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* Rox's NC Diary *
(50 posts) (16 voices)-
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Posted 1 month ago Rox
offlineMemberMy Bf & I broke up a 1 1/2months ago after 18 months together. We were in NC for the most part, and he mailed me a few times although I didn't respond, but I screwed up when I found out he had a new girlfriend. No crying and pleading, no asking for him to come back, but I said I'd wait for him (huge mistake) cause he kept sending mixed signals and I got emotionally confused and panicked.
I found this blog last week and decided to send the NC message and follow the Free Plan. I was quite aprehensive about the NC message at 1st. But I must say it's quite powerful! The more I read it (and trust me, I read it dozens of times), the more it makes sense.
This is my 1st day after I sent the NC message. I was hoping he would answer but he didn't so far. I don't expect him to. So I stopped hitting "refresh" on my email
It's not being that hard for me as we haven't spoken for about a week, and only spoke 2 or 3 times in the last 1 1/2months and chatted on Msn once. I'm sure he's confused about my "sudden change" of MO and that this message hit him like a ton of bricks.I have the flu so I'm not going out tonight but I may invite a friend and watch a Dvd. I'm slowly starting to use my thoughts on more productive things than him. It's hard but I believe I'm on the right track. Tomorrow's another day.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago #-
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHey Rox,
Get Well Soon (over the flu)!
The recommend NC message if VERY powerful. It's actually kinda awesome the way it works....... it makes your ex leave you alone so you can find yourself. And believe me, finding yourself is our goal. I am still a work in process but in 2 weeks I have came very far.
Keep reading this forum, it strengthens me every time I do :)!
Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberDay 2
Thanks Finally, I feel better today indeed!Today was a little harder than yesterday. It was a slow day as I'm still recovering from the flu so I only went out to grab some coffee. He was on my mind a lot. I'm sure tomorrow will be better...
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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Rox
offlineMemberUpdate:
He just texted me saying "We've been through so much I'd still want us to be friends".
Ok I don't want to reply and break NC (again!) so I'll just ignore it... right????
Thanks for your encouragement FFU, I will make it! It was just a not so good day ahhh.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
lka
offlineMemberThat would be the NC message's effect on him talking:) He is just trying to test you, to see if you really don't want contact with him. My ex did the same thing when I sent it, he wanted to make sure we were friends. Don't make the same mistake I did, and answer him. This is your chance to be strong and not answer:)
Some days will be good, and some days will be very hard, but you will slowly start feeling better and realize that you can be happy without him. Like everybody writes, stay strong! That is my motto now.
Posted 1 month ago # -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberHey Rox,
Don't text him back. That will break NC and you will have to start over again. Take it from me.....YOU DON'T WANT TO START OVER AGAIN....it makes the entire process longer!
Also, read the plan about the "friends zone". SW explains why you don't want to be in that zone. It's real important for you to know this info at your stage.
In conclusion, Why is he texting you when you sent the recommended NC? You asked him to "please do not contact me during this time and that you will contact him when you are ready". He is already disrespecting you by contacting you when you asked him not to! If you want it to work between the two of you....don't text him back, EVER...he is pushing you to do so and follow the plan! It's that simple!
This NC is about finding YOU! Read the Plan!
Keep up the GOOD WORK ROX!!!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago Rabbit
offlineMemberKeep it up, Rox ~ you will be able to make it. My ex told me the same thing when we broke up and even when I tried to reconnect..."Even though for now I cannot commit with you, I really want to be a very good friend with you!". I cut him off totally...I know it is going to be hard, but we will stay strong...do not break your NC before he called/text you...Keep evolving.
Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMemberDay 14 of NC
Day 6 since I sent the NC messageI'm not going to lie... it's been a rough couple of days. I think things happened in reverse with me. After the breakup I really didn't want him back. I was comfortable and totally fine with it. It took me a whole month to start panicking! He kept trying things to get my attention and bring me back the next few weeks, but I ignored them. Honestly I regret not fighting for him then, cause we'd be together now, but if I had gotten back to him we would break up again soon cause we weren't ready. It happened a few times before and I have perfect conscience of that. After a month I realised I really wanted him. But, he was with another girl already. I freaked out and mailed him saying I love him but I'm letting him go. He mailed me back saying he won't forget about us but she's wonderful to him. And we'd be friends if I let him be. I mailed back a short sentence wishing them all the best.
Anyway, it's been 14 days since we were in touch last. I sent the NC message 6 days ago. He sent me an email wanting to be friends. I didn't reply. I managed to put a hidden map tracker on my FB profile. I know he visits my profile every day and so does Ms. Wonderful Rebound. They've only been together for 2 weeks and they're going away for the weekend together already. Ok I admit, I've been spying a bit on his profile. And he's making sure I know of their plans together. What an asshole! It's my fault anyway for checking anyway. But I'm gonna be honest - I'm in total panick. It's the day before they go spend that wonderful weekend. And he mails me the day before (today) saying he's busy on the weekends but if I want to have language practice with him on Msn (he was teaching me russian) on Monday, he is available? WTF? Shouldn't he be thinking of his big weekend instead of checking my profile and leaving me messages the day before? What part of "don't contact me" don't you understand, sweetcheecks? I feel like replying to him - F*** Y**. Should I reply saying something like *thanks but it's just not convinient for me* or just leave it? Considering I was the one who asked to practice 2 weeks ago...
I have been crying and it's hurting so much, you know how it is. I guess I'm paying for that first month when I was totally fine and now everything is falling on me. It's being a slow process for me but I know it's only been 1 week since I officially sent the NC message.
I have started taking my drivers licence and it's taking my mind off him. I'm also planning going out with the girls on Saturday... I know it's gonna be a suicide weekend for me if I stay home, I'll go insane thinking they're together. I'm considering taking yoga lessons to help me relax a bit as I'm a stressed gal... what do you think?
Thanks for listing to my babble. It's hard for me to talk to my friends about this.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
dragonkidd15
offlineMemberhey rox,
I see that you ex is trying his best to let you know what he is up to...you know why? coz he's trying to make you jealous...it's silly, i know...but wonder why he goes through all the lengths to do this? well, it's basicly to get back at you coz you probably pissed him off when you ignored his attempts to have you back. Thats a good thing!... if you remember the opposite of love is not hate but indifference... so he still has a soft spot for you but it's all bruised up as of now...it will heal in time and when it does he will come to realize that Ms. rebound is just...well, a rebound...
you know how to get back at ex'es that make you jealous? it's to get you life back and improving it then shoving it down their throat!
oh yeah, keep up that good work...your on the right track!
Lyf is GOOD!
Posted 1 month ago # -
dragonkidd15 said:
you know how to get back at ex'es that make you jealous? it's to get you life back and improving it then shoving it down their throat!That's Right!
Great Advice DK! (Thumbs High)
The best revenge is to keep on evolving.
You can use your ex's negative/jealous bullshit as motivation to stay on track.
It is almost like the universe is sending them to help you.
Anger can be a great tool if used correctly.
You think you're the only one panicking, you're wrong your ex is too, whether they show it or not.
The more you evolve, the clearer things will become.
Stay Strong!
Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago daisybo
offlineMemberwow he really is trying to wind you up and get your attention!! Leave him to it for now and concentrate on getting through your pain and improving things in your life. You are being so strong, I am proud of you!!
ps how the hell do you put a secret tracker on FB...i want one!!!
Posted 1 month ago #-
MrEnte
offlineMemberI want a secret tracker as well! Thought it seems they don't exist.
It's hard, but best thing is to stay away from Facebook (for me it was impossible at the begining) now I'm getting better.
You can missunderstand plenty of things from facebook, it's status and messages from a 3rd person.
Try not to get into that game!
Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberThanks for the feedback guys. I have to stop checking his FB, you're so right. It's holding back my evolution big time. It's making me nervous, anxious, panicky and that could so easily be avoided if I just *didn't* check it at all! Now I know he has a new Gf and I didn't have to know! I know I'll check my tracker sometimes, cause it gives me power knowing he's checking my profile every day (and so does Ms. Rebound!)
Now what's curious is that we are in NC since the 14th, I sent the recommended NC message on the 22nd and he chooses the day before the big weekend with Ms. Rebound to reply to me saying we can have language practice on Msn Monday? And made sure I knew he's "busy" on weekends now? Whatever. He's been checking my FB every day, although I haven't been updating it and actually pretty much abandonned my profile there, so it's like I'm nowhere to be found and he has no way of knowing what I'm up to. I think he's starting to be afraid I'm really leaving, or even panicking as well as Scott says. But I still don't have a clear perspective and I may be missinterpreting things wrong or reading too much into it.
I will need to contact him because of a bill we shared but it's nothing urgent yet. Should I wait a few days/a week to contact him about that? I don't want him to think I'm contacting him cause he contacted me.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberThis is his reply in response to my NC message:
"I was without net whole last week, bcs was big snow here and they wasnt able to fix router on the top of the building. Also after that and before I didnt see you on MSN either. Please understand I'm not always available. I am busy during weekends, and we can do some practice from Monday if you want. Let me know about that."
Should I be polite and reply or just ignore it?
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago MrEnte
offlineMemberKeep up and when the time comes, don't show any reaction to the facebook "moves".
Facebook is a game even in life if you think about it. Many people that want to show off different things or that they have a huge amount of friends. Many applications that make them believe their as good as a celebrity, best kissers, etc.
If we are getting along with our lives we shouldn't have time to update facebook, so even if we are at home, feeling sad, we shouldn't update it.
A gentle update once in a while, it's fine
and try not to get into stupid mind-games!
Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMemberCool, I will! He's such a manipulative bastard and I fall for it (almost) every time even though I know what he's trying to do *shakes head.
I must say I feel so relaxed and good after reading Surfiechick's diary. Like if he wants me back, he has to come get me cause it's his loss big time! (and he knows it, or he wouldn't be checking my profile 2h before going on his weekend with Ms Rebound). Let her have him! I can do better! (ok, I hope I still this good tomorrow
)To me inspirational stories aren't the ones where the ex comes back. Inspirational stories are the ones where we can be happy and comfortable with ourselves without making that happiness depend on a jerk! That is what I'm working for, getting the old independent I-don't-need-a-guy-to-be-happy Rox. I know I'll stay strong!
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago finallyfedup
offlineMemberRox said:
To me inspirational stories aren't the ones where the ex comes back. Inspirational stories are the ones where we can be happy and comfortable with ourselves without making that happiness depend on a jerk! That is what I'm working for, getting the old independent I-don't-need-a-guy-to-be-happy Rox. I know I'll stay strong!
Way to say it Rox! Good thinking sista!
Be Smart and don't break NC. You can do this:)!
Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMemberDay 8 of NC
Oh you bet FFU, I won't break it. I see his true colours now and guess what, it's all BLACK lol. He's using the same mind tricks as before. "Please understand I'm not always available?" WTF??? I said "don't contact me (asshole)", I don't give a shit you're not available! But whatever, this is typical. He does this every freaking time so I reply back and explain that's not what I meant. Actually, this pisses me off majorly and it's one of the reasons why I DON'T want him BACK! He thinks he's so smart, well think again and watch me fuck your mind games strategy!
I'm soooo soooo ANGRY today. REAL angry. I'm talking to myself imagining I'm writing to him (lol, sounds funny when you actually say it
), and I'm telling him all the bullshit I had to put up with, all the stuff I did for him that he DIDN'T deserve, how much of a coward he is, ungrateful, manipulative, how beautiful, loving, giving, smart, hot, understanding, supportive, funny I am, how he NEVER deserved my time, my efforts, how he NEVER deserved ME! I've always been so lucky with my boyfriends, I don't need this asshole! He's like the black sheep of my relationships history And I throw in a few screw yous as a bonus!!! Oh how I really want to put all this anger on paper and click the SEND button so he can read it and re-read it a million times and find out what a asshole he is!Grrrrr I'm so mad! It's the first time since we broke up on Dec. 4th that I do feel ANGRY. It's only day 8 since the NC message so I better stay away from my email acount today. I hope ANGER is the stage right before letting go, I hope it isn't like stage 1 and I didn't evolve anything lol. Really, screw him.
Thanks for letting me vent, I feel better already
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
Surfiechick
offlineMemberYayyyy! Way to go Rox. Anger is good. It allows you to vent all your frustrations and misgivings about the perosn who a couple of weeks/days ago was your ideal partner. Embrace the anger, let it out but DO NOT direct any of it his way. Write your letter - then destroy it. He does not need to, nor does he have any right to know how you are feeling. The process of letting go is a mysterious one and you might go through all stages several times. Be prepared to feel like you're going backwards sometimes - but remember that its part of the process and DO NOT GIVE IN OR GIVE UP! I had a bad day yesterday (yes even Surfie has bad days) and was so tempted to break my NC but I didnt, and today I feel stronger again. What he does, where he goes and who he chooses to spend his time with is of no consequence to our own evolution. When the time is right they will come back or we will move on to something better. If he doesnt come back, without you calling and making yourself available, then he doesnt want you enough for you to make him a priority anyway.
Stay Strong Rox - you are doing just fine!
(P.S. - I dont want a facebook tracker thingy - that would drive me bonkers)
you cannot choose how people treat you but you can choose how you reactPosted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberThanks Surfie! I'm still picking myself up so I know I will go through lots of phases and I'm really prepared for them. I know I'll have plenty of bad days ahead of me but I also know I'll have much more good days from now on, thanks to this blog and all of you. I've really learnt a lot, I recognise what I've done wrong, and most of all, I'm re-learning to see myself as a single girl!
Having bad days is just part of the healing process because that takes time, even if we try hard, even if we are doing really well and are happy with ourselves, we all fall sometimes. Guess that makes us human! It's just another obstacle on that road to happiness, and you've come such a long way and doing so well, you're NEVER going back to where you were, or to where I am at the moment. You're just moving ahead! I must say I long for the day I will feel like you and Sunshine, the day I will feel like ME again.
Peeps trust me, you don't want a map tracker. It started out as curiosity and it turned into another hummmm.... addiction. It's *exactly* like checking your cell phone constantly to see if he has called or texted, it's just like checking your email hoping he has written... frankly, it's imprisoning. Sure it does give me some satisfaction to know he checks on me nearly every day... but on the other hand it's also so frustrating when you're hopping to see his city on the list and it's not there. I know it's just a matter of days till I stop checking or remove it completely. It's just a phase. Just like when we stop checking our cell phone and our email - as I have already. I just had to be a smart ass and now I have another thingy to get rid of.
I'm happy he's contacted me and tried to get me to break NC, I'm happy to know he's checking my profile, even right before he's meeting Ms. Rebound. On the other hand, that means absolutely nothing cause he's still with her and not with me and quite frankly, it's pulling me back and not letting me evolve properly cause I keep hanging on to these little meaningless things. I know it. And well, he's not respecting my NC request or taking it very seriously. But he's in for a big surprise, and in the end, I know he's the one that will end up with the short stick (no pun intended
)
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago finallyfedup
offlineMemberOhhhh Good Post Surfie!! I really really understand your post :).
I went through the anger stage.....and still do! I believe it is a part of evolving because I get stronger from it.
I also have wrote him several letters and didn't send them, this works great to get those frustrations out.
These days will happen Rox, some good, some bad, some ok. It happens to all of us. So vent girl, VENT it all out!!!!
We are here to listen :)!Your doing GREAT!:)
Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMemberIt's quite liberating isn't it? I do feel a certain power (but not control) for being angry like this.
I will try your suggestions and actually write the letters, wether I feel angry, sad or even happy. I'm sure they will help a lot. I'm so happy for your support and advice, it means a lot to me.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago Wringo
offlineMemberHey Rox,
I'm in a similar situation.
There's nothing really new to add here but I'll say this:
a) your ex is trying really hard to get your attention just to get you to break NC. You've turned the tables on them, you've rejected them and they can't deal with it.
b) DK is right, just keep on trucking and evolving. Ignore the ex.
c) if you're worried about the rebound, don't be. Because this is all about you. But even if that's not comforting, then keep in mind your ex is in a rebound because he can't deal with the pain of being alone. That, accompanied by his childish behavior should tell you a lot about him.
d) Delete your ex from FB. It will help you get over his updates and all that bullshit. Delete any albums you have together. Un tag yourself from his photos. Delete any emails you guys wrote to each other, in FB and Gmail. Delete your ex from your life! Get rid of reminders and all that. Either delete it or just put it all in a box and give it to one of your friends. Delete their phone number from your phone.
This will all help. It might be scary, but it will feel great once you do it. And don't worry, just because your ex is deleted from everything, doesn't mean that they won't be able to contact you. When they are desperate, they will contact you any way possible. And that time will come, it's not if but when.
d) Last but not least, your ex might try other shit tests for you to break NC, in fact, it's almost a given. DON'T give in no matter what. It will allow you to grow stronger and perhaps they will be able to evolve after some time.
You're on the right track to freedom and we're all here for ya!
Cheers!
M
The good times are starting. Enjoy yourself and this journey.
Cheers!
M
Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMemberDay 9 of NC
Hi Wringo, thanks a lot for your post. I know these things but reading them from someone who has a similar experience and the distance enough from my situation makes me feel so much better and believe it more
Since he broke up with me that he's been trying to get my attention. I ignored most of his attempts. I know he was trying to get me back, but he was never direct or explicit about it, he kept beating around the bush. This irritated me so much. He doesn't fight for love, he expects us to fight for him. Well I said enough to that. His reply to my NC message is a clear example of how he's still trying to get me to break NC and I have perfect conscience of that. I can't and don't want to give in. And I won't. I'm being punished for ignoring his attempts to get me to break down and ask him to get back together, so he can say how wonderful Ms. Rebound is, feed his ego and let me down. No more.
He checks my profile to see if I react to his profile changes (as I have before). He knows my weakness is impatience. What can I do, I'm Aries
But 2 weeks have passed since I last mailed and since I sent the NC message last week he's been expecting me to contact him. I haven't. I stopped logging on my Facebook, I just left. What did that do? Made him disrespect my NC request and mail me as if I hadn't told him anything. I'm catching him offguard as he's not expecting this reaction from me. I stopped showing that I know about what he's been up to. He has no idea what's going on with my life. He wants his control back and I'm certainly not giving it back to him. So he can try as hard as he wants, I won't break NC or show jealousy over his new relationship. Maybe he's starting to be afraid I'm letting it go for good. If he is, perfect.I am worried about the rebound yes. See your girl doesn't like her rebound, but mine does. A lot I think. Feeling bad about it is my responsibility and my punishment for checking his Facebook. So I have no option but stop doing that. It's making me feel anxious and sick. That stops RIGHT NOW. If I don't know, it can't hurt. I'm learning from my mistakes. Last night I deleted him from my skype, msn & email. I know I won't call him or drunk dial so I'll keep his number for now. Facebook is still there for the time being cause I we have a shared bill and next week I'll have to take care of that. After that, he'll be gone from my Facebook as well. But I'm scared of his rebound. I know all about them but I'm terrified that he really falls for her. In that case I still win cause I'd have found the truth about his feelings for me. But... But it's bothering me, especially know when it's the honeymoon stage. Scott told someone else the rebound will only make him miss his ex even more. I want to believe that.
Thanks so much for your advice and all of you for listening to my crap. I hardly talk about my feelings and it's hard for me to open up. I generally face my problems and my pain alone. I'm strong and determined to stick to NC. I feel like contacting him about our shared bill is going to break NC, I don't know why. I wish I wouldn't have to contact him at all. Probably cause I still feel insecure around him and I'm light years from being ready to contact him without further damage to me or us. I may
just pay for the damn thing this month and contact him about it the next. It's okay if he contacts me first about it, but I don't want to contact him first.I went through all emotions today. It was a rollercoaster day! Up and dow, up and dow all day. And it's only 6pm
It takes time I know, I wish I could fast forward 2 months, wouldn't that be good... yeah the lazy approach But it takes work as everything else that's important and in the end, I know it will be so rewarding whatever the end result may be.I'm finding out that helping others not only helps them as it also helps me. Having a clear perspective about other people's situations forces me to follow my own advice (something I've always been terrible at!) So people, help others and you'll be also helping yourself.
Keeping strong
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
helenlo
offlineMemberRox, i understand your worries abt the rebound relationship. I always fear my ex will fall for some girl n then forget abt me. But i think even they're dating someone else, with time they'll begin to see the other person's faults n hopefully they'll start to miss us then! So we need to make sure we're not around or available in the mean time, otherwise that'll really boost their ego, having us around as friends (expect us to be here for them still) while they're out there trying out another relationship. Because they think of us as a back up in a way, if it doesn't work out with another girl, they still have us! That's why we need to disappear from their lives for now!
we need to stay strong Helen x
Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberHi Helen, yes I know it's just a matter of time. I'm so impatient it's unreal. But I'm learning and I'm doing okay so far. I know he misses me a lot. That's why it's crucial I stay away and just disappear from the face of the earth as far as my ex is concerned.
Day 18 of NC
Day 10 since I sent the NC messageI'm calling this episode "No cake for you!"
Addapted from "No soup for you!" (The Soup Nazi Episode) - SeinfeldI feel different today. I feel a change is coming.
Up until now I felt like I was pulling the rope towards me with all my strength, as if my life depended on it. Today I feel like I'm starting to let go of the rope and slowly releasing it. Acceptance? I can't say. What I can say is that today is certainly the 1st day of the rest of my evolution.I have a strange feeling on my stomach. It's not anger, it's not fear, it's not anxiety, or even curiosity. I don't know what it is but it sure is something very different from everything I've been feeling since the break up.
Last night before bed I had a sort of epiphany. For the 1st time in a long time I had an honest conversation with myself. I started questioning things and I wasn't afraid of giving honest answers to myself. I haven't done that for the last 4 or 5 months and it felt good. I asked myself, what am I hanging on to? Was/Is he really that amazing? Has he really done such amazing things for me? Is he really the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? Much to my surprise, I couldn't give these questions a quick answer. I had to think. And after thinking, my first answer to most of these questions was, by the same order, I don't know, No, No, I don't think so. It took me a while to dig something good. Which is strange since our rare fights weren't really that bad. I think we just fell under a routine. I think I'm in love with the memories and the great times. In the cold light of day, that was my conclusion. People say that in time we forget the bad and just see the good. I've being seing all the good till now. What does it mean? I'm not sure. But today I started taking my rose tinted glasses off and started seeing the bad. And realising he's not the one for me.
I'm proud to say that this change is probably due to the fact I deleted him from most places, except FB. And I'm even more proud to say that I'm not tempted to check his FB or Ms. Rebound's. I simply stopped caring what he's doing, when, why and whom with. Deleting them from everything else was a huge step for me. But I must say it was a hard as it was effective and essential. What was I afraid of? To lose him? I already have. Holding on to these things won't bring him back. It's just like building castles in the air. Wringo thanks so much for your advice. They still know how to contact us if they want. Love doesn't disappear because we deleted them. And if it does, it wasn't love in the 1st place. Why would we settle for something that is not love? I've never settled in my whole life. I was never dependent or needy. I always looked for the best for me. So why this now? This feeling of dependency and loss probably derives from the fact I lost my father 4 months ago. And I lost my ex (or he lost me!!) 2 months after my father passed away. I'm starting to see my reactions under a new light and trying to understand them, as well as looking for reasons. It occured to me.
I feel strangely calm and collected. I'm starting to feel he's a not so distant, but still distant memory. I'm starting to hold that leash and take control of it, not just pretending. I feel some sort of relief. As if I just went through a terrible storm and now I lay tired on the shore but happy to have survived. Is this feeling here to stay? Probably not. But it's the start of something and I'm starting to see a ray on sunshine breaking through. I'm starting to feel I'm coming on top of the situation, in a place where I can finally control my emotions. And it's a great feeling. Sorry it's long but I'm really proud of myself.
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago Rox
offlineMemberSo Helen, chicaloca and I are all on our 10 NC day. It seems like in different ways, it was a good day for all of us. Now isn't that curious
Each time I read what Wringo writes about rebound relationships it makes me smile
Even though I shouldn't cause I'm on "I don't care" mode. But still, it's inspiring to read those. You can write about rebound relationships in my diary all you want Wringo Be strong all!
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago #-
Rox
offlineMemberDay 11
After yesterday's epiphany/revelation today was filled with ups and downs. Felt a little anxious in the morning but during the rest of the day I felt quite good. Actually better than good. I felt that I do hold the leash strongly in my hands now and I'm the captain of my ship. I am so strong! While I'm enjoying life and keeping myself busy, I'm not only taking back control of my life but also growing up emotionally and bringing back to life that confident person I was when I met him.
This may sound a bit arrogant from me but I feel I'm better than him. And while I was in deep sorrow trying to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and he was having fun with Ms Rebound, I see that from now on things can only go better for me and worse for him. Not that it brings me any satisfaction whatsoever to know that eventually he will realise the mistake he's done and feel miserable about it. But I'm working hard to be happy on my own, he's stagnating and depending on someone to be happy. I'm having fun and taking care of myself, he'll have to deal with more relationship problems once the honeymoon is over. Because he never took enough time to deal with the pain of the breakup and I did. I wasn't a coward that had to jump straight away into another relationship to ease the pain. I'm fighting this battle and facing the beast.
In the end it will pay off for me. In the end his rebound will blow up on his face. And *when* he wants to be back together, it's very likely I'll kindly say - not in a million years
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
Surfiechick
offlineMemberNice attitude Rox. I really believe that if we do this thing right they will come back - who knows how long it will take but they will. And doesnt it feel great to know that when they do - we are in control of what happens from there on in! Sure feels awesome to me.
Stay Strong girl.
you cannot choose how people treat you but you can choose how you reactPosted 1 month ago # -
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The proceeds will help maintain my free Blog and Forum. I Thank You for Your Support!Posted 1 month ago -
finallyfedup
offlineMemberNice Rox!
You are moving right along girl! Proud of you......I believe you will do good with this plan. Just continue to learn it to get past all those ups and downs!
Keep it up and don't worry about he rebound. Read the plan about rebound's......It might do your relationship some good? I'm going through the similar issue with my ex/rebound.
Keep it up!
Posted 1 month ago # -
Rox
offlineMemberThanks girls for your support! Yes if it's love they will always come back, no matter how much time passes by, no matter how distant you are. Love survives all that, I know that by experience.
I'll try to make this short. My ex-ex-ex-ex broke up with me after 4 amazing years together and he never explained why. This was the man I thought I was going to get married and have children with, so it took me a long time to get over him. I didn't want to be friends and cut out all comunication with him. He moved to Australia, I'm in Portugal so we never saw each other again.
A little over a year later I received an email from him. Saying how much he loved me and what a mistake he's done and how miserable he's been feeling since he broke up with me - guess the grass wasn't greener on the other side after all. What's interesting is that when he mailed me was about the same time I let him go in my heart for good. That's really how Universe works, it's not BS at all. I guess somehow he knew.
Another thing he told me was, no matter how much time goes by, 5-10-20 years, he knows in his heart I'm the one for him, time doesn't erase love. And really, it doesn't. If it's love, a lifetime can go by, it doesn't matter. The thing is, I tried so hard to get over him that I actually did. It's been 5 years since that email and he still tries so hard to keep in touch with me and get me back. In his heart he'll always fight for me. I really admire his persistance, but I've moved on. I knew he would regret his decision in maybe 4 or 5 years. It didn't take that long. I prayed so hard so many nights to have him back. Now I just need to snap my fingers and he'll come running, now he's the one chasing me for years and I'm the one who's not interested.
So peeps, the bottom line is, no matter what happens, life takes many unexpected turns. I know this is probably a common-place but, if it's love it will ALWAYS come back to you. I'm the living proof of that.
xxx
Day... whatever - really I don't know lol. Let me check... Ok, Day 16Wow so much has happened since I last wrote 4 days ago. I've had lows, but plenty more highs. Panick has subsided and I no longer feel it at all. A little anxiety at times when I think of him, but this feeling has become less and less frequent. Actually, whereas before he was on my mind 24/7 no matter what I was doing - had a few VERY strange dreams with him! - now I surprise myself when I realise I haven't been thinking about him many times during my day.
Apart from spending time with friends, going out, keeping myself busy and active, being honest with myself about my feelings for him, etc, I think one of the decisions I made that allowed me to have some inner peace was STOP CHECKING HIS DAMN FACEBOOK!! sorry for the caps BUT I can't stress enough how important this is! In my case, he knew I was checking so he started playing that game with me cause he knew I would play it. Now I've stopped playing and like Scott says - it's no fun when you play it alone is it? I'm not feeding his ego or giving him power. The power is on my side now and I feel he's starting to crack. I haven't been reacting to his updates - cause I haven't been checking them and I have no idea what's going on with him - and his visits to my page became more regular. Lol. What a laugh. MrEnte and I were guilty as guilty someone could be about not letting go of that stupid site lol. I'm so proud to say we've been keeping away from it and I wish I'd have done it sooner. This was the hardest battle I had to fight with myself. I didn't delete him. Why? Because I'm not tempted to check his page and I don't care at all. And this way he can check mine (yes, he still does every day) and see I don't react, update, or have any kind of activity whatsoever in my page. So he's totally in the dark in what my life is concerned. Good. Guess I'm doing something right, or he wouldn't keep checking my page even though I have nothing there... right?
I stopped caring about his rebound as well (well I didn't stop caring totally, or I wouldn't be mentioning it, but I don't stress out over it anymore). Because I do know now it's what it is - a rebound. If I think with my head instead of thinking with my heart (I'm still mastering that but I believe I'm on the right track!), the signs are really obvious. So I stopped being so worried about that. I'm just not sure if I stopped worrying because of my "new" me, or because I know the rebound won't last. I haven't found the answer to that question yet.
So how do I feel now? I do occasionally slip. I do occasionally feel a bit anxious. The key word here being - occasionally. And when I do, I can make that feeling go away in a few minutes, whereas before it would totally consume me for days and I couldn't let it go. I couldn't have anything on my stomach for like 3 weeks. I couldn't sleep cause I was in total panick. So now I feel a renewed strength within me and feel empowered. In control - really. I feel great about myself and so so strong sometimes that I feel invincible :o) I can't say happiness is permanent (is it ever?) but I do have a lot of happy moments. I'm not ready to start dating and well, honestly I really don't need it. The comments and pick-up lines I hear on my way to work or while I'm out are enough to feed my ego hehehe (devil smiley) :o) I'm not looking for anything right now so whatever happens happens.
I don't kid myself and I'm definitely not into self-deception. I know there's a long journey ahead of me and a lot of room for improvement. But I can't believe how calm and at peace I feel in just a little over 3 weeks of NC. I've done NC before with other ex's - instinctively - and it always worked. This time was a lot harder and I panicked also due to the fact my father passed away 4 months ago. So basically I lost 2 men that were part of my life and loved in a period of 2 months. It was the hardest period of my life. But now I'm stronger. And it can only go better from here and I'm so proud of myself.
Thanks everyone for your support, thanks Scott for helping us with your advice and time, I'm so glad I found this place and the wonderful people in it. I love that we get to share our stories and help each other out. I'm even happier knowing I'm strong and determined enough to have been following the plan and kick love's ass. And that's an ass that really deserves to be kicked sometimes :o)
It takes strength to fight, but courage to let go.Posted 1 month ago # -
allee
offlineMemberRox said:
To me inspirational stories aren't the ones where the ex comes back. Inspirational stories are the ones where we can be happy and comfortable with ourselves without making that happiness depend on a jerk!Wow!! I wish i could be as strong as you. And thru your diary, it seems like you are truly evolving!! also, Thank YOU for reply to my post today ROX.
I was in the same situation where I would check his facebook everyday. So i had my friend change my password so i dont know it. But the funny thing is that I know my ex's password so it kinda defeats the purpose.. lol.. BTW, where can I get the FB tracker???Posted 1 month ago #
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