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Daisybo NC Diary
(459 posts) (49 voices)-
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Posted 3 months ago Mags
offlineMemberAgree with azhuria.........HE WAS uncomfortable............look he slammed the door on the way out.............his emotions are definitely still involved.........he couldn't even look at you.........only way he thought to keep his emotions intact..but he lost it......my dear you came out smelling like a rose. So glad you didn't fight back....he can own his own anger and you didn't take it on.
So much easier to see when we aren't involved.......I'll keep saying that.....Posted 3 months ago #-
daisybo said:
Well,looks like this chapter is over. He made no comment about me the dog or anything happening. The house looks amazing, dog and me are in best condition we have ever been, i just hope he cries on his way home to his new gfd and new dog. byeeeeeee! feel like sending him an email, as i dont have his number, but i will refrain.Excellent Job Daisy! (Thumbs High)
You're right you have reached another stage in your personal evolution...just keep on evolving.
Take the high road, and do not rub it in. (lol)
Posted 3 months ago # -
anna_a
offlineMember, i just hope he cries on his way home to his new gfd and new dog. byeeeeeee! feel like sending him an email, as i dont have his number, but i will refrain.
He was definitely moved by the situation and I guarantee he would be thinking about you and what he is missing out on constantly now. I am so happy you kept your cool daisy, so proud of you.
Now the true NC time can begin. You may not need as much time, but HE MAY NEED IT!!
x A
Posted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago daisybo
offlineMemberthanks for all the support guys, you are amazing. I hope you are right anna, all i still see in him is anger, nearly 5 months on. It feels like he hates me and it is not justified. suppose it did not help me and my mate were sipping champagne when he arrived! really want to email him saying i wanted to remember him fondly and gutted it happened this way, and hope he is happy now....but that is the champers talking!
Posted 3 months ago #-
anna_a
offlineMemberWhen the time comes daisy, perhaps you should initiate the contact nice and CALMLY.
If he is an "angry" person, he may still be angry. But, if he isn't USUALLY angry, he will be fine and he will respond well.
Its about his evolution too in a way.
Just keep working on YOU.
x Anna
Posted 3 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberthanks. he was never really angry before the breakup. i dont recognise him anymore. even my friend who was present tonight said he seemed like a shell. usually soooo warm, tonight v distant until she went and then the anger came out. personally i think he is acting like an emotional retard.
Posted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago anna_a
offlineMemberhe will get over it then, if he is not USUALLY angry. He just doesn't know how to handle the situation, that's why it took him so long to actually meet with you and sign everything.
It's not about you (his anger), it's about him. But of course you know this.
He obviously has strong feelings about the situation and that's how he is handling it.
Posted 3 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberHaving thought about last night I am pretty proud of myself, i held it together. And he lost it, quite empowering! And i think he def realises what he has lost, and that he has lost it. I have gone through so much pain and anguish that I am stronger now, but it think the reality may only just be hitting him. Have spoken to my friends about it, who know him very well, and they all think that he is having diffciulty coping with the reality and the finality, and that he is angry with himself, not me. The thing is they all agree that he is so proud that it may prevent him from doing anything. I drafted the following email and would appreciate any feedback-i am concerned i am letting him get away too lightly though with the consequences of his actions if i send it, basically that he should go through the pain and anguish to help him evolve too. But i think he will need some encouragement to approach me. Views welcome.....
I was not expecting an argument, i thought you would be happy now you are free of me and the house and everything. You know you will get your money, we signed a contract i thought you had read. Am off on friday to take daisy to the vet so i will put a cheque through your parents' door.
I am sad it came to this. I wanted our last meeting to go smoothly, i don't want bad memories of you even though the end of our relationship was like a bloody car crash! i really do not understand why you are still angry with me, i can only assume all this was about money which you will have tomorrow although legally i have 28 days.
I must admit I do miss you, but I genuinely hope you are happy now, and wish you all the best. I know you have a new life now, good luck. Things would really have to change for us to have any sort of relationship in the future.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Mags
offlineMemberSit on that for a week before you do anything.........plus it gives others time to respond.......plus your emotions will be up and down..............
From an outsider point of view, I would do nothing..........it is NOW when he will really think about what he lost.....
I'm afraid what you just wrote while you mean well will just soften the blow for him which is NOT what you want.........EIther way.....do nothing right now......until you are thinking clearly and your emotions are removed some more.............
Posted 3 months ago # -
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optimist
offlineMemberI think your letter is much too emotional. Its like you are apologizing to him. And you havent done anything wrong. You were polite and kind. He was the one acting like a spoiled child.
I think it pissed him off that you are doing better then him.
He will realise what a jerk he has been especially when you continued beeing nice even when he was acting like this. He will probably come to you with an apology if you give him some time;) Then you can be graceful and understanding about it.You really handled this great and he knows you took the higher road. He will respect you for it. He pushed your buttons and didnt succede
MinaPosted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago daisybo
offlineMemberThanks guys, i hAve not sent anything. My patience is growing and i agree i should wait and see what unfolds next. He doesnt deserve to get off lightly, he needs to go through this pain. I just am really worried he will be too proud no matter what he feels.
Posted 3 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberJust had an email, not a word in it about the other night. Just his bank details and requesting I send the money asap. I have already dropped a cheque off at his parents. Clearly does not see his behaviour was irrational and unacceptable. Not even named me or signed off by him, very businesslike.
Posted 3 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberGod i feel amaaaazing! No closer to getting my ex back at the moment it would seem, but my life is good. I am not pining for him anymore, and i am so proud of myself for pulling it together, living life and enjoying it. After seeing him on wed, i also feel in control and like the power shift has really happened. If he did not regret things and wasn't hurting he would not have behaved how he did. and that feels goood. I was a mess when we split, he seemd to just move on. But now i am strong and he has to think about what he has thrown away and decide whether he has the balls to change things, i KNOW he did not want to sign those papers, i know this man and he was a wreck but channeled it into anger so he could try to say to himself all this mess is my fault.
Posted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago daisybo
offlineMemberI have drafted something else. I feel that i need to give him some sort of encouragement as i know he thinks all is lost and i have gone for good. I also know that if he feels that he will not chase me at all, he is proud and would not risk rejection. let me know what you guys think, i am not sending anything in a rush.
No reply in respect of the key-have you put it in the post? I will bag up the rest of your stuff and give it to an independant party for you to pick up. unless you really want the desk i will just get rid of it.
I did not expect an argument on wed, i thought you would be happy to be rid of me, the house and everything in it. I really do not understand why you are so angry with me. You have your money and your freedom, just as you wanted. I hear you have a new life now, me and the dog replaced, so I don't get why you are angry at me. I think i know you well enough, and i dont believe you wanted to sign those papers, or that you wanted everything to end like this. Neither did I. I know that you hide your emotions with anger. Maybe i am wrong, but if you want to change things you have to find the courage to try.
Life is too short for grudges and anger. I genuinely hope you are happy now and wish you all the best. If you aren't then only you can change things. The end of our relationship was like a car crash and we both did some bloody stupid things. I am sorry for my part in it all, but I am glad it happened in a way because i feel like i have found the old me again, and i have taken life by the balls. I realise i made a lot of mistakes in our relationship, so this has been a learning curve for me and i will be sure not to repeat them in the future, so thankyou. It took me a while but I am really excited about my future now.
Anyway, if i don't hear from you, have a good christmas.
Posted 3 months ago #-
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago Amy
offlineMemberHi Daisy, my take is to not say life by the balls, thank you or sorry. Please listen to me and delete any mention of these things. You might want to start with saying that he did pursue what it was that he wanted and that you are puzzled why he's unhappy now. You did mention it in your letter but I'd start with that. This man is very angry; if the stuff meant that much to him he'd haggle over it and be unemotional. If his new gf is greedy and wants the things he would have tried to bargain I think. It seems like you are right that he's mad at himself for being a screwup with you.
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."Posted 3 months ago #-
Bear65
offlineMemberdaisybo said:
yeah will do, cheers bear. I know he is in a bad place now and i cant push him, but at same time if i dont give him a door with a chance, he wont chance it. i know him, he wont be brave enough.yeah i understand, i think im in a similar position with mine, but i guess its just a question of time and patience.
Posted 3 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberit is i agree but i know that if i dont give him the opportunity he won't find a way to do it. At least if i email him something he gives him an opening, then it is up to him what he does with it. i just dont want to sound desperate, because i am not. Cheers Amy, will have a look at it now and do some redrafting. thanks for input guys. not sending it just yet anyway, i need time to think about it.
Posted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago Amy
offlineMemberYou won't regret it Daisy. This kind of man is in denial and stubborn now, no matter how he was in the past. Deleting sorry, thank you and life by the balls is unemotional and if you're like that you're still kicking him in the ass. That is what he needs to take a look at himself honestly when he's alone with his thoughts. And that's what you want. Consider starting with paragraph 2 and place paragraph 1 in the middle and shorten paragraph 3 by five sentences and make it to the point because it sounds too wordy and that interprets to soft. Cheers!
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."Posted 3 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberhaha Amy you make me laugh, you are so fiesty! I love it! yeah i agree i dont want it to be emotional, want it to be matter a fact. Do you think he will feel safe and think i am waiting for him tho, or is it clear i expect him to step up to the mark if he wants to salvage this.
Posted 3 months ago # -
Amy
offlineMemberIt's clear that you are expecting him to make some changes before you'd even consider accepting him back. I know you don't want to sound bitchy or anything but you can't be a doormat in your message. Be honest and resolute. Pragmatic and clear. I bet he doesn't get that from his current girlfriend anyway
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."Posted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago Amy
offlineMemberCondense the version as much as you can to say what you need to say. Too wordy indicates to him he still has you on the hook and that would make him feel more in control. Just say things to the point. I don't think one soft sentence (regarding the past like you realize now how things got out of control so that things turned out as they did) would hurt you. Reflecting your new outlook and wishing him the best is good too. Be careful how many words you use in that third paragraph. I think if you handle your message this way it won't be perceived as chasing.
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."Posted 3 months ago #-
daisybo
offlineMemberI have redrafted again.....! i dont know whether it is a mistake to send it though. Does he need more time for it to sink in, that the old relationship is really over, he only signed papers on wednesday. But then it is now nearly 5 months since we split now, and over 3 months NC apart from over money.The fact that he is still angry 5 months on seems to show he still has strong feelings. I suppose i want to give him a chance to do something about them.
I did not expect an argument on Wednesday at all. Thought you would be happy now you have your money and your freedom, just as you wanted. I hear you have a new life now, me and dog replaced, so I don't get why you are angry at me. I genuinely hope you are happy now.
Maybe i am wrong, but i dont think you wanted to sign those papers or for things to end this way. neither did i and i did find it hard on wednesday. The end of our relationship was like a bloody car crash and we both did some stupid things, but for me life is too short for grudges, and the breakup has helped me find the old me again.
No reply in respect of the key-have you put it in the post? I will bag up your stuff and give it to an independant party for you to pick up. unless you really want the desk i will just get rid of it.
If i don't hear from you then have a good christmas.
Posted 3 months ago # -
daisybo
offlineMemberNot going to send it. Thanks for all the help guys. It will only add more pressure to him whilst he is obviously stressed, that could easily go againt me. Need to follow MMU more strictly i think and be really upbeat when i do contact him. Going to think about it tonight. Be more sneaky and probably fruitful not to mention any bad stuff, he doesnt want to face it so i'm not going to make him.
Posted 3 months ago # -
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daisybo said:
It will only add more pressure to him whilst he is obviously stressedGood Move Daisy! (Thumbs High)
Your evolution has forced him to evolve as well.
You need to give him time, and stop trying to predict the future.
Whatever type of man he was before this all started doesn't matter, because the whole point of a personal evolution is to CHANGE.
You mentioned a few posts back about him being too proud to make the first move...that's crazy.
If he truly loves you he will over come that pride, and do what is necessary to get you back again.
He is a grown man and capable of deciding what he wants to do...you can't be his mother, and his girlfriend.
I think he will do the right thing if you let him...step back and let him evolve into the kind of man who will fight for his love.
Everything and everyone MUST evolve in order to survive in this world.
Like Tom Petty said "The waiting is the hardest part."
Stay Strong!
Posted 3 months ago # -
Amy
offlineMemberI'm glad Scott and Curls are here to keep our heads screwed on straight. Sometimes you need a man's perspective because they can give us a man's take on things. What I mean is that they know how a man would receive stuff from us. Daisy you and I only know what we want to dish out as women. Guys - Thanks for the sanity check
"I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I expect the same from them."Posted 3 months ago # -
LoveConquersAll
offlineMemberHi daisybo. Okay...looks like someone beat me to stop you from contacting your ex. I was going to say do not contact him. You can't feel sorry for him and what he is going through...I agree with S.W. He has to evolve and let him fight for his love. I honestly believe that if a man truy loves you he will fight for you (the same way you fight/fought for him). Let it be. On with your evolution and getting stronger so you can reconnect when you are ready...on your terms.
Posted 3 months ago #
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