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Free Break up Help, Relationship Advice, and Plan to Get Your Ex Back
It is rubbish being ill alone, it makes me depressed too! But when you feel better physically you will feel better mentally too. Get lots of sleep and look after yourself.
just try and stay positive, remember you will get over feeling sick, juts like you will get over the feelings of your ex
Spreading my cold lol Scott. U r right about that but actually its an affirmation that I wrote coz well u need hugs the most when u r sick isn't it?
This place is like family to me all of u guys are there whenever I need people. Thank u all so much. I do feel loved and cared for here. That's what one wants after all isn't it?
KC said:
coz well u need hugs the most when u r sick isn't it?
No, actually you need rest, and plenty of fresh fruit and veggies.
It would be even better if you juiced the fruit and veggies so your digestive system won't have to work so hard, and your internal energy can focus on healing your body.
You need a hug when you feel lonely, as long as it isn't one of those "fake" hugs...why bother, right?
Stay Strong and Get Better!
Still unwell thinking of taking the weekend off from work. Read dragon's post and frankly share his sadness. Read Bak's post and felt we give way too much prominence to sex in religion and let sex define the course of relationships. That is such a narrow view if the sanctity of a relationship is defined by just one aspect of it. I do believe in sex after marriage for health and other reasons but u can't let it define ur worth or lack of it. If god really hated sex that much he wouldn't have made it the way mankind procreates. I hope m not offending anyone's religious sensibilities here.
Was a fucking tiring day at work. Got the blame for someone else messing up. But gave it back good too so its even now. Just wanna my head to stop hurting and my throat to feel ok. Missed ex yesterday. Today was too busy or pissed off or sick by turns to miss anything but my health. Stay happy all of you and don't let conventionals ideas let you question your self worth. Remember most of the people who made those ideas are dead and gone thousands of years ago.
i second you on your ideas of religion. I just feel they are horribly outdated and out of touch with modern life. But thats just my opinion. hope you get better soon KC
Maybe its the sickness that is pulling me down but feeling miserable. I so want to talk to him and ask him why did he fuck my mind up like this. It seems like I am living a lie trying to be happy with my situation when actually my faith in people and love has gone low. Actually I used to be naïve and I guess now I have just become disillusioned. Wtf he could always call me when he was sick that was how he called the last time we spoke too but I never got that consideration. I want to scream and shout at him let oyt my anger at him. God I am not getting past the old relationship why why the hell. I fucked up too I know and now it seems like life is making a mockery of me laughing at how I fucked up. Happened to look at his newspaper. He had done a special report today. It shouldn't have mattered but it did that he seemed to be doing better at work infact even better. He always was good and one of the last conversations we had had he had told me that he was getting behind in work and that I should also stop thinking of the relationship and work. Yeah right, if ur work was so important why the fuck did u string me along for so many months? Why remember ur career was more important than love so late? Shouldn't you have thought of that before you kissed me and told me that you had never loved anyone so intensely before? I always was your shoulder to cry on but whenever in life I have needed a shoulder where are all these people I helped? Fuck I am going down the negativity again. I have been trying hard with my job for so long but now I shall make something move. I have always been a winner and I will be this time too. I just want to stop caring about him.
Ok just needed to vent phew.
Venting is good KC. Get it all out. This is the place to do it. Most of us (if not everyone) know exactly what you going through!!
Be strong and have faith in yourself and your plan!!! The plan will do whatever you tell it to do as long as you believe in it and yourself!! Stop doubting yourself.
xx
Thanks Girlie that in essence is my problem self doubt. But today is a new day. Feeling tad better though still resting. Guess this sickness was just my resistance to change coz I have been putting affirmations into practice and feeling good about it. Anyways universe I know I gave into a little bout of negativity but what is unusual this time around is thatt you and I know that negative thoughts are powerless. I easily replace them with my positive thoughts of self belief. I am good and I know my ex misses me. Wherever he goes he isn't going to find another person who understood him like me and he knows it well. Universe I know he is sifting through some mental dust and I can see it being taken off from his conscience. He is dusting it all off just as I am dusting off the negativity. I am feeling much better and I am a confident person who has many friends. I am my own person and I am loved a lot by everyone. I am good so of course I get what I want including my ex. My ex is seeking me out I know it and I trust the universe to bring him to me in the fastest and most effective way.
I'm glad you didn't try to reconnect KC...I don't believe your ready.
I know being sick and in the bed doesn't make your thoughts any better of your ex but you've got to let him go Sweetie. I read this quote somewhere in this forum...
............."Did you know that contrary to popular belief, you can change other people-simply by changing yourself".
I think and read this quote all the time. When I am down I think to myself......"self, he would want me if I was better with myself...so I can't act needy or desperate for him, I must change for myself first"......then I JUST DO IT!
KC, don't beat yourself up.....it's not worth it. Get him out of your mind, he is a parasite in your mind...don't feed the parasite with negative words or it will grow.
Think positive, be optimistic....when the parasite comes into your mind....get it out immediately! Keep practicing this routine....I know you can make this happen for you.....if I can do it you can to!
Get Well Soon and Take Care of Yourself!
Thx FFU I was just in bed and realised holding a grudge is so painful. Maybe m trying to prove something to myself by getting him back. I don't really think of him that much anymore. Its just that its Feb and we met last Feb. I am holding on to a lot still not really forgiving some things. Its just that I feel that I should maybe just tell him I forgive him and let him off the hook. Not to say that I will start a different relationship again. Just to forgive him and tell him have a good life. Then no contact again. Anyways I just expected too much from him and letting go hasn't come easy to me. Do you guys think I should just write a forgive you note to him? Universe m willing to let go and to change and I trust u to help me in this process.
hmmmmmm..........but do you really forgive him in your heart?
I read the only way to let go is to forgive. But you still have anger towards him, therefore your not done forgiving? So don't tell him you forgive him until you truly forgive him in your heart.
I think if you email him now it will make you look desperate.....(just my opinion). Keep working on yourself and let the forgiveness come natural.....that's what I do!
I know it's hard with Valentines Day coming up. I can tell you I KNOW it will be difficult for me but I will NOT break my NC under any circumstances......Not even Valentines Day as special as it is! I have been preparing myself for this day for a while so I am going to be strong and sail through it with NC.
It's his turn to feel what I have felt during the end of our relationship. If he doesn't feel it and if he is not evolving, or evolving with his secretary then so be it.....I really don't care!
Try to deal with this holiday before hand.....have a plan, stick to it and you will sail through it also. I am here for you!
Stay with it KC! Your doing so very WELL :)!
Don't bother about Vday. M working that day
its not a holiday for journalists especially in a country where right wing frowns upon Vday celebrations. FFU spoke to my counsellor and now feeling better. Yeah it would come across as desperate and truth be told I don't need him. I can find people. Universe I declare that I am learning to be patient and more loving with myself. I forgive myself for everything and I am out of the bargaining stage in this relationship. I know he is bound to contact me one day but I am much stronger and can banish all limiting thoughts of him. He probably feels he has made no mistake and that I was childish in feeling bad about the break up. I deserve someone who takes care of me and someone who inspires my own strength not a parasite you are right FFU he is a parasite in my life. I better get him out.
I just realised something that most people are not as put together as they would like us to believe. There is this colleague of mine who appears quite strong and all. She ended a bad relationship with her boyfriend a few months ago. She has been single since and she had been helping me a lot during the break up. And then a few weeks ago she said she had found someone I was happy for her. Then when after sme more days I spoke to her she says the guy was very clear a few days later that he can't have a relationship but the relationship like behaviour was continuing. That very day infact she was going on a date with him. I warned her though that this might be a messy situation but she said she would handle it. Somehow it seemed she was just holding on coz there was no one else right now in her life with whom she would go to the movies or anywhere else. There was no other reason I could see why an intelligent girl like her would keep having friendly dates with someone who had clarified he couldn't be in a relationship. I feel m better than that. I am atleast ok with living with myself if things are not perfect. Settling is not an option for me and I guess that's a good thing. Major thing I need to do is stop beating myself up coz of my perfectionism. All is well in my world.
K m like marathon posting today coz m sicvk and at home with nothing better to do lol. Anyways m laughing at my temporary insanity. FFU this seems just like u the other day. Girlie is right about my self doubt. When u r in self doubt you kose the battle before u even start so self doubt you are henceforth banished from entering my mind.
I know I still get angr and that is a drain. For all I know my ex is just getting on with life and not missing me at all. I came close to breaking NC in my sickness but how pathetic that would have been. Thing is he still has a hold on my thoughts and I need to get it out. I am able to now objectively look at my parents and not let their emotional outbursts affect me. I gotta get to that place with ex. Soon it will be a year to the day we met. How time flies. Last year we had thought of spending Vday together. It would have been the first time both of us would have celebrated it in our life. Let go let go is the mantra. The way I see it, I am perfectly fine most of the time and I believe m in the last stages of letting go and that is why sometimes guilt or something else seems to be rearing up the things in my head. Resentment is a waste of time and I intend to disolve it for my wn good.the forgiveness the letting go is all for me and only me. Spoke to my counsellor today and he told me that ex wasn't really involved or that he doesn't think that he made any mistake anyways so he won't contact till he realises. I know it what I don't know is whether I want someone coz they realised they had been foolish or coz they did love me. Anyways right now time for patience, lots of soup and some medicines. Flu like symptoms suck. I am well and all is well around me. I am good and I am changing for the better. I realsied some more things today. I dpnt get upset anymore if people don't respond to calss, as upset a little but I don't start thinking that people are ignoring me. I just tell myself if they are ignoring then fuck them I have other people for me. So yeah in some ways m evolving quite a bit. I am letting go of my fear of being alone and telling myself I can survive and be happy with myself. I am whole and complete. Yes I know that now.
Yep KC, anger is a drain....but I do it to! It can suck the energy right out of you and make you not evolve.
But anger seems to be a good aspect too....I have used the anger in a positive way, just don't dwell on the anger KC it will only make you worse.
And I think your ex misses you.....I promise he does! He won't admit his mistakes like SW said in reigs post today and like you said in your above post.
I know my ex won't EVER admit his mistakes.....or at least I can't see him ever doing it. He is to good for that!
Anyways, Keep taking care of yourself KC. Stay strong with your affirmations on yourself and let them lead the way for you!
Ok today again I realised that I have grown strong, really stronger. I don't worry much about what my mom thinks of me not reacting to all that they say. I talk to them if I want to and I talk to them like an adult, like equals. I do get angry at times but I don't stay down for days together. I get over it within a few hours. I get the best of things done. I was sick this time but not as miserable about my loneliness as I used to be earlier. Had I not been so aware of my loneliness at that time, I think I wouldn't have dated my ex. I was always my own person, but earlier I used to complain about it now I am learning to be at peace with it. I am doing my very best in everything in life and I am proud of who I have become and its all thanks to my own hard work, no cheating, no ass licking anywhere. I am where I am as myself.
Hey KC,
Anger's a bitch, but it's good to go through it. I'm still burning random shit I find that reminds me of my ex. I found a whole stack load of pictures of trips we took together, went outside, poured some lighter fluid on then and watched them burn.
It felt real good and I walked away not feeling angry anymore. Yeah, it comes and goes. It's a good and healthy process. Try not to hold it in and just let it pass through you. The more we do it, the more we get closer to real forgiveness and true happiness.
Hope you're feeling better.
M
U know what the truth is its not him, its the fucking loneliness that's the problem. Its why I ended up giving so much importance to him and to love. The city I live in is very much like LA in every aspect. U know what the fucking problem is, I have been looking at the wrong places for affection. Except for two people I know no one has bothered to find out how m doing. One is a girlfriend and the other is a guy who I have met recently. He is such a successful guy been the captain of a national sports team and is now running a sports firm. He is busy all the time and yet he messaged me to keep a chekc on me when I said I wasn't well. Msgd me 2-3 times a day. He is the busiest guy I know and yet he could find time, those are the people I need. My ex and other so called friends are never there when needed so what's the point? I can't get over the fakeness around. That's what is depressing. I had thought ex would walk the talk but he took what he wanted and didn't give when it was most needed. He wasn't so initially but I guess it was coz he wanted me then, the moment I was his, the hunt was over, he went on to take me for granted. I need more people like this sportsperson in my life. He has no need to keep in touch with me. He could get any girl he wanted and he belongs to a very well to do family. And yet this is humility and humaneness when u keep a chk on some person coz u know they are alone in the city and sick. Universe I know I am now in the process of receiving more such people in my life. Those who don't care and are selfish leave my life now and all those who care and like me make my life richer and more beautiful. I am surrounded by genuine care and affection. I am surround by people who love me truly. All those who wish to just use and abuse perish now and I release the need to attract people who abuse me emotionally.
A friend who had broken up around the same time as me has got back with his ex. They had very little NC and they have got back saying we will enjoy the present fuck the future. Don't think that is healthy enough. What do u guys say? Saddened me a bit that both of them atleast seemed to have the same depth of feeling. He asked me why I wasn't getting back? I said u can't force people to love u. Anyways I think both of tem just settled coz they were tired of the pain. The whole point here is not to settle isn't it and go for the gold. I want commitment present, future and all of it. So yeah I won't settle. The sickness sort of weakened me a lot and I waned badly to contact. But I won't.
Agreed. I've done it in the past and at first, it feels great and you feel that the bond is stronger. But once that feeling passes, you're not left with much but the feeling that it was a mistake. And in the end, it feels like you've drained everything from the relationship.
NC and evolution is the way to go. It's the only way. My thoughts have now turned from "this is the worst breakup I've ever gone through" to "this is the best thing that's happened to me in a while". Although breakups will always hurt, this process that we're all going through here has taught me a lot about myself and the process of evolution in relationships.
Keep going and don't give in!
M
Thanks Wringo for the insight. It makes me feel better about my decision.
Stay strong KC - you are doing just fine. Anyone that settles for less than what they truly desire is letting themselves down. How will you ever reach the stars if you are only aiming for the rooftops. Hang on to your dreams and follow them to the ends of the earth and one day your dreams will become reality. Be happy on your journey and look back on your mistakes and heart breaks as the things that made you into who you are today. Promise yourself you will always be the best you can be. Sending some flu banishing karma your way.
xox
Thanks Wringo for the insight. It makes me feel better about my decision.
M sorry people I goofed up. After two months I sent him a msg for the first time that I was sick and lonely. Scott you could ban me for this. There was no response to the msg of course. But in some way this cold heartedness of his might just help me put an end to thinking of him. Maybe now I can learn to let go. Guess I was holding on coz I had put in so much into the relationship that I wanted it to work badly. My counsellor and my friend said that too that it was now like some challenge to me. Well I shall just ask god to grant me the serenity to accept things I can't change. I hope from today on this process in my mind would be about me and just me. M sorry once again for disappointing you all and myself.
=( KC... I'm so sorry to hear that. You haven't disappointed me, and you certainly can't let yourself be disappointed. Just learn from your mistakes, and get right back on the right track. You're too strong to let this hold you back, and I know you won't. Never stop being better for yourself.
Hey KC, just read wat u wrote, i know we do things like this wen we are all lonely and sad and want d one whom we love to comfort us.
I too wanted to write a letter to my ex but then i am thinking that if he does not care for me, why should i care for him? right? and dis sms should not stop ur evolution, i know suffering from cold can make our minds act in strange way but dont worry, be happy and remember the song from 3 idiots : Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance for i wanna grow up once again, saari umar hum ro-ro ke jiye, ab to hamein jeene do jeene do!!!!
So cheer up lady, u r dloing great!!!!
TC& GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
KC said:
A friend who had broken up around the same time as me has got back with his ex. They had very little NC and they have got back saying we will enjoy the present fuck the future.
That sounds like friends with benefits to me.
KC said:
Anyways I think both of tem just settled coz they were tired of the pain.
Pain?
This is just a little growing pain.
Please, if a heart break is going to do you in, you need to toughen up, because their are worst things coming down the line...believe me.
Wait until there are children involved...something bigger than the both of you...then you will know sacrifice.
Pain...this isn't shit.
Challenges either "make you" or "break you", and life is one long series of challenges and decisions...get used to it.
All this fucking drama makes me laugh.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, it doesn't do any good, unless you get off on self pity.
I do need to toughen up Scott u r right. Its just been so long of being a good girl, please all, I don't really know how to live life on my own terms. You are right its friends with benefits coz I got to know the girl apparently couldn't make it to some course she wanted to attend and so she is back for a diversion ha how great is that?
Anyways I agree kids and stuff is much tougher and I have seen people hold the bitterness forever. I guess m bound to my ex not coz I love him anymore but probably I have never really tried hard for anything so much that isn't working. Usually when I have really worked at stuff I have got it done. So yeah I guess I was hanging on to some false hope this time. The focus needs to shift back to me. In a way its good I could see how cold hearted someone could be. Maybe now I can move on.
Someone said that I need to find my anger. And its true I was angry but it was mostly self directed, even the anger I felt for him I always rationalised it saying gosh he has had a tough life blah blah. Not anymore. I need to put my foot down with my emotions. I control my emotions and I shall take ownership of the fact that I had been wasting my life for no apparent reason. Now I need to get down to work for me, on me.
Good day after a long time. Joined back work but had dizzy spells in the morning. A bit better now. Till I sent him that message, I still had given him some benefit of doubt. But now, no way. I might still miss him but I will remind myself that his frigging pride is so huge that he doesnt care whether I am alive or dead. So go soak your head ex. Sent out my CV to a lot of places today, lets see if there is some response, getting tired with my place of work, been years that I have been here. I was angry but I was always still excusing him and now I dont do that. Amazing how finding and justifying your anger in your mind lets you become more objective about the whole thing. Yes, his life had been shit and he had suffered, but since I was not the cause of any of it, I shouldnt be the one bearing the consequences. Work situation is what needs to improve now. Economy is still bad and there are job freezes, but who knows it just might be my time. Anyways, what I am happy about is that I have stopped making excuses for people, be it ex or my parents, no more taking bad behaviour with the small voice in the head saying that they love me. If they love me they better treat me right. Scott, sorry to hear about your internet problems, all this network programming is pretty messy business. Hope you get what you want from the new guys
Feeling sort of blank. Like nothing remains anymore. Aah just get on with life KC. Lots more to do.
Hey KC!
With the right frame of mind, you'll be able to find the job you're looking for. There are jobs out there. I found myself jobless and almost homeless when my ex broke up with me (she had a job I didn't\she paid for the apartment). I moved out the same day, found an apartment, made a deal with the owner to split the first month rent between the rest of the year, and found an awesome job within a month. Just keep believing and you'll find what you're looking for.
Get up each morning, take a deep breath, and be thankful for what you have! You're doing good and no one is going to think any less of you for the goof up, we've all done it at some point. As long as you learn from it, you've evolved.
Cheers and good luck!
M
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Well so here I am. Thinking of mailing my super boss. Need to get stuff done at the work place. Can't take things lying anymore in any area of my life. Need to crack it somewhere.
What would you people say? Was it too much to ask for a commitment (not marriage, just a commitment to give me priority over other friends), within six months? I was giving as much space as possible and had never demanded anything. All I wanted was to be treated with some respect and be given priority. Is that too much to ask if someone says that you are the only person they loved so intensely and all of those promises were not being actualised in action? I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to love, I believe in all or nothing. I cant be doing everything like a couple with no thought of any permanence. Wonder if that is where I went wrong. Should I be more like the rest and say fuck the future lets be enjoying each other in the present even if the days come few and far and between? Confused guys. Let me know what you think. Advice appreciated.
On another note, my primary concern now is my job and I have now mostly stopped thinking about getting back. Dont know if its good or bad. Just feel its practical right now, there are many more things to mend than a broken heart right now.
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And to admit, i am of the same kind too.
Its our Indian culture and what i heard one day from someone saying it to another guy in my office was like this" girlfriend should be of our choice and wife should be of our parents choice" See how double standard males can be in our country.
And there is nothing wrong in looking for emotional security and permanence in a relationship coz we are not here to vile away our time with any tom , dick or harry.
We are precious and our time and feelings too are precious, and let our thinking be old fashioned, but we are what we are!!!
Aand yes having our jobs adds to our value as an independent being capable of taking our decisions and fighting it out in the corporate world.
So concentrate on your job, which i too am doing now and be happy !!
And if u r fond of movies , go and see MNIK, and let d extremists and left wings do their job, enjoy d movie, for i am a Shahrukh Khan fan!!!
Chill and do something new.
Find a new hobby, just do something new in your job too.
In a lot of ways m over him and there is a strange sadness that I feel. Not painful sadness just sadness. A little bit of wish it had worked out. I love him still, somehow can't kill the love. God save me coz I know that in some ways I am still all soft if he even comes and touches me. I can't forget the chemistry, but m dealing with it, dealing with being single. I still can't think of me or him with anyone else but maybe one day I might do that too. What's silly is that I still feel that life without him would probably be a compromise and I do not want to just settle. I can't reconnect on my own anymore. And he is too proud to come back right now. As of now there doesn't seem much hope. Anyways work is taking up a lot of time and I plan to meet someone tonight.
Its valentines day. And who should I spot on this day while on an assignment? Of course the ex. He walked away ignoring me. For a while I felt like asking him to get all of his hurt out, to get all the anger out. But I guess that's exactly what he wants me to do. He wants me to beg and plead him. And hence I won't. M sure he would expect it now coz I messaged just a few days ago. Wow how many tricks ur mind can play on u when u r in love. I actually considered asking him to get all of his hurt out for more than 20 mins before I realised that that's exactly what he wants. I have made my move. Now no more and strangely reality doesn't have the same effect as your memory. M learning I guess. Tomorrow if someone will regret not making any move, it will be him. I shall be happy by then.
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