have had a great weekend-hence not being on here! I don't particulalrly like being single, hace lost my security blanket, but I am embracing it! I am lucky to have amazing friends, and can honestly say I am really enjoying my life! I am thinking about the ex less and less, and can honestly say I have accepted the break up. It has taken 3 months but I feel like I have found myslef again!
Posted 5 months ago # -
jen09
offlineMemberdaisybo said:
He has made it quite clear we are never getting back together, although we split very quickly after 5 years. Hard not speaking to someone after used to speaking to them 5 times a day and living with them. Suppose i can only hope that with NC he will start to feel that too.hey my ex said same thing to me when we first split and was quite nasty esp how day before breakup everything seemed fine and after a baby and longish relationship thinbgs could end and turn nasty so quickly, i guess everyone has there ways of dealing with breakups
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