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KC's NC
(487 posts) (57 voices)-
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Posted 3 months ago KC
offlineMemberNot then coz the moment I see its a work msg I just don't feel a thing. But it is sort of messing me up. Again today the only thoughts I have had are of him and our relationship. I haven't become immune to him as such and if it won't work out then I better become immune. I am travelling alone today and all I can think is him. I just wonder why he desnt come up front and say it if he misses me. Once just once I said I don't want to talk right now and he got so hurt and scared that he can't think of anything but work messages to tell me he is around. He could have imed me, messaged me something else or called me in the day (since I told him last I wanted to sleep at night). He won't even take the risk to hear what I have to say, is he that scared that I would bite his head off (m capable of all that that's a different thing). But m getting a bit scared now, what if all this just leads to more misunderstandings? But again, even without all that he used to call only when he felt like. It was skewed isn't it? So its ok if its no more rather than having it unbalanced isn't it? But its confusing. Its only my self respect or pride u will that is stopping me from a reconnection right now. But is it even worth it if he is going to keep beating about the bush about what exactly is our relationship?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 3 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberI would rather that he never messaged than sending something meaningless and messing me up. I haven't evolved well yet damn. And he is bothered the least. I don't have to be stuck, I need to let go. I haven't managed it completely. Was doing so much better but today cried a bit after days. That msg rattled me damn my head or should I say the meaninglessness of it all hurt me even more. Why am I holding on to that hope still somewhere? Guys what do think? NC working yes, but what next? Lots of what ifs coming to my mind today. And also my parents and their hopes for me meddling with stuff. I just want to start my whole life afresh without any of these memories. Wish I had some selective amnesia that would wipe out all the bad stuff. I haven't evolved well yet coz his responses affect me still. Wonder when it will stop to hurt. God please show me some way ahead.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 3 months ago # -
daisy
offlineMemberKC I can understand that... I guess no message and with message both causes some mixed feeling..
I am trying to not be bothered as well. When he sms me I am affected. Then when he doesnt.. I am sad y didnt he. I myself dunno what I want.
I hope we both will be able to crawl out of this.
Posted 3 months ago # -
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offlineMemberKC,
one thing i've learnt is that you can't rush things. so if the text upsets you a bit, its ok. your doing well. don't beat yourself up about it. there's no magic pill that we can all take to totally forget our ex's and memories.
if there was i would be the first in the doctors line to get it!!!!
take your time are carry on be strong.
jess
'Do not go where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail'
-Ralph Waldon Emerson
'If opportunity doesn't knock. Build a Door'
Posted 3 months ago #-
KC said:
That msg rattled me damn my head or should I say the meaninglessness of it all hurt me even more.Can't you block that asshole?
If not why don't you get a new phone, and then he can't message you anymore, until you're reconnected and you give him your new number.
It would be worth it to take away his power, and to enable you to personally evolve.
You're praying to God for help when you can help yourself.
There is an answer to your problems it's called making it impossible to contact you.
Stay Strong!
Posted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberI had a good trip the last two days. Went trekking yesterday but was marred a bit by his thoughts coz he had msgd the day before. But today I went out with a common friend. We went to this resort. It was like a date though we are both not looking for anything here. But it was fun. We did talk a bit about ex but I didn't sound too emotional I think. Funny thing is we laughed at what he would do if he got to know we were out alone at a resort the whole day. The news will spread of course somehow or the oter. But well what can he say. He did ask me to move on so I am trying that. Somehow at the end of it all right now I am missing my ex thinking it would have been so much more fun with him. But he isn't an outdoor person so that is one more thing against why he might not be right for me. Either we will have to strike a balance there or one of us got to change which isn't going to be me now. There is this sadness that refuses to go actually. And I had managed to shut him off quite a bit but well if he sends those meaningless messages it affects me. Parents are another story. They insist on an arranged marriage for me. I can't live that way, compromising my life like that. I just hope there are some answers soon. Its only been around a month of NC. I was tempted yesterday to contact but well didn't. I am struggling a bit with it coz suddenly some of my sympathies are back.
Another interesting thing happened today while I was talking to this guy I was with we were talking about our varipus friends from the past and suddenly he says gosh u have too many guys in ur life and I realised its true in the sense that most of my good friends are guys
so yeah I don't necessarily need my ex as a friend or anything. He is either my love or he need not be there. I can do very well without him. And I think I need more time to contact or anything for the simple reason that I haven't got past the old one completely. I might just hold some bitterness. Not good. So I need more nc. Let's hope I am able to do this. Even if we get bacck there is a huge hurdle of parental approval but that is only if we get back. Right now its all about enjoying conversations and having fun. And hope I have a full december.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 3 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberRevelations I had while I have been out with other guys. My ex was slightly insensitive to my needs and though he wold pamper me in private he didn't have natural chivalry. My ex may not actually be the one coz I had made many concessions in our past relationship which I am not ready to make now. I love travelling. I am not a travel freak but love exploring some places, while he just doesn't get out, so wouldn't that make life boring. I am not really sure if I would take him back if he comes. This time he better be the one looking out for me or else as I have discovered, there are people who could do it. Amazing how time apart can make you think stuff. Wonder if he has such a negative list too. But well even if he has m sure no girl will fit into the idea he has of a gf coz he wants way too much 'space' almost to the point of childishness. And hey maybe I could actually be sexually attracted to others if I ll lwt myself. So yeah he may not be the one and to be the one he will also have to meet me halfway which right now is not possible coz he hasn't still evolved. If he had he would have made a more brave contact. But did I tell ya guys that of late m getting good male attention
feels nice 
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
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offlineMemberHi KC
You are evolving really well! I think really that should be the end point of NC... Feeling good about ourself. Knowing that he is not the only one but if both still feels good with each other, the relationship can reignite. Or else.. both can move on without much baggage.
Cheers
Posted 2 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberHmm I get confused again at times. Start thinking of him. And at the same time I really enjoyed my date yesterday. I could very well try for a fling and I know thats what both of us would think of right now, coz hey we are just not the kind for each other lol. I have these weird mood swings. M upbeat and then suddenly without warning I start thinking of him and that feeling lasts for a bit. I somehow feel that he is missing me too but its best this way. Giving it up now would be throwing away something better to come. So I am sticking to NC like never before. It does get a bit easy this late into NC. Hope I will evolve really well and not have these thoughts and let all the resentment die.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
daisy
offlineMemberKC I feel exactly the same as you. My mood fluctuates so much in a day that I think I am abnormal. I want to be normal again....
Posted 2 months ago # -
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KC
offlineMemberVery little time 2kool I told u less than a year. Nothing compared to what people here have had. But I also think coz I started recognising the warning signals fast enough and didn't let it go too far. Some sense of self protection I guess. Anyways you take care 2kool and don't talk at all.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberOk suddenly there are quite a few guys interested in me. Now I have to tread carefully. I have to play things right and at the same time have fun. I know this isn't a dating forum, but for me all of this is part of my evolution into becoming a more carefree fun loving person who is sure of herself. I don't know now really if I really want him back. I could also look at the greener grass for sometime I think. Time to let down my hair for once in life and have fun. What's the point in being too careful. Ypu only have one life. I don't need to be reckless, but I could do something letting go. And its decenber, year ending, lots of time to have fun and party. Yayee! Btw the date of yesterday sounds quite interested now. I have put up some pics on facebook. Hmm maybe my ex will get to know. Maybe not. But I know that I could move on to people who will be more fun and who will treat me better. If we are destined for each other then he will also evolve and I will be able to get back too. But as of now m gonna just secure as many party invites as possible
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
Sweets
offlineMemberthat sounds fantastic KC! Way to go with all these guys!!! I dont think you ever really forgot how desirable you are, so when the ex started to pay you less attention, you realized that it felt abit strange. Now with the attention you deserve you can be who you are again and evolve! I know what you mean about letting go and just enjoy yourself, sometimes it is hard getting back into that single's scene. But not to be reckless ya know, just enjoy and ride the wave of parties... lol
Posted 2 months ago # -
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offlineMemberMy confidence was at a low point when this relationship started and it plummeted even further after the break up. But now I realise that I am quite good. If I want I can get him or whoever and that there is no hurry. I will get whatever is best for me and I will be happy no matter what. All of this has a purpose. I feel he may be scared to ever get back and somehow I don't want to take the first step. I have taken many steps before this, so now he needs to work if he needs it. Meanwhile m going to let my parents also work at maintaining the relationship. The focus is just on me now.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberMy confidence was at a low point when this relationship started and it plummeted even further after the break up. But now I realise that I am quite good. If I want I can get him or whoever and that there is no hurry. I will get whatever is best for me and I will be happy no matter what. All of this has a purpose. I feel he may be scared to ever get back and somehow I don't want to take the first step. I have taken many steps before this, so now he needs to work if he needs it. Meanwhile m going to let my parents also work at maintaining the relationship. The focus is just on me now.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
jess20
offlineMemberyour doing great KC. remember that this is your time now. take your own steps for you. as long as you keep moving forward, your doing great.
'Do not go where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail'
-Ralph Waldon Emerson
'If opportunity doesn't knock. Build a Door'
Posted 2 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 2 months ago KC
offlineMemberDon't know what's wrong. M going down the spiral. I seem to be thinking more of him in the last few days. Sometimes I wonder how it came from us feeling as soulmates to us not talking now. I have wanted to call a lot in the last couple of days but if I do I know I will have to start all over again and no I can't afford that. So m trying to stay strong. Its impossible for him not to miss me I know he does miss me but he won't even admit it and would hide behind some random work smses. Once I refused to talk and he is sulking like a kid. What about all the times he refused me. I feel he is getting a taste of his own medicine but he is taking it bad. A friend told me without my asking that he seems exhausted and has gone on leave. Well I couldn't be sure but maybe the exhaustion is coz of us. I acted very nonchalant with that friend not letting on anything remembering that he might just tell my ex and changed the topic. But even my ex is exhausted coz of us, he should be the one seeking me out. But I feel he is either too proud, scared or maybe feels that it can't ever be salvaged. Well m just keeping strong and hoping a bit. Feeling the blues a bit hope they pass.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago #-
sillycatgerl
offlineInactiveOh KC hun, the ups and downs. i was reading about those guys wanting u and was so excited for u til i get to your last post..is it because of the dating? made u miss him more and tink of him?
Sometimes I wonder how it came from us feeling as soulmates to us not talking now. - i know this is what i was tinking this morning too!!!!
I am burning to call him for xmas and at least see him before i go. its a constant struggle within ur emotions and sticking to NC for our own goods right?
Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberNo it wasn't the dating. It was just a fallout of being too strong for a while I guess. Infact I enjoyed the dates quite a bit. Made me feel more confident of myself and told me that any guy could want me. Its a feeling I never had. Frankly I guess my insecurities also messed up things. I was ready to work on them but I guess they pushed him away a bit. M a much more confident person now than I was when we were together. I know I am a prize and no one is gonna get it on a platter. He needs to meet me halfway. Its just that m getting the blues a bit.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberWell my counsellor is right. I just need something to feel down. I am doing well for myself. Not contacting my ex. Not worrying too much about parents. I am enjoying my life. Then what is ailing me? I still have a sense of emptiness somehow. Never gone so long without contacting him so I guess m missing it a bit. The friend who passed on some news about him yesterday I told him not to tell me anymore, so he says wow seems you are moving on now. Well I am. Of course I am. I cant wait forever for this guy. He might not even be the one if he cant see that I have been good to him. I sometimes also wonder if I could have been more understanding but I think I was quite understanding. No point beating myself up. Counsellor is right even if all is well I need something to feel uneasy. Grief addict I am. Arrgghhh
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 2 months ago -
KC
offlineMemberwell I had been seeing one even during my relationship coz I had some other issues to resolve too family and stuff so the break up sort of came as a bigger blow coz when all was wrong in my life he was the only thing that was right and so I wanted him to be there always
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberOk went through a roller coaster again today. Had to be an emotionally exhausting day after a long time. I had wanted my fairytale so badly that I let a lot of things go by just like that. But towards the end of the day I realised that heck there are so many who love me. When I caht on this forum too so many people come up and say I have been strong for them and they appreciate it. The mistake I made till now was that I thought that no one would like me much coz I never got the kind of attention I wanted from my parents. So I thought I wasn't worth it. But m not a kid anymore. I apllied the same principle to my relationship. Just like I was always accomodating with my parents for fear of losing their approval I was always trying to over compensate with my ex too coz I thought if I don't do it I will lose him. I have fought very drastic urges to call him today. I know if I call today I will cry and it won't be pretty at all. I will only get pushed to friends zone or listen to the why are u not moving on speech. Sorry m not interested in doing that. And I have realised that there will be someone always who loves me even if its not my parents or my ex. I am lovable and I don't need to prove it to these people who don't understand. I don't need to live by their definiton of things. I can live the way I want. I know best for myself.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
sillycatgerl
offlineInactiveKC Hun,
I’ve decided to let go and move on.
After our chat on fb yesterday, it got me thinking. Wth are 2 lovely girls like us doing so hung up and miserable on guys who are our ex?The road won’t be easy but I’m sure we can do it.
When you think you’re ready to reach that stage to move on, I’ll be here to support you ok?
Thanks for all your support, I may still need you on my low days….=)P.s I’m serious about dropping by Mumbai!
Posted 2 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 2 months ago sillycatgerl
offlineInactiveHi KC,
Just want to share with you something.
In life, there's many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves.
It's easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you've formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it's time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.
However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.
Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it'll serve as a roadblock to love.
Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming.
Posted 2 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberYou are right but it makes me sad. Yes we are wonderful people in our own right. I have been upset the past few days probably coz I realised the futility of it all and have realised that he may never come. What angered me and disappointed me yesterday was that I still cared a whole lot. That if he was sick or exhausted I still wanted to be there for him but what's the use if m never going to get that from him. Love isn't selfless as such. And hey u can come to Mumbai for sure. I think it should be fun.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
sillycatgerl
offlineInactiveKC said:
What angered me and disappointed me yesterday was that I still cared a whole lot. That if he was sick or exhausted I still wanted to be there for him but what's the use if m never going to get that from him. Love isn't selfless as such. And hey u can come to Mumbai for sure. I think it should be fun.You're absolutely right. I don't deny that if he is down or what I will be there for him but I don't know if he will be there for me. Or will he ever care as much from the distance he is at now. Makes sense? It's just sad I guess..
KC I would love to go to Mumbai and I'm serious about it! Jan is ok for you?
Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberJan should be fine. Just let me know dates in advance so I can sort of get leave from office for a week atleast. I didn't put up a front girl. It was just that after weeks of being strong I somehow cracked a bit still don't know how. But m not the devastated dump I was in the beginning. I know I can do without him. You know what those guys I keep talking about, they keep in touch with me almost everyday. Asking after me generally joking around and stuff. Its nice and makes me realise m worthy of attention and love that comes for who or whatever I am. This has been my problem since childhood coz as I child I always had to prove myself worthy of love. But not everyone woukd be like my parents. So yeah no matter what m lovable people. I might get down at times but its cool doesn't mean I am a weakling.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 2 months ago KC
offlineMemberJan should be fine. Just let me know dates in advance so I can sort of get leave from office for a week atleast. I didn't put up a front girl. It was just that after weeks of being strong I somehow cracked a bit still don't know how. But m not the devastated dump I was in the beginning. I know I can do without him. You know what those guys I keep talking about, they keep in touch with me almost everyday. Asking after me generally joking around and stuff. Its nice and makes me realise m worthy of attention and love that comes for who or whatever I am. This has been my problem since childhood coz as I child I always had to prove myself worthy of love. But not everyone woukd be like my parents. So yeah no matter what m lovable people. I might get down at times but its cool doesn't mean I am a weakling.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago #-
KC
offlineMemberSo I wake up today and I am like do I want my ex? Do I really and you know what I dont think I do. Atleast not in the way he is right now. I could probably get a more mature guy, someone who I dont have to teach how to love me or take responsibility. Maybe there could a person who will just love me. I think it was dh and armylady who asked me not to settle coz I could get the best. So yeah m not settling even if it means I have to wait a little longer than some girls to get a good partner, I am not settling.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
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*Earnings Disclosure - If you click on this banner and make a purchase, I will be paid a commission.
The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 2 months ago -
KC
offlineMemberMaybe a whole lifetime RDD. I am not really sure of anything right now. Especially if my ex comes back tomorrow whether I want him. I might just tell him to prove it beyond doubt that he is going to stick to this the whole of his lifetime. I am not taking it the way I took it last time. One of our common friends the one I went out with says I should jsut forget this coz I deserve better. Maybe I do and hence I am not settling for anyone who treats me little less than right. Its been a month of NC now. So I am open to hearing from my ex but not open to reconnection yet coz I still have some unresolved anger in me. Need to work on that.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberBeen a tough few days again some form of contact from ex but wasn't ready so rebuffed them. So now it again seems at times like start of NC coz he isn't contacting anymore. People are wondering if m seeing a common friend. Ex called once when I was out with him. Later that night ex asked the common friend how I was and that I seemed happy. Friend made a mistake of saying she isn't exactly happy and u r the cause of it. I reprimanded friend later but guess some damage is done. No attempt by ex after that. He might think I should make the move now but I don't feel like. Its not worth it, it will end up in friends zone right now and that too to his advantage. Even if I become friends I want it to be on an equal footing. As of now just focussing on getting life on track and having loads of fun
ex may come if he realises his part of the problem or he may live his life while I ll live mine love u all ass kickers made some awesome friends out here and I know it will be for life. So at the end of the day m still a better and richer person 
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago # -
KC
offlineMemberAt a friends baby shower. Minor setback. Just saw the way her husband was looking at her and felt extremely lonely. Had so thought he would look at me like this someday. He loved me yes but not enough to get over his fears or to be sure this is what he wanted. And if that is the case its not good for me is it? He has closed off again. But I know one thing if I do this right I will have a much better life. So m sticking to all of this and not giving up. I will ride the blues. Its ok if gotta be lonely. I will keep my strength try not to cry and be strong. Its real tough at times but it hasn't killed me so it will only make me stronger isn't it? But at the end of it all I still love him. Wish he would get the courage and the maturity and I the serenity to aceept whatever be the outcome.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 2 months ago #
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