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Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Plan to Get Your Ex Back
KC, dang girl! You have evolved!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Reading this post above to talk to you last week and week before, this is like the inner strength i KNEW you had it in you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!!! And "he's too chicken"... then you need a MANNNNN!!!
All your effort and time has brought you here, for you by you!!!! Amazing accomplishment girlfriend
xoxo
Thx sweets
u r amazing too and a real support. Its amazing how sometimes its just something you think of in the morning that changes the day for you. I started today with my favourite louise hay book you can heal your life and the day turned out to be so positive
you guys should try reading that book too its amazing. Stay strong and have fun all of u.
That is the best book ever. I read it in like 2 days. it helps so much in this process. It is a really great book. Another really amazing book is The Secret. It is great to see that you have came along so far.
you bet Lousie hay is my favourite too!!! we can all start wid d positive affirmations!!!
Today I put it out to the universe. I have a life full of love. There are many people who love me and care for me. I am completely, utterly lovable and adorable and I love ME. I am putting it out today all the problems in my relationships are vanishing. The dead relationships are being infused with new life, old relationships are becoming better and newer ones are bringing new joys. I have a wonderful, fulfilling job and I always get what I want. I attract healthy patterns in everything in life from now on. All my regrets, all the pains of the past are getting washed away each day. Each day gets easier and brings me closer to my dream life. My ex is a good memory. The universe is conspiring to make him reach out to me and the universe is ensuring that there is a fresh start to everything in my life.
Its like a day of love today. I feel like spreading love and cheer everywhere. All of you people, I would love to give you the love that is there in my heart. Believe me its the best feeling when you are in a loving mood. So sending all of you warms hugs and loads of love
I LOVE it KC. You are doing great girl. I love your post.
So wonderful.
SAME HERE KC, I DECLARE THE SAME INTENTION TO THE UNIVERSE!!!
I AM LOVED AND APPRECIATED BY EVERYONE AND I LEAD A HAPPY AND FULFILLED LIFE!!!
Just got to know ex's office has shifted to a place farther away from mine. So there might be no way now that we meet by chance. Felt sad a bit. Don't know if its good or bad or whatever. For a second I gave into the fear of what if we never meet, but now I know that if we are meant to we will meet. After all, I didn't know the day I met him that I would meet the love of my life did I? I have plans for saturday and I hope to make them great. I intend to live a full life from this moment on. I have friends oh yes I do. Its just that I was preventing myself from opening up in the fear of getting hurt coz that was true of my past. But my new truth is that the world is friendly and great to me. I purge all the thoughts of the past. I refuse to let go of my innocence or belief in the goodness of people. It is true if you are good the world is good to you. The truest most beautiful love of my life is approaching me and the universe has ensured that I receive it with open arms and keep it. Love is now a reward, a joy, something easy and sweet to live with. And I refuse to let my fear of abandonment and rejection affect my decisions in love. Fights and disagreements are inevitable in every relationship but I refuse to let any fight in the future trigger my fears of the past. Every day, every bit of life is only about now and I now train my subconscious to accept that its all about ME and about NOW. The past is powerless and negative patterns are powerless and irrelevant this moment on.
KC said:
but now I know that if we are meant to we will meet. After all, I didn't know the day I met him that I would meet the love of my life did I?
Exactly!
Just like that movie (chick flick alert) Serendipity.
The whole movie they struggle to find each other, and just when they stop trying so hard...it happens.
Sometimes it's better to stay out of the universes way, and let things take their own course.
Stay Strong!
*Disclaimer - I end up watching all these chick flicks because I have a female roommate. They aren't that bad, but I don't think I would buy one. Why should I? Just find a woman and they will have plenty of them to "make" you watch.
Lol would never judge you for watching them though. I love movies for only one thing. They keep the hope alive and do inspire you to dream and be positive and after all what is life without any dreams? Keep dreaming everyone and keep strong to make them come true.
Just read qsgirl's engagement story. One thing she said struck me. She said she followed her heart despite everyone asking her to move on. Its something I have been thinking over these days. I realised that the problem wasn't that I was waiting. The problem was that I was letting the thoughts of others saying move on do this, do that that was affecting me more. Most people I know seem to give up or flit from relationship to relationship. That's not how I would ever see relationships. To me relationships are meant to be nurtured and taken forward. So is the case I trust with many of you so fuck what others say about you or your evolution or your idea of getting ex back. Just do what pleases ypur heart with of course a little consideration of not being selfish. Self love not selfishness.
*Disclaimer - I end up watching all these chick flicks because I have a female roommate. They aren't that bad, but I don't think I would buy one. Why should I? Just find a woman and they will have plenty of them to "make" you watch.
Hey SW, how would you call "Forgetting Sara Marshall"? Boy-flick?
Self love not selfishness.
Quote of the day!!! Great stuff KC, don't give up. We all know that it's easier said than done. so keep it up. Listen to as many advices you want and then follow what is the BEST for yourself.
Keep doing all the things that make's you feel happy. You've evolving and that shows you are a strong person who can overcome bad situations.
Good point KC and MrEnte...
It is all about self love and the more self love you give to yourself the more you will evolve and radiate to others.
Hang in there KC, your doing very Well:)!
Hey thanks there all of you. Well had a good day. Watched a movie with that common friend then we borrowed another dvd and watched that at home too. Felt nice to spend a day with another human being, in my lonely existence in this city so far these few opportunities are highlights
I am human and all I wanted at the end of a good day was some hugs and caresses but as of now that is not possible. You don't make out with friends lol. But despite missing him at the end of the day, I successfully curbed any thoughts of why am I with some other guy doing things we should have done. I put aside all those thoughts and just concentrated on having fun. I did enjoy we spoke about ex but only like some guy we both knew. Nothing about what was going on or anything. I still panic at times thinking of negative stuff, but I have told my mind that negativity is powerless. The only powerful thoughts are positive ones. Life is gonna bring me some great moments. Whatever is for my best will come to me. I now open myself to lots of love and care. I attract caring individuals who value me.
NICE WORK KC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am sooo proud of you recognizing the self love u have and being able to share human moments with another guy!!! WOW you have come so far to see that this is you! whatever you decide to do from this point forward about your ex i am behind you 1000% because i can tell that you wont put up with non-sense anymore because you really know your true self worth!
"I attract caring individuals who value me" ---- you bet you do!!! and just believe in what your heart tells you dig deep, that you dont have to share with anyone, and just believe like you said few posts up.
cheers, xoxoxox
Thx for the support sweets. As of now I plan to do NOTHING abt the ex for the simple reason that relatuonships are about two people. While m still evolving, there has been no indication that he has started. So the best thing right now is time and some more detachment. I am sure whatever is the best will happen. There is a dialogue from a famous Indian movie that the end is always a happy one to any film (well most indian films have happy endings) and if its not happy then that is not the end, the story is yet to finish itself. Oh I love the positive spirit in movies both hollywood and bollywood
Yeah things are unfolding, life is getting better. Life is all about happiness, sunshine, light and love. Its my life and its a fantastic one from this moment on.
Nice! Who know, perhaps your ex moving offices is just part of the evolution or part of some positive energy that you put out there. Just remember that everything is happening for a reason and all of it is for the best. If you two are meant to be, then it will happen. But don't let those other opportunities that present themselves go by, you never know what might come of them!
Stay strong!
M
I just love your positive attitude ~ KC!! Reading your NC diary gives me tons of inspiration and energy to move on with my life. For some reasons, I have the same concept as yours ~ I am not going to do anything about my ex anymore. Occasionally, he will still send me emails/MSN messages ~ I replied without any emotions or I did not even ask him questions about his life anymore.
Let see what life will take us! Even though each of us have different situations and different degrees of personal evolution, I wish you guys all the best.
Ok sweets set me thinking actually. I have thought a bit about reconnection the past couple of days but still a bit unsure if I can handle rejection or pain again. Yeah scott would say then its not time to reconnect. Just one question to you guys who have followed my diary. What do you think I should contact him or should I let him contact me? Do let me know what you think about this pls. Will help me decide as this is a grey area for me still, whose should be the first move?
hmmmmmmm KC, this could be a hard one. If your asking......then of course your not ready :(.
I think it has to be RIGHT inside of you.....is it? Do you feel it's ok? Or is this reconnection still based on fear? Have you evolved enough? WOW....lots of questions but these are questions I would ask myself when I put myself in your shoes.
Think it out and really be TRUE and positive with your feelings to yourself. You sure don't want to feel the pain of rejection from him and if you think you would feel that from him then don't do it yet :(! I hope you tell me the same thing one day when I am not ready to reconnect :)!
And in my opinion.......I would let HIM do the contacting (that's my plan anyways) if he NEVER does make contact then it's a BLESSING that I walked away from him and found myself!
Post your true feelings about reconnecting.....it may give us all a better view of what your thinking
and may give you a better answer.
Hope that helps?
Hey FFU yeah somewhere I do want him to reconnect. Also I have been wondering if I reconnect now, however ready I might be would it make him think that m desperate for him to be back in my life? Well do I need him? NO. Would I like to have him, yes. I don't think m actually ready you know so m stalling still
all my friends his friends everyone had told me to just let him do anything if at all. I do believe now that he surely misses me but its either pride or fear that is holding him back. In that case then reconnection will be a failure coz he would get back to be friends or to feel good about himself none of which is of any use to me. Have I evolved, yes quite a bit but maybe I should test myself a bit more. Has he evolved, well doesn't seem so by any indication from his friends. But again he would never talk of anything nor share anything out there coz all his friends too seem to be on my side
at the moment with repect to me no one thinks he did right. Aah well what the heck I will let this pass. I know m the best choice for him, he won't get another ME and he knows it. As for me who knows m not deciding anything anymore. All I know is I never felt this strong a connection with anyone before. But maybe I will feel a strongwer one later. The key is to wait for the best and only then settle. Hmm I still have some sense of responsibility towards him not good. Reconnection scrapped for the time being. The old me would have msgd or mailed by now, so yeah I have evolved somewhat
On another note, I am happy with my dvd player, I have started singing again thanks to that. I had been letting go completely of a good part of my life, my music just like that. But now m reclaiming it. And my mantra from now on is live for YOU no matter what others say. The less you listen to so called well wishers the more you get to know yourself and your heart. And one piece of advice if thoughts of reconnection give you a frown, lead you to obssessive thoughts or give u a headache, don't reconnect. Listen to your feelings always. They are 99% right. If something feels even a little bit odd or uncertain stay away. Wow did my ex feel undertain, is that why he declined? Haha couldn't resist thinking that. Anyways, I would say if you are uncertain don't get into a relationship rather than get into one and then cry off later coz u r unsure.
I am actually a bit thankful for the break up. Say we had continued, I would have lost a little bit of me everyday worrying about how to make it work. And he would have been distant all the time. It would have come to a point where he might have resented me for tying him down at a young age (he is 3 yrs younger to me). I asked for the break up first coz I foresaw all this. And then when he seemed to regret the only mistake I made was to push for it early on. I didn't know about NC or anything then. But had we got back then, the relationship would have been the old one itself. So its good I got this perspective. Whatever bad had to happen has happened. NOW only GOOD remains. I know he misses me. It has become some sort of a war of wills I think. But better get it done completely once rather than having a cordial but unsatisfactory bonding isn't it?
Hmm another revelation. I have a childlike need to share stuff with people, happy, sad, I love to share it with friends or significant other. Part of my evolution is to curb this need a bit.
I was thinking this morning of a train journey. Say you are to go from point A to point B by train. You dont know how long it will take. You just know the train takes you to B. So what do you do when you are in the train? Do you keep worrying about when or how you will reach B? Or do you look out the window, watch the scenery, chat up your co-passengers? Most likely you do the latter. Why? Because you know you are going to reach B anyways coz thats where the train is going. So yeah thats how I plan to take my life. I know I will reach my destination, so in the meantime rather than wondering about reaching it, m gonna have fun.
Have fun and stay strong all of you.
Hmm another day over. Had some low momebts about the job in the evening, but then I recovered after speaking to a friend. You know wahts great, there are people now who call me up and miss me if they don't hear from me for a while. Isn't that great? I have friends who care. I have people who all love me. Every one of them loves to spend time with me. The universe is conspiring to get me the best. He is reaching out I know. He knows m the best choice for him. He does miss me teriibly and slowly all his confusion is disappearing.
Meanwhile m doing better. There is a possibility of a new job for me and I am gonna try my best this time. My job is one that extracts the best of my potential. My family is getting used to the idea of my independence. They are accepting me as I am slowly. Life is GOOD. Life is an EXCITING journey and discovery.
There is a possibility of a new job for me and I am gonna try my best this time.
Good stuff! Get ready for the interview. You can do it and you have the potential to get that job. Just keep focus, go to the interview with confidence, smile. It might help and motivate you to read some tips on how to make a good impression on jobs interviews!
All the best
Thanks MrEnte. Hmm a day of self doubt. Not something I like to dwell on, atleast not now at all. But yeah it was there, with respect to work, with respect to ex and parents. A few moments of wondering just what the hell am I doing with my life? Existential angst they call it dont they? Or maybe its just plain old impatience. Blah. In any case, universe I am good whatever way I am right now and I intend to stay good and true to myself and close ones. I fulfill all my dreams and those of my parents. I receive great appreciation in everything I do in life. My life is full and happy. I know it is, however much all you negative thoughts try to tell me otherwise.
KC said:
I fulfill all my dreams and those of my parents.
I wouldn't worry about your parents dreams, they have to fulfill their own dreams...not you.
Any good parents dream would be to see their child grow up healthy, happy, independent, and strong.
Live your life for yourself, and your destiny will find you...try to live for other people (dreams), and you will stay lost.
The one thing I regret the most was not following my dream of becoming a musician when I was in my 20's...I was frightened of failure.
I really believe I missed my destiny, and that put me in limbo...don't miss your destiny.
Although another one will find you, it really sucks to feel lost in-between destinies.
Stay Strong!
Thanks scott guess that came out coz my parents called me in the morning and I got a slight dose of guilt coz m not my usual please them take care of them self anymore. I have been drawing boundaries and that is new for me, makes me wonder sometimes if m doing it right. But yeah I gotta follow my destiny. I wanted to be a singer too. And now you know what m a part of mainstream media but seem to find it sucks. Again m dithering on taking a plunge coz m scared of monetary difficulties. I need to get over that fear. So yeah I FULFILL MY DREAMS, others take care of their own. What sucks is comparisons, the set idea of what is successful and what isn't that stands in the way of many of us. But hey I wish to share another success today which happened just a few moments ago. I managed to control my rage and angry modd to some extent. I could feel a subtle difference is all I can say. Its not yet polished but m getting there when it comes to controlling emotions. Isn't that great? I don't remember having done that irrational anger management before. So yeah some evolution is on the way
I can keep others happy only if I am happy, so my happiness comes first.
LOA in action. I did some thinking on my job yesterday and also did some of the exercises in the secret and yayee today was a great day at work. Bottomline focus on what you are happy about and think of that. It would work itself out for that happy outcome. But you could start feeling afraid at the start when things get manifested. Declare to the universe 'I release the need to be afraid of my own good.' Stay happy everyone. Live for you.
Whatever I have read till now says that men love to be the Hero. I wonder how true that is. I made him the Hero of my life, I always had a lot of respect for him and cared for him. So where does this fit in? If its being the hero in the girl's eyes that matters, he knew he had it even after the break up. Aah forget it.
KC said:
Whatever I have read till now says that men love to be the Hero.
Just for the record....I don't want to be anyone's hero.
I just want someone who is honest, adventurous, open-minded, and doesn't care what her girlfriends think...I don't want your typical "chick."
Still waiting...may have to create a test tube baby in the lab, or a cyborg.
Lol one who doesn't care about what other chicks say might happen but one who doesn't listen to them at all isn't possible I guess. For that matter scott just to play devil's advocate don't guys also give into peer pressure? Honestly I feel the bane of human life is comparison, the measurement of one's worth with respect to someone else. And what's worse comparison is taught to us from the cradle itself.
Dont know if guys want to be the hero , there is this beautiful song by enrique eglesias which i love and its titled"Hero", so what does it say?????????????
Anyways , we girls amke our guys hero and my guy wanted to be everyone's hero, a guy who was helping everyone and to whom people can say that he is such a sweet person who is so helpful, and he never helped me when i required it, even wen i got bad news last year in my work, he just drove away and i was crying.
Gud foru S.Williams, to think like that, i never bothered what my friends or peers used to say,i was bothered about my bf and he was bothered about what people used to say and i think i am not the typical chick my guy thought i was and that was disturbing to him coz he thought i wud change for him if i wanted to get married to him and if i loved him seriously enuf.
Sometimes being different doesnt work coz guys expect us to behave like all d girls do!!!
My ex used to ask me wat i like abt him even if he was elder to me by 6 yrs, was bald and had a slight beer belly? and i was like i love u d way u r and guess wat he cudnt digest it as he was insecure coz i look gud now that i am aware of it.
So thats it.
Aah don't know why but these days in the mornings I wake up with a missing him feeling and feel like reconnecting. But read Steve's post now and I do know reconnecting now might end up in something like that. I wonder if he never misses me at times but actuakly he does miss me I know it. He is just quite proud and has decided in his mind that what he is oing is right. Yesterday a friend of mine told me of another friend of his who lives in a different city and how he saw me on tv and really liked my work. This other guy even spoke to me on phone. It felt nice. I just thought that no matter what happens m always gonna be more famous than my ex. They say a lot of people have talent but what pays more is discipline towards that talent, which any day I know I have more of. So I wondered at that time would I want to be with a guy who probably was always insecure about the fact that I might be better than him?
Another question for all of you. Ever played a game of cards with a kid? Initially to get him interested in the game most of us adults would let him win the games. He gets into the game and plays it till he is winning. But say somewhere in the middle you win two games in a row, what does a child do? He throws away his cards, sulks, cries says he hatesd the game and stomps off. Then maybe he would sulk for hours and refuse to talk to mama or even have food coz mama defeated him. He might go hungry that night but the next morning stomach growling and false pride battered he realises he can't do without mama and comes back begging for food isn't it? Somehow yesterday while I was thinking of something this analogy dstruck me about most of our exes. If u remember having done this to ur mama, u wud remember tht she paid even less attention to u then and just went abt her work till u went crawling back.
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KC said:
For that matter scott just to play devil's advocate don't guys also give into peer pressure?
I don't know, I never dated a guy, and I don't play to, either.
All I know is that there is this unwritten law passed from "chick" to "chick" that says if there is another woman in the same house with a man (especially one with history) that guy is off limits.
I went through this shit time and time again trying to meet women through online dating services.
Every woman cries about finding a loyal man they can trust, and then when they find one the don't have the "guts" to cross the "chick rules" line and be with him.
That's what I mean about having to do what her "flock" tells her to do (listening to her friends)..."no guts" "no glory"...no happy ending.
I help other people get their lives, and ex's back, but I would not be considered a "date-able" man because of my living situation...WTF is up with that?
If some woman started dating me she would either have to:
A. Lie to her cronies (friends,family) or...
B. Hear all the negative shit from them about how I am going to go back to my ex wife (that's a fucking laugh), and she would be left out in the cold.
I don't think guys tell other guys shit like that, I don't really know because I don't hang out with "the guys" anymore, and even if I did I wouldn't let them tell me what to do.
I don't need friends for the sake of having friends, I had those kind and they were all kicked to the curb because they stole, and lied to me, and were just plain assholes.
I can't afford those kind of friends anymore I am a parent.
A good friend is as hard to find as a good woman, maybe one day I will find both at the same time.
Now you know what I meant by a woman who isn't lead around by her "chick" friends.
I love that line "where are all the good men?"
They're out there, but when opportunity knocks you have to have the guts to answer the door, not wait to ask your friends what they think you should do.
KC said:
I wake up with a missing him feeling and feel like reconnecting. But read Steve's post now and I do know reconnecting now might end up in something like that.
Steve moved too quickly...he wasn't ready, and she sure as shit wasn't ready either.
30 days is just not enough time.
I don't know about the other chicks much too coz I don't hang out with them lol. I hang ouyt more with guys than girls have always been that way. But yeah I would admit to women feeling insecure if there is another woman in the picture. Ur arrangement with ur ex wife would seem weird to a lot of people. But I feel that if a woman waits to know u long enough she would stick around. Right from the time a woman is born she is conditioned to look upon men suspiciously. Blame bilogy for it. The thing is its not just women, even men tell women that other men are dogs or whatever shit. My father told me that, a lot of my friends told me that and even my ex's friend who has now become a close friend told me that I was way too genuine with my ex and let him be, the exact words were you are a woman you should have done some drama and u are expected to be controlling to a certain extent. Now that is something I always thought put men off. So even m confused about some men who keep saying they hate controlling women but if a woman let them be what they are, they trample upon her.
Referring to what u are saying Scott, there are many men here especially in India, who are as insecure as the women u r talking about. They keep their wives hidden and don't let them talk to other guys. If even a guy approaches them on their own, these men blame their women for being wily and attracting unnecesaary attention.
I don't know about others but I do believe in one thing, when it comes to relationships its better to listen to someone from the opposite sex than ur own sex coz most times ur girlfriends have gone through similar shit but never learnt a thing. Not evryone is like the men and women on this forum whop want to learn from their mistakes. Most people end up living a life of mistakes. Whew that was long. But its nice knowing ur views on chick talk scott, reaffirms certain rules I made for myself and also teaches me new things about what guys think about women
Gaah m falling sick. Cold and flu like. And it sort of depresses me feeling sick. But I will get out of it. I stay strong and get out of this illness without a hitch. I keep feeling upbeat despite the sickness. I am feeling well in my heart and my body follows the instructions of my subconscious. I am fine and I keep healthy.
I purge all negative thoughts that might come up while I feel sick. I have an inner strength that battles all of this out and keeps me happy and healthy. And I have lots of people who take care of me when I fall sick, they shower affection and take time out to give me a hug, spread some cheer and make me feel good.
KC said:
she is conditioned to look upon men suspiciously. Blame bilogy for it.
No, I would blame that on society, and now the media.
It is nothing more than misinformation passed down like so many of the century old "myths" people lead their lives by.
It is just like when people believed the world was flat...someone had to sail around the world to prove these idiots wrong...but who would risk going off the edge of the world?
When this handed down fear and the myths about relationships finally gets laid to rest, maybe men and women can at last have enriched relationships.
Until then we have to live by what Oprah, or any of the other media hags tells the "women" to do.
These billionaire bitches are using women to get rich.
As long as people still listen to the "experts" tell you the world is flat...everyone one will be stuck on the isle of Fear.
I set sail from that island a long time ago.
Turn off the TV and turn on your mind, start using more than the 10% the average person uses.
Stay Real!
KC said:
they shower affection and take time out to give me a hug, spread some cheer
If they hug you when you're sick, they are spreading more than "cheer", they're spreading your cold as well.
They should wait until after you're well to give you a hug.
Being sick sucks. Suddenly all the feelings I had pushed away seem to come back a little. I feel like calling him. But even when I was in a relationship and had been sick he hadn't come down to see me. He had work and other stuff. When I had asked later he had said it genuinely was not possible so he didn't come. He has his family here so he doesn't really need me when he is sick but everytime he was sick he had called me and I used to talk to him nicely and cheer him up. Couldn't visit him coz his family was there and he hadn't told them anything about me. But in the weeks that I was sick he couldn't come and only came when I said I was going back home to get well. And the last time he called was also when he was sick. I didn't py much attention then and all the drama later on with fb deletion happened. I feel like contacting him but I know m weak right now and would get emotional. I have forgiven him for most everything but can't seem to forgive him for not being around when I was sick that still is stuck in the back of my mind. Maybe coz it reminded me of mom. My mom was always distant even when I was sick and needed her the most. I generally find myself alone when m sick. And now that I live alone in a different city, well I just gotta battle it all myself.
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