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KC's NC
(448 posts) (57 voices)-
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Posted 3 months ago KC
offlineMemberBeen a week now. Holding out quite ok. First few days were very difficult with me looking at the phone each time it rang expecting it could be him. Not in that stage anymore, but at times feel angry at him for not making contact, I know its early and I hope to soon get over even this anger. Making new friends and started flirting a bit. I do still hope to get back but I tell myself that if it has to work out it will. What sometimes gives me strength is that I have done all the texting, emailing everything possible, so now not more that I can do there. So NC is the best course I tell myself when I feel low. I realise I was a much fun person early on in the relationship and somewhere I lost that along the way and became too emotional. I want that fun person back, coz thats the person people fall in love with isnt it?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberthanks angel really look forward to all the encouragement I can get...cried and went through a bad phase for a long time but realised that I was the only one going through all shit while it didnt seem that the other person was going through even half of it, so decided to get myself back together before moving forward...initially in the friend phase he would still come down and behave the same way as before, holding hands hugging all in the name of friendship...to his credit he did ask last time around if I was getting uncomfortable with all of it and we had a long discussion but again I was the emotional one and he told me that he was tiring of the tearful partings...frankly I was tiring of my own emotional reactions...so guess stepping back totally will atleast help me regain some sanity so that next time I am strong enough to say no when I feel like and yes when I feel like...I was trying to be too nice earlier, now I need to look out for myself
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
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offlineMemberYep KC, it's all too recognisable a pattern. When ex and I first got together I was the strong one, his friends even commented on how I had a much tougher outer shell than him but lost my power somewhere during relationship. Think that's what happens they get in under your skin and I can't seem to find the way to get them out without rejecting them! By the end I was crying endlessly and he was as cold as ice, totally emotionless. Definitely not the guy who had bawled crying during Marley and Me a few months ago!!!!! We have everything to gain by making ourselves strong again!
All healing has to start with you
You better stop whining, pining
Get your dreams in line
And then just shine, design, refine
Until they come truePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMembera reason why we broke up was his commitment phobia and he said the last time we had the 'talk' that he wont be able to overcome it and that there are too many other issues...so sometimes I wonder if I am just hanging on to something for the heck of it...keep getting these doubts at times and at others just have a feeling deep inside that it will work out...lots of oscillation from hope to despair to nothingness...
Also Scott and angel thanks...but you know what I am generally fairly witty and detached when I first start anything but somewhere along the way I do get really attached...I am trying to figure out how to stop this...how to not get emotional in relationships and go all out
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberOk I am not doing too well today. Cried and cried and cried. Didn't call though. Making other friends but not feeling myself as if m faking it. Then tell myself it will work out if he has to. Friend said he is also trying to give u space probably after that last talk. What would it be like if both parties are practising NC on each other? Will that mess up everything?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
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offlineUnregisteredI know how you are feeling KC! I am not doing so well either. I was just thinking that I am faking everything right now too. I think we just got hope that they will miss us enough to contact us but sometimes I wonder after all that time when he does...what do I say? I sometimes think he is doing the same thing and waiting for me to make the first move because he is so used to that even though he rejects me each time I do it.
Posted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberYa Ajaf guess u r right. Similar case with me I mostly make the first move so I should stick to my NC. Only I don't like feeling so low atleast once each day that I cry and call up friends. I wish there was a way out of the pain but maybe I need to feel it to appreciate whatever the future has in store.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
Anonymous
offlineUnregisteredThere are so many mixed reviews on no contact. Some say that it may work in the short term but it also may work against you because nobody is making the move to speak and times goes by and by...however, I think from reading these postings its about evolving more than making no contact, right. It is about trying to work on yourself until you to a point of confidence and strength. It is not all about not speaking to him? Correct?
Posted 3 months ago # -
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offlineMemberYes it is mainly about evolving yourself. think about it, would you rather be with someone, or talk to someone who is miserable and feeling sorry for themselves, or someone who is strong, confident and upbeat???
and the only way to get to that point is through NC, not contacting our exes. so if you want your ex back, you need to evolve.Posted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberMan was today difficult or what. I have almost cried the whole day. Yes NC is more about evolving yourself but sometimes you cant help thinking what they are thinking. I wonder why its been so long and he doesnt seem to feel anything. If I message or anything now it will only give him more power over me and I will fell silly about myself. So I will refrain. I know I can survive but I just sometimes wonder if I am just being unrealistic and jeopardising my future with these thoughts. Today I was missing the hugs and kisses and just a man's touch. Maybe m going crazy.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberMaybe m just being over optimistic about reunions. My ex had said categorically last time that only friendship was pssoible. Maybe I should stop obsessing over this and get myself togetther. How do I do that? Work isn't going great guns and m in someway stuck. Dunno what to do to revive things there. Maybe once I have professional success I won't need him though I may want him. Help god please help get my objectivity back. Any advice guys on what I should do?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
lostboy
offlineMemberKC there is a link here, where you can go and download a bunch of self-improvement stuff. Its a a great resource, and its free to boot. http://www.selfgrowthgiveaway.com/giveaway/ I believe that's the site.
Posted 3 months ago # -
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offlineMemberThanks lostboy signed up. Day 9. Now the pain is like some dull ache. Wonder how they can carry on just like that? But I can't control them. I gotta control myself isn't it? M trying but can't keep the negativity at bay at times. Letting go a desire to control the results is quite tough. I don't know how I ll manage that. I have only partially succeeding in letting go of some expectations. But one thought keeps coming bak to me. He had felt that the break up would only do good to me in the long run. So what if he is thinking of just giving me a wide berth so that I just move on and away? Too muddled at times I am.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberAt work and still m feeling lost. Scott help I don't know y is it getting difficult to put me first? I still think at times that how come he doesn't miss me this way or how come he can stick to his 'practical' plans? Wonder how to stop thinking whether he will evr get back. Had planned to have a house party around christmas would be end of NC but now m not sure if I can call him and face that. I have chased a lot and I don't feel comfortable calling him this time. After the first break up he was the one who had been trying to keep in touch but after the talk around 2 weeks ago it seems he is now probably of the opinion that the NC is best. I still get maudlin in the evenings at around the time he used to call to say he would come down. M feeling if I ll ever get over this feeling that I would love for him to call. And if he does will I be stronger than before?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
Alby
offlineMemberHey KC, It does get easier. I'm thinking about my ex constantly still and even though it has only been a week tommorrow of no contact I'm starting to sleep and eat properly again which helps with the "empty knotted broken heart" feeling. As much as you want to contact him (and as much as I want to contact her) things will get a little bit easier the next day so just don't do it. My work was sucking a few days ago but I've turned it around and am starting to become very productive which is making me think of her less and less and making my boss feel better as she has been very supportive throughout this whole fiasco
It's time to do something nice for someone else for a change and it helps you get out of the mire.
AlbyPosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberWell it is easier alby no doubt but m wondering if its just going to make us distant completely...I know now I dont need him anymore but I would still like for it to work out...his not contacting does affect me but only a little bit now its almost like I have given up and I dont generally give up on stuff, call it a personality quirk...I feel myself getting comfortable with the idea that it is probably not gonna work and I can do nothing about it, dont know if thats a good thing, maybe it is getting emotional independence, maybe its the beginning of the end in my mind...I still talk to almost everyone about it and I know that it will require major evolution not just on my part but his too for this to work out well...but yeah what control do we have on others anyway?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago angel of harlem
offlineMemberWe all take the chance that our exes will get over us during NC because we have no other choice. Contacting them was pushing them further away. There are no easy answers KC. You just have to be willing to put yourself first and allow everything else to happen the way it's going to.
All healing has to start with you
You better stop whining, pining
Get your dreams in line
And then just shine, design, refine
Until they come truePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberyeah angel the only thing that makes me stick is that if I give in now I wont put myself first ever in this relationship or even in most others like I have always done...thanks for reminding me that I am the one important here
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberA question on personal evolution. I haven't really been an outgoing person. Never had too many friends. So do I need to now go out of my way and make friends and party? Or can I just take my own time and concentrate on having just a few good friends? I have been slightly conservative always should I just shed that identity or just become a shade better?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberThough I have almost let go and have started focussing only on myself, today when I woke up I was missing him a lot. I wanted him to be there. It was a great day at work yesterday though tiring and I just wanted to share it with him. I shared with others of course, but didnt feel it was the same. Sometimes the thought does come back. Does he even think of me? Pain binds people and it was after the break up that I made so many friends and opened up a lot. But still I dont have many people to hang out with because of my crazy sked at work so sometimes like after work yesterday I get this yearning to just contact and ask him to meet. But I want him to want me too and right now I know he doesnt. So I won't debase myself further by asking. Dont feel the oppressing need anymore, but feel pretty sad even now. I want it all to work out.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
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offlineMemberDeleted the alarm on my phone about his birthday. Though it is just five days before mine and I still might remember it when the date comes, I didnt want any deliberate reminders. Deleted his photos also from my phone. Havent yet got around to deleting old mails and chats. I am ok for a couple of days and then I yet again feel the yearning. Why this oscillation?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberMissed him a lot yesterday and this morning. Even dreamt of being with him. I miss being held. I am focussing on myself but I keep wondering how can people switch off like that? Just two weeks ago we were talking and then its just gone. I miss the company. Though I talk to others it doesn't feel the same. At times I am convinced he isn't worth all the pain and at others I feel it would still be nice if I got him back. I know now that I can live without him but a part of me rebels at why I had to lose something nice? Though I am probably focusing on the times when it was nice and obliterating all the times he hurt me. How do I stop letting him affect me? I am still not able to do that. Any suggestions from some ass kickers?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
ballerina
offlineMemberI think if you apply what your were asking about friends it will help you get some perspective on how well you were really being treated by your ex (because of the contrast of your friends behavior and his).
I do not think you need to make new friends or "party". Focus on your close friends and getting to a new stage with your friendships (apply your evolved self into them!). I don't like partying and it isn't like it's a high level on the friendliness meter. If you don't like partying, you probably have already found some higher interests, IMHO.I find a lot of people going out to clubs to be endlessly searching for SOMETHING and spending way too much on alcohol. So just enjoy YOUR life and the people who enjoy YOU.
I have a journal from when we were about to break up and it helps me rememeber what was going wrong. Do you have anything like that? Alternatively, I have found it helpful to write letters (that I won't send) to him during my vacillating emotional states. Every time I write one it sounds like a completely different story and it is helping me to sort out my real feelings and opinions.
it is never too late to be what you might have been -George EliotPosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberHelp. I have been missing him terribly the last two three days. I miss being held and we had continued holding each other for a bit after the break up before it started to build expectations of getting back in me. When I told him that it builds expectations, he vanished after that and I started NC. Yes, maybe he was respecting my wishes. But I so miss it all right now. I feel I don't need the relationship maybe but I want those hugs. I want normalcy in the way we talk. God I feel empty. One hug. Doesn't he miss it, coz he used to say that he wanted it too. But now that I have refused, he might never come up with that again. God I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call him up and say let's be atleast the friends we were.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
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offlineMemberI feel I need some sort of closure. Some way to forgte the hurt. I can't evolve well if I don't do that. I need a vacation but can't afford it right now, don't know really how to distract myself. All I feel like doing at times is crying. How do I foxus only on myself? How do I let go completely? How do I get that strenght? It will take time says evryone. Its been 2 months of in limbo and 2 weeks of NC. How much more time before I realise I am setting myself up for disappointment? I need to stop focusing on the fact whether this will work out or not. Have started the journal. Don't go to his facebook anymore. Trying to use FFT. I go and see my therapist too as much as possible but it still doesn't seem to help. Bhut why am I complaining? After the break up I made so many new friends. I learnt a lot about love and loving. I just need to accept the end that is what is difficult. Was reading people's posts and realised how my ex broke through my earlier attempts of being strong by chats and work mails. I had no clue then about NC and coz of my usually polite nature replied and kept in touch. It was only coz he showed so much remorse over his behaviour that I decided to ask for a second chance. But that gave him the power to reject me and now m licking my wounds. I wish I knew these things before. I wouldn't have let him break my heart so. I need to mend this brokenness. I have so many friends who understand. I should focus on them. And I should try to stop thinking or talking about him. Only right now it seems extremely tough.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberHad to contact for some professional thing. Kept it brief and impersonal. Felt proud that I could fake it even if I wasnt that stable. Nothing more now. I will keep strong. I know I shouldnt mess up at all now. Now its even more important that I keep to myself. I am planning a party this weekend with some friends. I might invite some common friends but I am not planning to invite him. I am not that strong now to face him in front of people that too. One day at a time. Coz each day has to be about me. I need to keep my power.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberM laughing today. Spoke to a common friend about other stuff and laughed about all the madness in the world. And I know I am the stronger one in this relationship and yet here I was worrying about my loss. If a guy refuses to grow up and take responsibility, its his loss. I am the one who will put it all away and move on to something better, whereas he will someday regret all of this. This let me explore the world idea that guys have after hooking up is beyond me. But anyways that's their screw up. Doesn't mean I am any less, only means he is slow on the uptake and deserves losing out. He gotta know m gone that's when he will realise what he lost. So my dear ex here I am ready to go for my own thing. Enough of waiting for you to grow up.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 3 months ago KC
offlineMemberthanks daisybo that was encouraging. only a bit confused about whether I should call him or not for the party with common friends. I am not really sure if I should ever reach out to him again, but wonder if it would be rude to call most known people and not call him. Its the first ever party m hosting at my place and I want things to go well.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberToday I feel powerful. I feel that why am I wasting my life for someone who doesnt want to grow up? Whats the point in my crying for someone who doesnt know what he has lost? I am seriously wondering today if I even want him back. Whats the point of having him back like this? Absolutely none. It will be the same pattern again. Me being the caretaker and him not acknowledging that. Why do some people fucking not take responsibility of their own life and why the fuck should I take up responsibility for someone else? They need to get their shit together, I can point the way maybe, but its for them to clear it themselves. Aah I have wasted so many days on someone who is not worth all the pain. I might get someone better for sure or maybe if he finally wakes up to reality, it might be him. But in the current form, I am better off like this, without the weight of someone else's happiness. And how I blamed myself for not being strong, for not taking the break up well, for wanting him to take some responsibility to take care of me and asking him for a second chance. He is the one who needs a second chance, not me. Care has to be mutual. And the 20/20 hindsight tells me I gave more than I got, so its time for me to get what I deserve. Its easy to be romantic and lovey dovey when someone is in front of you, its what you do behind their back that counts. As of this moment I dont care if he returns. Only thing is I need to hold on to this confidence and not let my loneliness get the better of me and muddle my judgement again. I need to stay strong. If it has to work out, the stupid guy will realise his mistake, or else let him lick his wounds whenever he realises, I cant forever wait for him.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
dh
offlineMemberKC said:
I feel that why am I wasting my life for someone who doesnt want to grow up? Whats the point in my crying for someone who doesnt know what he has lost? I am seriously wondering today if I even want him back. Whats the point of having him back like this? Absolutely none. ..If it has to work out, the stupid guy will realise his mistake, or else let him lick his wounds whenever he realises, I cant forever wait for him.WELL SAID! ^^
Posted 3 months ago # -
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KC
offlineMemberThanks ppl. I need to keep this feeling up. There is a vague disappointment now that its getting finally finally over in my head too. I just wish I am able to show such progress that it everyone is amazed at the new me. I just hope I can sustain this feeling for long and take it forward for my sake. I have to keep strong. I took too much responsibility for someone. Now I need to just step back. I made excuses for bad behaviour now I need to stop letting my sympathies affect my judgement again. Maybe there is something so spectacularly great waiting for me. I am all eager for it and something tells me he will be the one regretting. Its not a feeling of malice, its just a belief coz I know igave much more than anyone would ever give.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago # -
armylady
offlineMemberKC said:
I took too much responsibility for someone. Now I need to just step back. I made excuses for bad behaviour now I need to stop letting my sympathies affect my judgement again.I've done this so many times, you have just made me realize the next thing for me to work on... not making excuses for him and his rotten behavior...hmm, i did that earlier today.
KC said:
Maybe there is something so spectacularly great waiting for me. I am all eager for it and something tells me he will be the one regretting. Its not a feeling of malice, its just a beliefThis is all very true. Good for you!
Any person who does not know what they have, does not deserve what they have.Posted 3 months ago # -
angel of harlem
offlineMemberWell done KC. It's true you can't make other people evolve, and you can't wait for them either. There's a saying where I come from "Pity is akin (like) love". Well that ain't good enough for us anymore
All healing has to start with you
You better stop whining, pining
Get your dreams in line
And then just shine, design, refine
Until they come truePosted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberWow angel never heard that saying but makes a whole lot of sense. Armylady love ur signature line. I guess m learning slowly to put myself first and ask for my rights in a relationship.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn MonroePosted 3 months ago #
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