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KC's NC
(491 posts) (57 voices)-
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Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberThx FFU. Just one of those days I guess. Sometimes after keeping strong for a while you slip a bit. Today was that day. But I am recovering
I was happy I deleted his number or else I might have ended up giving in to temptation of making an emotional call. Will read sunshine's post again and yes you are right FFU he just hasn't figured out what an awesome life partner I can be His loss, because all the love all the things I did for him came from within me, so I can give it again when someone better comes along 
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberSorry my post posted 3 times....eeeekkkksss. I was having internet problems this morning. Oh well, as they say......3rd times a charm!
But regarding your last post.....You are right SISTA! He lost his best love. That's not your fault. And like I just told reigs...all the emotions do come back right in the middle of when you are doing good!
Really focus on YOU, redirect your energy on YOU! That's been my best pain reliever!
Keep it up, You can do it and you can do it for yourself!
Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberWent on a date today
had fun. It was completely casual. Felt nice for a while. And after I left got a msg from the guy that he liked meeting up I am slowly getting stronger. I am working on my own self and trying to get independent. I still am holding on to something and that is something I am slowly attempting to get out of it all. My counsellor says that the trouble probably is that I try very hard. Don't like giving up and yet if things don't work I get upset. I am trying to let go some more. Right now its around 60% done I think and the rest is remaining. Let's hope it works out well.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberHow does one get closure without telling the other person how they have hurt you and how they disappointed you? How to get rid of all the anger and frustration on our own and feel whole again? When I have my days this is what I struggle the most with, getting closure. I really wish I had been able to express my anger atleast once to him. I feel so violated and don't feel that I could trust anyone to be there for me. For most part I try to help people but when I ask them for some help or show any sign of weakness they can't offer any help. Most can't deal with and some say unhelpful stuff like 'you yourself told me how to work in a similar situation and now you are getting confused'. Its only here that I atleast have some people who understand and help. But not many around me. I am human too how can I be expected to always hold myself together. Is it too much to ask people around you for some support? Sorry if I am venting Scott.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
KC said:
How does one get closure without telling the other person how they have hurt you and how they disappointed you? How to get rid of all the anger and frustration on our own and feel whole again? When I have my days this is what I struggle the most with, getting closure.People like to collect friends like the one who has the most wins.
I don't have any friends...except my ex wife...why?
A good friend is very hard to find.
Her and I have to work together to be good parents for our son...that comes first.
A big tip would be next time you're looking for a friend or boyfriend look in a place where you will find like minded people.
People who think and believe a lot of the things you do.
They say opposites attract...yeah, but do they stay together?
I will not make friends with people who do not support my beliefs...why?
They won't support me when I need it, they will always want me to revert to their way of thinking...no thanks.
If you think you have been fucked over a lot, wait until you reach 49 years old...you will have been fucked over so many times you lose count.
Childhood friends screw you over, and then say "I'm sorry, please be my friend again" Why...I can't trust you why the fuck do I need a friend like you?
The bottom line is closure don't mean shit...you have to rely on someone else for that...fuck'em.
You just learn your lesson, and don't make the same mistake again.
Love is about risks...but there is such a thing as minimizing your risks first.
Don't let one asshole mess you up for the rest of your life...it's your life.
This will pass...give it time.
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberThanks Scott. Today was one of my days, sigh maybe I am PMSing
Though I went out on a good date and had some fun too. I know that I can get someone but somehow I still seem to be carrying around the past, or maybe I just am impatient and want to see some results without giving it time. Yes you are right good friends are hard to find. But hadnt thought about the collecting friends part. I guess you are right there. Its ok to have a few but the only trouble then is similar to what happened to me. My ex was my closest friend back then and it has all backfired now coz I didnt have a backup support system so to say. But yes will keep it in mind and hang in there. I wish to stop struggling with reality.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
KC said:
I didnt have a backup support system so to say.It is very hard to rely on other people, but we have to at times.
All I can say is if they show signs of being untrustworthy...don't ignore the signs.
I will find more friends when I have time...too busy trying to get out of this basement and into my own place...first things first.
I have a very short leash with people if they fuck me over once...I am going to kick their ass to the curb.
Good friends/people don't fuck each other over...ever, there's no reason to.
We live and learn, and a lot of the lessons can be hard to take...especially when your own flesh and blood turn against you.
But hey!
You can't choose your family (unless your an orphan), but you can sure as hell pick your friends, right?
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberSo another day has passed and I am still here alive and working. Yes I may be a little sad in the whole process but I am still working. Yeah he was far too fucked up and had faced many more problems in life. But I do realise I am stronger, not because I had less problems but because I dont run from them. I try to confront problems first and only accept the outcome if its an irreversible situation, till it doesnt seem like that I fight. Perhaps this is what is the problem. I just need to let go this time. This problem is far too fucked up and is not worth all the energy I am giving it. This relationship is beyond salvage for many reasons, so I need to focus on my relationship with me and just that. I dont need anybody, truth is I have survived uptil now on my own, so I can do it in the future too. And I will always have people to help me along the way. Its ok if things dont go my way. It can only mean there is a better way. I deserve happiness and I shall get it. I have realised as in my brain has realised that there is no point struggling with this situation, but somehow the heart still holds out some hope. Its a war within and I am getting ravaged everyday. I am rooting for the brain, let it prevail and get me out of this indecision.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberGuess I did something bad today. I gave some negative advice. Didnt mean to but I was probably caught up with all the negativity in my life that I put out my life situations and thought it out from that point of view. Sorry about that Jagged and Allie. Guess I need to get out of my spiral of negativity soon.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberYour right KC, everything you said in your post above. It's just what I needed to read. Today (bad day for me), I don't feel my relationship is worth hanging on to. After today I don't feel it. But....I have also forgiven him so many times for so many bad things.
I don't know why I do that? After someone has hurt you as much as they have why do we want to forgive them even more?
Does this happen to you?It's all such an emotional roller coaster and is so difficult to deal with. Granted I am getting better and that's what pulls me through the hard times.
Anyways, I can relate to your post above. It hit home again for me. Stay Strong and Thanks for your support.
Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberThanks FFU for your support too. Frankly I dont know what I would have done if all of you guys werent here. All of you, all 32 of you who have participated in my diary, you have all helped in some way or the other. Pulled me up in worst circumstances and made me believe that even if its only in the virtual world, I still have some support. Frankly today I am just tired of being there for everyone in my life. I was just thinking of why not have someone else who stands for me for a change. Someone who would be there in my life. My counsellor is right, its not so much the relationship, its more of all past stuff also getting into my head and piling up as one rejection and heart break after other that is messing me up even more. Letting go of the past is a problem for me and maybe I expect too much from myself, thanks to all the conditioning that I have got that I should always be the strong one, the correct one. So I guess I try too hard to get it all right. Its ok to be messed up a bit I guess. I just some more positivity, some more happy feeling and someone to hug me once in a while. Thats the biggest sorrow in my life, sounds funny though, but being held and getting some affection is something I have craved forever. So I guess its not him that I miss, its the affection he showed me initially that I miss. I was raised by very undemonstrative parents and I still dont know what being naturally loved is. I always have had to give more and more of myself to keep the boat from rocking and get some love in return. Fuck that makes me so pathetic. I dont need all these people from my past. They wont change, so I better stop expecting anything from them. I better start looking for people who would understand and stand by me and I better do it all without expecting. Stop expecting anything KC.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
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offlineMemberYour NOT pathetic! Don't ever beat yourself up like that....EVER! It sounds like your a giver and you want in return. Nothing wrong with that. I think we overcompensate so much only to get a little and that is very aggravating. I have only felt this way with my ex. I loved his affection and that's what I think I am addicted to. I am finding this out daily because in the end of my relationship with him....all the fights, etc., that couldn't have been love.
Anyways, I miss the affection also but from him. I have plenty of people in my life who care for me but it's not the same as his care, his love and his affection.
I know all of this can ONLY get better, I believe that! I look at myself a month ago and see how weak I was (and today was a reminder) and I look at how far I have come and realize I can't stop now.
You can't stop either. I know the past is hard to let go of, I have the same problem with my ex. Do you ever feel there are things they did that you can't ever get over? I do...... And this makes it hard for me to move on in some ways. I really don't know how to deal with those past feelings? The only thing I know is to keep doing what I am doing because Iike you said earlier....we deserve happiness and shall get it. I want my happiness to come from myself and I learned that from this forum. I never realized that before, I always depended on him to make me happy (what was I thinking).
And your probably right, they won't change....I think that is obvious. Maybe if we don't expect then we won't get hurt? I think that might be a good motive, don't expect anything.
Hang in there with me KC....WE will make it, we have to for ourselves.
Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberYes I decide now to stop beating myself up about things. Ok I mess up but then everyone else does and maybe more than me too. I havent done things half as bad as some people have maybe. Yeah you are right FFU I am a giver and want something better in return, not to say that I am giving selfishly, just that I believe that I deserve it. I just need to find people who would give me instead of always taking. I desrve to be treated with respect for what I bring to my relationships and if they dont do that then I dont need them, whoever they may be. I have some friends however few and I have you guys, I will tide over all of this. Today was a bad day, but tomorrow isnt going to be the same.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberYour right, we have all messed up..I know I have...geeesshhhh! But that's how we learn
You do deserve it....respect! You really do! Simply because of the type of person you are. And if those people take from you, get them out of your life (that's hard to do at times) but we don't need that void in our lives.
Keep looking for those people, they are around, even if it's through cyberspace :)!
Please try to find the book "Why Men Love Bitches". Not to take away from the MOMU and this forum at all. But "Why Men Love Bitches" is a self help book for women like us. When you read the first sentence in the book you won't stop! It will give you a big "AHA" when you read it. I couldn't believe it when I read it. I was actually jumping through hoops in my relationship and overcompensating and he didn't have to lift a finger in our relationship, therefore he I think this made him treat me the way he did, I was his doormat. No matter what he did and said to me......he still had me! Don't let the title scare you, it's not about being a bitch, it's about finding YOU! I think it will help you a lot!
Yes, Today was a bad day, and tomorrow IS NOT going to be the same! DITTO! I will be having that good day with ya tomorrow!
We can do this!Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberThanks again FFU. Thanks to this forum and friends I made here I atleast have some people to trun to and vent it all out and finally feel better after getting it all out. Thanks to everyone who listens to my rant. I have been trying to get that book but haven't been able to. And yes, I had been a doormat too. Funny hw people who are doormats to others tend to try and make doormats of you and continue the cycle. My ex is his mom's doormat and to a lot of other people too, but he wanted me to remain docile forever. By NC I have stopped taking his shit and made him realise he can't use me. And that is why he reacted badly. I need to keep reminding myself that it wasn't that he was really hurt or anything, I frankly did nothing to hurt him, its just that he realised that he lost control over me. I was no longer doing what he wanted and he couldn't take that. Anyways forget him. I am feeling so much better after all the venting out. Yipee new day herre I come
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago -
KC
offlineMemberHmm so m sitting out at the beach, came here for a walk after so long. Got something planned for the public holiday next week yayee. I was talking to this common friend of ours, who has become a good friend of mine, and telling him that I went on a date and now m doing this and this and this. He was like wow suddenly your life is full
yeah I guess I am turning over slightly. The common friend said he met my ex I let his statement pass didn't react at all. Seemed like he was testing me to see if I had moved on. I didn't ask any question or do anything. I guess I did right, what do you guys say?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberGood Job KC! You redirected your thoughts and focus towards YOU.....that's the way it needs to be in every instance until we are better with ourselves. When we find ourselves and have let go of the past then we can deal with those instances. We will be in a much better place by then because we will have forgiven ourselves and others for hurting us. I think you did a good job and is a step in moving on :)!
You make me Proud :)! If you can do it:), I can do it :)!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberI miss him still and love him but I realise that certain things aren't really on track right now. I like going out. I really do. One of my friends was leaving town so we met up today. I did some fun stuff went to a hookah parlor and very unsuccessfully tried to smoke a hookah lol. Enjoyed and this common friend has always been very supportive and encouraging. He has been sort of keeping tabs of my progress and stuff and likes it when I tell him about my adventures with meeting people
I know good times are rolling now and I am set to meet many exciting people. This year I am dedicating to my pleasures, doing whatever I please. Maybe after this year I will take life seriously again. But this year it is all about self love and pleasure. I should be able to say that I have tried all sorts of things and have no regrets. My ex is lonely u knowe and I know he won't get another person like me who understands. So really its he who doesn't have options. I don't need to worry.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberM seething. I was to have dinner with this common friend. And I cancelled two other invites coz he had said we would meet. But there was no response from him later. I called him and he said he got caught up with work. That so reminded me of ex. If u guys suddenly get extra work, isn't it just common courtesy to inform the other person that you won't make it. Why does thwe other person have to call and find out that you are suddenly were asked to stay on? I know this guy wasn't lying, he had work and I don't think my ex lied too. But this avoidant nature sucks. What's with the I won't say a thing till m pushed to it? And if a girl demands then they cry about space (m not talking of all you men some are good I concede). I am not lwtting anyone else even a friend do that to me again. If you can't keep a promise you better make it up to me coz I deserve it. I feel like calling my ex and blasting him right now for all those days. I was trying to be understanding, isn't that what a good partner is supposed to be like? But it seems people like it only when they are controlled, if you try to give them the so-called 'space' they only take advantage of you. Now its going to be just about ME so good this happened. Now even this friend will have to explain and make it up to me. I am not going to be sweet and understanding and inwardly disappointed anymore.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberOk I know that was an angry post. But whatever.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberSo well I am doing better in this I feel. I wake up in the mornings, do think of him but tell myself its of no use and I find the thoughts less disturbing and pervasive. I wonder at times though if he is also finding it easier to forget me now. Sigh. On the track of personal evolution it seems at times that my work is suffering. Maybe its also coz m far too competitive. I don't need to be. Life is to be savoured isn't it? I will enjoy more of it now and take care to keep myself alive and kicking. I have come quite far and I know I am an achiever. Success is mine. Life offers all it can to me and I devour the goodies
maybe its just the guilt my upbringing has hoisted on me that is talking. I have never concentrated on just having fun in life and now that m doing it, the old habits are saying how can you desert the seriousness and live like that. Need to get more things done at work somehow anyhow.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberGuess I need to stop thinking of getting back. Its ok right now if I am alone, I had always managed it before. Now is the time to just concentrate on my work. Funny there was a time when I was crying that he had said he needed to focus on his career and that he had fallen back a bit. Well, there is no point in wasting thought energy on something that is currently not working. If God wills, it will work out or else something better is in store. I will continue posting here because my posting here has more to do with me than getting back my ex.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberSo common friend apologises profusely and promises to make it up. Yayee it feels good to not be so 'understanding' and put yourself first and deserve and get an explanation when someone lets you down. Btw he also told me that my ex's status today was 'When people whom you hate take precedence over people whom you love, its something to worry about'. Not that I asked but he told me coz he thought that it was probably directed at him now that he was more friendly with me i.e. him being the person hated and me being the person loved. But I assured him not to analyse my ex's kiddish status messages. I also told him not to tell me any more of any statuses. As far as I am concerned it was another one of those incidents in his life where he turned on his self pity button and blame the world button, so it shouldnt bother me at all. And you know what, I just felt so good that he deleted me and so now I dont have to look at his status anymore. I mean its so much better this way, when you dont have to worry about what they are putting out there or trying to say. Frankly I think status message is a silly way to communicate personal grievances and especially if you are using to it convey your feelings about friends and family. You can use status messages to talk about the world or about some trend, but not about anything extremely personal. Anyways someday I know I am going to laugh about all of this and it will be a happy day
I deserve much better.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberHas anyone else felt this? I feel like its all complletely over, like there is no use waiting or doing anything, and so feel like calling ex up and saying that I forgive him and he is free for whatever he wants to do. Somewhat like I forgive him coz he doesn't even know what he is doing. I still love that boy a lot, but can see that maybe it isn't a good idea despite all the love. I know he loves me a lot too something that is reflecting as hate in his life now. Guess that's only how moms feel, maybe girlfriends don't feel that way. I love my child but it will just stay with me as love, how could I love so much? At the same time I know I could love someone else in a different way too and stay true to him while this love stays within my heart. Strange. I do feel am letting go bit by bit everyday and clearing up my mindspace while keeping just some space in my heart, maybe it really wasn't meant to be. Maybe he was right all along in thinking of letting it go early on, maybe I just was holding on coz the romantic me believes love can conquer everything. What do you guys think of this? Any suggestions are welcome.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberHad an awesome day outdoor with some friends. Went biking. Though thought of ex still and at the end of the. Day almost decided to send him a final sort of what went on in my mind during the relationship mail. But again talked myseldf out of it. M making many new friends and travelling, something I love to do. At times I even think life might get boring with ex coz he never travels. Well even if my future partner doesn't travel often m going to ensure that I do, too bad if he can't join in the fun, I plan to continue having fun. Well the tide is turning and its turning in MY favour.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberI just feel so scared of trusting someone else. This friend of mine is there for me always but I am getting scared. M probably acting too stand offish with him at times because I just don't want to depend on someone else so soon. I wonder if I will get over this. Suddenly its like back to my old days, when I never trusted anyone and when I kept away from people protecting myself from hurt. I love my ex a lot still I think but m too too scared of letting anyone close.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
Wringo
offlineMemberKC,
Everything you're experiencing is absolutely normal.
I think everyone here goes through the stage where they are not ready to let anyone "in" just yet. All of a sudden, all these new people appear in our lives but we don't feel that it's time for anything new.
It's healthy to feel that way. Again, this is time for ourselves, to focus on evolving and it's hard to do that when there's someone like that around. It's kind of like having a child around that you have to take care of when you really want to just take care of yourself. NOT that I'm saying having a child is not good, mind you. But it's like having something extra to think and worry about when you need to focus on yourself.
Also, the feelings you're experiencing about your ex are cool. I'm also beginning to feel similar emotions. Now that the anger and burning desire to get back together are gone, you're filled with the feeling of love and forgiveness. But I wouldn't go ahead and contact the ex. It's just not time yet. And if they were concerned with our well being, they would have properly contacted us already. That doesn't mean it won't happen. But we've done our best here and we'll continue improving.
Plus, there's no reason to cut them any more slack than we already have...
Cheers, you're doing a good job.
M
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago KC
offlineMemberWringo said:
Plus, there's no reason to cut them any more slack than we already have...
Aah Wringo just what I wanted to hear. I was getting those feelings of guilt again coz I still feel some responsibility for my ex's feelings. Good you reminded me that I have done my best here
Well I wouldnt say that having this friend around is like having to take care of him. Its more like I dont want to be unfair to him coz though I want to grab the hand of friendship offered, I am not in the position to be giving anything right now. That would end up being slightly unfair to him, thats my only worry. As for progress, I hope to continue doing that. I sometimes fall back to thinking, but most of all I think the problem is that I hate loose and sour ends and thats what has happened here I feel. Another thing is that I am impatient with myself, I am not satisfied with the pace of my own letting go and that gives me more pain. My counsellor says it comes from my being a perfectionist, this whole demand and expectation from myself. Need to ease a bit on that.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #-
Sunshine_9
offlineInactiveKC said:
Another thing is that I am impatient with myself, I am not satisfied with the pace of my own letting go and that gives me more pain. My counsellor says it comes from my being a perfectionist, this whole demand and expectation from myself. Need to ease a bit on that.Stay strong KC - it's a work in progress, a few steps forward and one back, it's all about the journey. Know within you are amazing and do deserve the best. It will come, patience, especially with yourself.
We have been conditioned our whole lives to be that caring, loving, take care of others, forget about ourselves, we're not "important". SO, we can't/won't change overnight........as it took SO long to condition us to who we are today, it will take quite a well to REcondition who we WANT to become. It's hard I know and some days easier said then done, BUT we WILL get there - WE WILL!!!!!!
Stay strong and positive KC!!! And be KIND to yourself, YOU need it. COMPASSION is the key to life, but start with being compassionate about YOU, then you'll notice you will "open" up to others. It will all come when we're "ready".
Until then, stay on your path - you're doing GR8!!!!
Sending peace and strength your way....
Always,
Sunshine
xx00Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberThanks Sunshine you guys are a blessing. PMS sucks really it does. And this time it came on like a week earlier yikes. I now know why I was moping about all this while. Aargh! I still keep going back and forth. But all this will only get me a better future I know I deserve it. I am learning to be patient with myself. Also I discovered that I was fighting my love for him which was leading to this internal tussle and upsetting me. Its ok, its alright to still love him. I don't have to feel guilty about it. At the same time I now accept that what is love for me isn't the same to him. Its all ok. I am my own person. Wringo you are right, if they haven't contacted doesn't mean they won't ever. They very well could but we have to strengthen ourselves to a life of being happy with ourselves. Like they say faith is believing in what you don't see.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberDid anyone hear of the Brangelina split? Of course you all have. I never believed it would work right from the start. And I think its one more example of what happens when go with the grass is greener syndrome. Rebounds of this kind never last. And there are reports now of how Brad has let himself go appearance wise. If you notice Jen still looks fab. Yes she didn't have another full time relationship unlike Brad, but I think she still came out winner here. Atleast she didn't make too much of a fool of herself. When u have too much of a nice thing sometimes you take it for granted and then go for someone totally opposite firmly believing that's what you want. And then when you finally wake up, more often than not you realise that you probably let go of a very good thing while chasing a mirage. Anyways if you want to bring misery onto yourself no one can help you right?
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago Wringo
offlineMemberHeard about it, but I think it's just a rumor...again. Gossip. Gossip.
But truth be told, I think you're still right about Brad and Jen (never thought I'd be having this conversation!), she seems to be taking things slowly and on her own path. She is the most successful actor to come out of the Friends series.
Brad on the other hand, seems to go through phases. Notice how he's always changing his looks and a lot of the time he tries to make himself look ugly. I think deep down he realizes a lot, but when in a relationship it's hard to really evolve.
Also, notice how Angelina also kinda jumps from one extreme to another in her life. From bad\crazy girl with Billy Bob, to UN ambassador\lives for charity Mrs. Brad Pitt. And it seems like it happened overnight.
The funny thing, Billy still says she still loves him. Which in these cases (jumping from one to another) it could well be true.
Lol, we should open a new topic to discuss Brangelina...
Anyway, just woke up after a night shift at the office and wanted to put in my 2 cents.
KC, you're looking mighty fine!
Cheers everyone.
M
Posted 1 month ago #-
KC
offlineMemberLol yeah I wondered why no one brought Brangelina uptil now hahaha. Thanks Wringo, I feel much better now that I have realised it was my hormones playing truant lol. And Wringo another problem with most people is that pride holds them back from admitting they messed up, maybe that is what happens especially to superstars. Its funny but I have been noticing a lot of these superstar couples in Hollywood and back home and realising that its tougher for them actually. Like imagine if any of them ever wanted to do NC, the press would still be relaying all info about the new couple's life, so you can never really stop getting news about the other person, must be damn tough.
Anyways, back to ourselves. Wringo you are doing pretty well yourself too. There are things I realise I am better off with now than I was when I was in a relationship. There are still things to be worked on, a lot of scope of improvement, but doesnt mean I am not doing well
I still think of him, but I had another realisation yesterday that part of my problem is that I am fighting feeling love for him. I have to be more patient and realise that I will have some love for him always and its ok. And though people say move on do this do that and stuff, its my life and I decide the pace. Just coz some people seem to be better at hiding their feelings doesnt mean they are doing better.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberIn continuation with the last post with respect to pride, sometimes what people seem to be doing is that they stick on to the second relationship just coz they are too proud to admit that they made a mistake by letting go of something good. So they go to desperate lenghts to prove that they made a good choice the second time around, all to uphold some little pride. Its sad but I have seen it happen so many times and in that process they tend to spoil the lives of many others. My ex had said that during one of our last 'talks' you know, that he will try to work it out if he is forced to marry some girl someday coz I had showed him what 'true love' is. Isnt that kinda sad that you wont work at what you have and will try to compromise with something life throws at you later? Anyways, m feeling much at peace today and loving it
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago # -
BEAUTY
offlineMemberKC, if ur ex said dat and like many guys will say dat wen their parents find for dem a perfect girl, better not to be wid such a person who cannot stand for wat he syas he loves and will compromise and do wat others say to him and if his pride is getting in his way, den let it be, coz d other relationship will also suffer as he will always hav in his mind wat he lost(if u saw d movie starring Salman&Aishwarya&Ajay i.e. hum dil de chuke sanam)it is only in movies such things happen like wat aish did in d end,(somehow it reminded me of d movie d quote by ur ex)(my bf is also being forced to marry a girlof his parents choice and he is 36 and still unmarried in our country,imagine dat how undecided he is as he needs to hav his parents approval first, i respect his parents but wud respect him more if he was not forced to marry someone)
And if doesnt know wat he has why bother for him, if he doesnt bother, mind u i am not saying dont love him, but let him evolve to take his own decisions for we hav many marriages of convenience in our dear country(u said u were from mumbai,rite?) and den d people repent over trying to work dem out!!!
So stay strong, go out, enjoy d new found company of other guys and see wat a good vibe u get and just enjoy being single!!!
Take CarePosted 1 month ago # -
KC
offlineMemberI never bought his excuse Beauty and that is why I decided it is all or nothing for me, because carrying forward something just for the sake of not being misunderstood or to not appear as a bad person in front of your ex is no way of living life. That means you are giving someone else's approval too much importance in your life. If you know you have done the best you could, then that is enough, fuck what the other person thinks, coz frankly you never can control that. He had been copping out since the beginning, ti took me time to realise it though. I have realised a lot of stuff and though I understand where he came from, I am not letting him get away with living life without responsibility. So yeah if he has t ohave me he better do some of the work too. He loves me I know that for sure, but if he is too chicken to do anything about it now, there is no point. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could be a better girlfriend and finally I realised that it wasnt about me at all, it was him all along, so I have stopped trying. If its gotta work even then, it will but it will have to be initiated and followed through by him.
If you can't handle me at my worst, you dont deserve me at my best. - Marilyn Monroe
"When you respond to an unreasonable person by getting emotional, you give them victory. How do you manage unreasonable people? You dismiss them...Like shadows" David Viscott..Posted 1 month ago #
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